LATEST STORIES FROM FIRE RON GARDENHIRE
So the Bill Smith bobblehead doll turned out to be the least popular item at Target Field this year it seems nobody is buying it, significant because it's nearly impossible to keep Twins fans away from any bobblehead offered up by the organization. During the Metrodome daze seemingly sane men with families would camp out overnight on the urine-soaked cakes of concrete which hold...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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October 17, 2011
Discuss
Not with a bang but a whimper some dead guy said it Ron Gardenhire lives it, so ends a decade of Twins baseball under the gardentool a cold dirty pile of what might have been. I'm told he never had a chance in 2011 given the laundry list of injuries which occurred and besides surely he's earned a free pass after 6 division titles in 10 years. Never got a chance? It's...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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September 13, 2011
Enjoy 2011 while it lasts Smilin' Bud Selig has all but decreed that this will be the last season of the initial wild card era - we hardly knew thy first bastard - as he remains both living & dead set on ushering in the wild card expansion era yet another pestilence scheduled to arrive in 2012. "Two more teams would give us 10 and 10 out of 30 I still think is a rational...
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March 11, 2011
2010? Over and best to be forgotten unless you enjoy recurring nightmares involving evil empires arriving in the middle of the night to deprive you of sleep & dignity a degradation in which to start every morning until the 2011 Twins season begins at which time you can only hope to rid yourself of the memory of Ron Gardenhire's award winning season. I present to you the reigning...
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January 03, 2011
Rather than delete my previous post in which I foreswore my desire to see Ron Gardenhire terminated I leave it up as a reminder of my weakness wrought from one to many starry Target Field nights fueled by cold beer, fresh air, polish sausage w/onions and the greenest of green grass opiates powerful enough to sway me to actually put in print that I had learned to accept Gardenhire...
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October 18, 2010
Faithless reader: as of September 22, 2010 I no longer publicly endorse the firing of Ron Gardenhire. Perhaps I've made the transition to lapdog like so many others but maybe it was the work of the 2010 Minnesota Twins a relentless bunch capable of anything even driving excess hate from my heart then carving out a spot in whats left of it right next to the 2002 squad still my...
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September 26, 2010
long rumored to have been built on an unmarked hobo graveyard the Metrodome like the vacant east side it occupies wont completely rest in peace as the agoraphobic in our fare city continue to clamor for April and September dates with Hubert H. Humphrey. And before u shrug off my concerns with a "oh that's just the sentiment of a small % of the mentally ill and/or enfeebled...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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February 15, 2010
What no analysis of the Twins - Yankees 2009 ALDS the hatemail asked. I guess when u first have a nightmare (say 2003) u tend to share it with others when u begin to have recurring nightmares (2004) u consider professional help and when u fear the idea of sleep itself because that same nightmare awaits u tonight (2009) u share your feelings with no one lest they see into your private...
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December 31, 2009
Day 1 of 200 in this Minnesota winter colder with the realization that Ron Gardenhire now owns the Twins managerial job for as long as he wants due to his critically acclaimed performance skippering the team through another run at the postseason -that's right turn a 162 game schedule featuring 72 games against KC, Cleveland, Chicago, and Detroit into 86 wins and you too can earn...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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October 02, 2009
Nero fiddled while Rome burned no longer do i wonder why. What more have I done as Twins manager Ron Gardenhire sets a match to the 2009 season other than sit idly by watching it all go up in smoke - Poof there goes another MVP performance from Justin Morneau - another batting title and possible MVP for Joe Mauer - a career year for Jason Kubel - 4 arms in the bullpen with an ERA...
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July 25, 2009
Occasionally tired of butchering one another Union & Confederate soldiers would kill time away from the battlefield with countless innings of baseball cultivating a national past time spanning over 150 years until that common ground was laid to waste by farm animals grazing dangerously close to Abner Doubleday's grave. Abner not only shaped America's game he went to bat...
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February 16, 2009
Oh I see - because the media picked the Twins to finish 3rd or 4th in the A.L. Central I'm supposed to be happy about the '08 season. How could anyone in their right mind enjoy 2008? The national media televises roughly one Twins game per year & calls our all-star first baseman Jason rendering their preseason predictions meaningless. Human beings cant figure out four...
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October 06, 2008
A split second after hearing a loud sickening ping my skull is smashed by a baseball driven by an aluminum bat and dying on the dirty mound I curse the periodic table & the killers that lurk there. Aluminum ? Couldn't I have been slaughtered for gold or silver like so many others ? The Reaper enters the field of play answering no questions only eyeing the on-deck circle when...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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July 03, 2008
The man who presided over a World Series cancellation accomplishing what W.W. I, W.W. II, & W.W. Pi couldn't - The man who implemented the unbalanced schedule allowing Yankees & Red Sox to do what they do best - play with each other - usually four hours a night taking close pitches and being rewarded for it - The man who targeted the 2001 Twins for contraction a 85 win...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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May 31, 2008
That bittersweet light at the end of the tunnel must be April. Play ball Pay taxes - baseball existed decades before the Constitution was altered in 1913 introducing Americans to the income tax so I suspect the first time citizens were told "you have until April 15th to come up with the money or else" preoccupation with the beginning of the season accompanied by the springtime...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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March 10, 2008
Ron Gardenhire cant stop polishing his bowling ball and I fear he may need an intervention. Gardy's employer, the MLB franchise from Minnesota, spent the weekend hosting 30,000 fans at Twins Fest 2008 showcasing the future stadium and selling season tickets. 32 players from the 40 man roster were also in attendance signing autographs and more importantly Justin Morneau punctuated...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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February 03, 2008
Who bought a used car from Bud Selig ? I hold u personally responsible for his improbable evolution from dealer to owner to commissioner. Who thought he would stand up and walk upright let alone rise to power within the cartel which eliminated the independent office of the commissioner of baseball. I lived in Wisconsin & Bud never sold me a car - thats how i sleep at night -...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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December 02, 2007
Its high time to gaze into the old crystal ball - 3 Twins should snag gold gloves this season - I see MVP's and batting titles past, present & future - and oh by the way Cy Youngs and potential Cy Youngs occupy our rotation and bullpen. Next year's starting staff will consist of any combination of Santana, Baker, Garza, Liriano, Slowey, Blackburn, and Perkins assuring...
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August 01, 2007
Spare me your lectures on the Yankees and their economic advantage over the Twins - The advantage lies in the dugout. For those of you who continue to ignore the mental state of Ron Gardenhire consider the following : During Tom Kelly's last 3 seasons as manager (1999-2001) the Twins averaged around 70 wins per season but had a 7 - 6 record at Yankee Stadium beating Yankee teams...
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July 06, 2007
Section A- International Death TollSection B- Local Death TollSection C- movie reviewers ( a fate worse than death )Drained by the soul shattering experience that is the daily newspaper I arrive at the sports section searching for a reason to continue or cancel my subscription. I owe the sales dept. a phone call considering they harass me at all hours dumbfounded that i wont accept...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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June 17, 2007
May 15, 2007. A date which has haunted me for some time now. After one inning of play Twins pitcher Ramon Ortiz was trailing the major league team from Cleveland to be renamed later 6 - 2 yet i remained optimistic that Ron Gardenhire wouldnt attempt to manage the game by prematurely spilling out of the dugout & going to the bullpen. After all Ortiz was our only multi-million...
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May 20, 2007
Back in the fire we go. Why? Because that is the path most often chosen. Ron Gardenhire takes a different path & splits from the whole F'n program every October. The latest postseason installment saw the A's break out the broom for an easy sweep of the Twins & when the dust cleared manager Ken Macha was fired and Gardenhire retained. When did justice become a 4 letter...
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March 04, 2007
Some mornings are colder than others. I needed to take the ice scraper to the outside and inside of my car windows this particular morning not that I needed to see the road because I wasn't going anywhere after my car died on the side of the interstate. Good thing I keep a cell phone in my car for emergencies - wrong ! the sub zero temperature had rendered my phone useless, oh...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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December 08, 2005
Time to take out the trash so I took a trip to the dumpster but became confused over what to shove in the garbage and what to recycle. It was no mystery where to put the beer cans or how they became empty, but the stacks of old Pioneer Press/Star Tribunes seemed to qualify as both a renewable resource and rubbish. As I stood in the vacant alley seeking answers I stared blankly at...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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October 06, 2005
Kyle Lohse viciously smashed Ron Gardenhire's office door with a baseball bat. That's the good news. The bad news is that his assault with a deadly weapon happened three years to late. Lohse entered the 2002 playoffs with the 2nd most starts and 2nd most wins on the 2002 pitching staff so naturally Gardenhire sent him to the bullpen for the entire post-season. Lohse hasn...
Via Fire Ron Gardenhire
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September 19, 2005
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