LATEST STORIES FROM FIRE RON GARDENHIRE
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October 02, 2009 by
Fire Ron Gardenhire
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Day 1 of 200 in this Minnesota winter colder with the realization that Ron Gardenhire now owns the Twins managerial job for as long as he wants due to his critically acclaimed performance skippering the team through another run at the postseason -that's right turn a 162 game schedule...
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July 25, 2009 by
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Nero fiddled while Rome burned no longer do i wonder why. What more have I done as Twins manager Ron Gardenhire sets a match to the 2009 season other than sit idly by watching it all go up in smoke - Poof there goes another MVP performance from Justin Morneau - another batting title...
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February 16, 2009 by
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Occasionally tired of butchering one another Union & Confederate soldiers would kill time away from the battlefield with countless innings of baseball cultivating a national past time spanning over 150 years until that common ground was laid to waste by farm animals grazing dangerously...
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October 06, 2008 by
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Oh I see - because the media picked the Twins to finish 3rd or 4th in the A.L. Central I'm supposed to be happy about the '08 season. How could anyone in their right mind enjoy 2008? The national media televises roughly one Twins game per year & calls our all-star first...
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July 03, 2008 by
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A split second after hearing a loud sickening ping my skull is smashed by a baseball driven by an aluminum bat and dying on the dirty mound I curse the periodic table & the killers that lurk there. Aluminum ? Couldn't I have been slaughtered for gold or silver like so many...
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May 31, 2008 by
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The man who presided over a World Series cancellation accomplishing what W.W. I, W.W. II, & W.W. Pi couldn't - The man who implemented the unbalanced schedule allowing Yankees & Red Sox to do what they do best - play with each other - usually four hours a night taking close...
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March 10, 2008 by
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That bittersweet light at the end of the tunnel must be April. Play ball Pay taxes - baseball existed decades before the Constitution was altered in 1913 introducing Americans to the income tax so I suspect the first time citizens were told "you have until April 15th to come up...
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February 03, 2008 by
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Ron Gardenhire cant stop polishing his bowling ball and I fear he may need an intervention. Gardy's employer, the MLB franchise from Minnesota, spent the weekend hosting 30,000 fans at Twins Fest 2008 showcasing the future stadium and selling season tickets. 32 players from the...
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December 02, 2007 by
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Who bought a used car from Bud Selig ? I hold u personally responsible for his improbable evolution from dealer to owner to commissioner. Who thought he would stand up and walk upright let alone rise to power within the cartel which eliminated the independent office of the commissioner...
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August 01, 2007 by
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Its high time to gaze into the old crystal ball - 3 Twins should snag gold gloves this season - I see MVP's and batting titles past, present & future - and oh by the way Cy Youngs and potential Cy Youngs occupy our rotation and bullpen. Next year's starting staff will consist...
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July 06, 2007 by
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Spare me your lectures on the Yankees and their economic advantage over the Twins - The advantage lies in the dugout. For those of you who continue to ignore the mental state of Ron Gardenhire consider the following : During Tom Kelly's last 3 seasons as manager (1999-2001) the...
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June 17, 2007 by
Fire Ron Gardenhire
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Section A- International Death TollSection B- Local Death TollSection C- movie reviewers ( a fate worse than death )Drained by the soul shattering experience that is the daily newspaper I arrive at the sports section searching for a reason to continue or cancel my subscription. I owe...
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May 20, 2007 by
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May 15, 2007. A date which has haunted me for some time now. After one inning of play Twins pitcher Ramon Ortiz was trailing the major league team from Cleveland to be renamed later 6 - 2 yet i remained optimistic that Ron Gardenhire wouldnt attempt to manage the game by prematurely...
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March 04, 2007 by
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Back in the fire we go. Why? Because that is the path most often chosen. Ron Gardenhire takes a different path & splits from the whole F'n program every October. The latest postseason installment saw the A's break out the broom for an easy sweep of the Twins & when...
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December 08, 2005 by
Fire Ron Gardenhire
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Some mornings are colder than others. I needed to take the ice scraper to the outside and inside of my car windows this particular morning not that I needed to see the road because I wasn't going anywhere after my car died on the side of the interstate. Good thing I keep a cell...
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October 06, 2005 by
Fire Ron Gardenhire
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Time to take out the trash so I took a trip to the dumpster but became confused over what to shove in the garbage and what to recycle. It was no mystery where to put the beer cans or how they became empty, but the stacks of old Pioneer Press/Star Tribunes seemed to qualify as both...
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September 19, 2005 by
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Kyle Lohse viciously smashed Ron Gardenhire's office door with a baseball bat. That's the good news. The bad news is that his assault with a deadly weapon happened three years to late. Lohse entered the 2002 playoffs with the 2nd most starts and 2nd most wins on the 2002 pitching...
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September 02, 2005 by
Fire Ron Gardenhire
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Gardenhire was a bit blocked up so he paid a recent visit to Taco Bell. I am sad to report that he still couldnt manufacture any runs. And so as the Twins manager sits on the pot unable - unable to get his players to move runners over, unable to time a hit and run, unable to configure...
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August 23, 2005 by
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Rhetorical question, How did the Twins get back into contention? Starting pitching of course. Good pitching trumps good hitting so who could possibly derail our winning streak when our starting rotation was rolling ? One man - Ron Gardenhire. The Gardentool planted the seeds of defeat...
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August 10, 2005 by
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Stand on the Seattle shoreline and you can watch the sun set on the 2005 Twins season after another loss to the Mariners last night. As much as I would like to believe the horses in our rotation are capable of running off a 35-15 streak to end the schedule, it just aint gonna happen...
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August 01, 2005 by
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Terry Tiffee hits 4th in the batting order and the Red Sox cleanup. In a game the Twins had to win to stay viable in the race for the last playoff spot, Ron Gardenhire took a .200 hitter with 3 career major league home runs and roughly 100 career major league at-bats and had him hit...
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July 29, 2005 by
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Al Leiter 115 Johan Santana 94 (pitch count 7/27/05)...thats no misprint, 40 year old left handed zombie Al Leiter was allowed by the Twins offense to stagger around blindly and get off 115 pitches. Santana had thrown 94 pitches through 7 shutout innings but Ron Gardenhire had seen...
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July 25, 2005 by
Fire Ron Gardenhire
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The Party Is Over ! After a 1 game suspension, Ron Gardenhire returned to the Twins and immediately put his stamp back on our team by reminding us that he still believes Matthew LeCroy and Terry Mulholland should have prominent roles on this team by once again inserting Lecroy into...
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July 22, 2005 by
Fire Ron Gardenhire
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I'll be damned....The Twins finally bust loose with the offense yall have been expecting all year naturally Ron Gardenhire was nowhere near the dugout on this momentous occasion (serving a 1 game suspension)....can we banish Gardenhire to the press box for the rest of the season...
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July 19, 2005 by
Fire Ron Gardenhire
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I had a terrible dream last night that Gardenhire had gotten so disoriented by our tailspin that he accidently penciled in Matthew LeCroy to bat cleanup......Good Lord that was no dream! How many of us would have Lecroy batting 4th on our softball team? the answer - none - why? because...
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