LATEST STORIES FROM FIVE TOOL TOOL
Top 10 questions from the Tim Lincecum pot bust
1 day ago by
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When life gives you a Pothead Cy Young winner, you make Pothead Cy Young winner list lemonade. Or brownies. Mmmm, brownies.10) How could he be so careless... to not have a medical permit?9) Will part of his inevitable rehab involve getting a grown up haircut?8) Why is he such a prima...
Top 12 consolations for Phillies Fans
2 days ago by
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12) Red Sox Fan will hear about this much more than you will11) A-Rod got hit a lot10) It's not like your laundry hasn't won recently9) New York Fan is still bent over that Giants game8) With any luck, you won't have to watch Brad Lidge ever again7) It was getting kind...
Phillies-Yankees Game Six Notes: Watching the Guillotine
2 days ago by
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> Coming into tonight's game, despite my love for Pedro Martinez, I knew that a win was going to be all on the offense. They weren't ever going to win a 2-1 game in New York, not against this offense, and not with this bullpen. There was hope that they can slug their way...
Week 9 NFL Picks: Pandemia
2 days ago by
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While prepping this column, I started to feel untoward, and wound up losing consciousness. This happens far too often, considering my general lack of sleep and advancing age, but this was a different story; this was Full Blown Unwell. And two days before a scheduled flu shot. Just...
Week 9 of You Crap The Bed: Old Time Decision Making
3 days ago by
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Our apologies for the lateness of the show this week, as negotiations with this week's sponsor didn't firm up until very late in the process. We're thrilled to have the classic account of Fletcher's Castoria "Bad Mommy" Laxative on board, especially in a bye...
Phillies - Yankees Game 5 Notes
4 days ago by
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> And we're back, because this has gone so well the last two times I've tried this. Stout heart! Firm belief! Cliff Lee! I might also still be drunk.> In that all important portion of the game where I'm not really watching due to being a less than totally worthless...
Top Ten Takeaways From Favregeddon
5 days ago by
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10) Terrorist Packer Fan didn't bring his "A" game9) Perhaps it's not a great sign when you bring in Ancient Ahman Green to return kicks8) Maybe one day, Aaron Rodgers will be enough of a winner to have an offensive line 7) The Packer organization still has so much...
Phillies-Yankees Game 4 Notes
5 days ago by
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> In the first, Joe Blanton had no movement on his pitches, not that he's usually drowning in it, and wound up surrendering two runs after the first two men reached base. Adding to the interest was watching A-Rod get hit, the third time that's happened in the last two games...
Top Eleven Week Eight NFL Ad Questions
5 days ago by
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11) Will Wanda Sykes' "whole new dangerous direction in late night" involve any amount of actual humor?10) Why would I want to patronize the cellular phone plan of cannibalistic pigs?9) Does Capital One get a lot of their business from Ren Faire Doucebags, and do I have...
Eagles vs. Giants Notes: Well, That Was Unexpected
5 days ago by
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> I picked up Leonard Weaver in my cursed fantasy league. Maybe not so cursed? And there's no wonder why the G Men fell prey to a fullback run; after six weeks of Line of Scrimmage Punt Return, it must have seemed downright exotic. > On the first quarter pick from Eli Manning...
Phillies-Yankees Game 3 World Series Notes
6 days ago by
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10) Well, that was fun. If you like the Yankees, or rectal pain. Otherwise, not so much.9) One of the reasons why baseball will never be football: hitting The Centaur, Alex Rodriguez, with a pitch might make you feel good, but not nearly enough, since it's really not a help for...
Game 2 Yankees-Phillies World Series Notes
8 days ago by
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> For 17 innings, the Phillies had played nearly mistake-free baseball (the exception: Rollins' ninth inning error last night), refusing to cede to the pressure that took out the Twins and Angels. Down two in the eighth and facing Mariano Rivera in his bid for a six-out save...
Top 13 little known facts about Cliff Lee
9 days ago by
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13) Baseballs are attracted to Cliff Lee's gravitational well of awesomeness.12) When it rains, Cliff Lee does not get wet.11) Tonight, Cliff Lee is the #1 topic on Twitter, but only because he has allowed it.10) His middle name is "Phifer", which is Latin for "Much...
Top 10 Game One Phillies-Yankees World Series Notes
9 days ago by
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10) Writing a notes column on a game and night like this is downright tricky. Do you refuse to write the lede ahead of time, knowing that baseball has no clock and if it turns, you will blame yourself for the jinx? Or do you wallow in the good fortune and trust that the man who has...
Week 8 NFL Picks: Who Are You Supposed To Be
9 days ago by
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In theory, I love Halloween. The practice, however, is something entirely different. In theory, this gives me a cool opportunity to show my creativity -- hell, I make my living at the day job for that. In practice, I just don't have the time and money to do very cool costumes,...
The Series Pick
10 days ago by
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For the past couple of weeks, I've been hearing how wonderful it would have been had there been a Dodger-Yankee World Series. Everyone would have relived their Reggie Jackson childhood, both coasts would be covered in baseball interest, it's iconic and yada yada yada. It turned...
Top 10 Eagles-Redskins MNF Notes
11 days ago by
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10) Welcome to Philadelphia, Will Witherspoon. Is it that easy to play MLB, that a guy can move over in a week and deliver value... or is it just that Witherspoon is like a man that's gotten off Death Row now that he escaped the Rams?9) Honestly, at this point, I'm wondering...
Top 12 reasons why you should root for the Phillies over the Yankees in the Series
12 days ago by
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12)Philadelphia has grown their talent, which the Yankees generally find quaint11) The Phillies steroid and spousal abusers are minor players, instead of major stars10) Scientific research has proven that a Phillies repeat will cause Mets Fan to kill themself in more entertaining ways9...
Week 7 NFL: You Crap The Bed!
12 days ago by
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This week in honor of the NFL's annual forced insertion of a bad football game on a foreign market, we're brought to you by Boong-Ga Boong-Ga, perhaps the most puzzling and dispiriting video game ever made, and continuing proof that Truman was right when he used nuclear weapons...
Top 10 Week 7 NFL Late Game Notes
12 days ago by
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> Mark Sanchez said he wanted to get his mojo back this week, and scored on a QB draw and a really nice deep ball to David Clowney when the Raiders were getting Clownied all over the field. But in general, I'm looking at a guy who, in ten years, has a chance to be ten years...
Top 10 Week 7 NFL Ad Questions
12 days ago by
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10) Does David Spade feel any shame whatsoever at exploiting the morbidly obese corpse of Chris Farley, and why exactly should this make me want to switch to DirecTV?9) Is anyone else creeped out by CBS, the network of "60 Minutes", "Murder, She Wrote" and "...
Top 10 Week 7 NFL Early Game Notes
12 days ago by
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> How, exactly, does bringing a terrible game to foreign audiences build the NFL's appeal overseas? The Pats looked downright bored in this game, even when it was close. They weren't the only ones.> I know I'm perverse, but on some level, I really love shanked punts...
Yankees-Angelzzzz.... zzz... zzz... zzz...
15 days ago by
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Here's what happens to you, Dear Reader, after A Certain Age: you start to fall asleep on games. This happened to me last night with the Angles-Yankees, which eliminated the chance to crank off a list of snarky goodness over how the game was a classic case of two managers seeing...
Top 10 Dodgers - Phillies Game Five Questions
16 days ago by
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10) Was the TBS crew contractually unable to mention that the fans were chanting "You Took Steroids" and "Hit the Showers" at Manny Ramirez?9) Is it really worth a tongue-lashing from the people inside your television if you are lacking avocado, or should we just...
Week 7 NFL Picks: These Picks Just Don't Like Each Other
16 days ago by
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Is these a bigger announcer cop-out than "These teams just don't like each other!" It's a darn shame, really. They used to get along famously, taking turns forfeiting games so that no one would get hurt, sharing playbooks and film rather than trying to trick each...
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