LATEST STORIES FROM FIVE TOOL TOOL
A Small And Obvious Point About Terrell Owens Blaming The Media For His Image
Um, Terrible?I know you don't actually listen to anything that doesn't come out of your own mouth, but hope springs eternal. Christian charity, and all that.The media didn't stick a gun in your mouth and make you do sit ups in your driveway.The media didn't kidnap your family so that you would bury every QB you ever worked with.The media didn't cause you to crap...
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2 hours ago
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2 hours ago
Discuss
I Have No Idea If I Should Still Be An A's Fan
It was pretty obvious a week ago; they had done their usual trade away anyone who is competent for prospects that won't work out, lose 100-110 games in a bad empty building, and basically be the punching bag for the Angels and Rangers. They were certain to play no meaningful games, have no relevant fantasy talent, and spend another year checking the EPL scores and the not going...
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4 hours ago
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4 hours ago
A Brief and Obvious Point About Allen Iverson Returning To The NBA
No NBA team really wants him.Because, well, he's an undersized shooting guard who gets murdered in the post, doesn't shoot for a high enough percentage, hasn't been a part of a winning team in years and years, doesn't sell tickets anymore, and doesn't make his teams win.Jerry Stackhouse has an NBA contact. (In Atlanta.) Tracy McGrady has an NBA contract. (Also...
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1 day ago
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1 day ago
Carlos Boozer Is Fooling No One
There are some guys who, when you watch them play, you just don't like them. Maybe it's the way they get their numbers, maybe it's the way they work the refs, and maybe it's the way they flop for calls.... but there's just something about them that sets your teeth on edge. No matter who they are playing for.For me, Carlos Boozer of the Chicago Bulls is that kind...
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1 day ago
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1 day ago
Top 10 reasons the Eagles are franchising DeSean Jackson
10) Believe that the only way to get Steve Smith levels of production out of him is to pay him that way9) Can't wait to see how much drama is created after 20118) As the Juan Castillo resigning shows, just dying to play 2011 in 20127) Ensures that the focus will remain away from the linebackers, turnovers and poor clock management6) Can't get enough time with Drew Rosenhaus5...
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1 day ago
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1 day ago
FTT Off-Topic: Paying Your Employees May Be Against Your Religious Beliefs
As always with FTT O-T, if this sort of thing offends you, there's a big wide Internet to go enjoy. Scroll or split to your heart's content; these little missives are just for me to clear myself and amuse those of you who read everything. Moving on.So there's a political kerfluffle over how religious organizations are being "bullied" by the federal government...
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3 days ago
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3 days ago
Fixing The Safety
Let's face it, folks: it mostly sucks to play defense in the Inter Continental Football Association. And the NFL, too. You can only hurt RBs and OLs, you need a signed warrant to touch a non-running white QB, you get national attention when you screw up, you don't make the money of the offensive guys, and if you don't have difficulty walking in your '40s and severe...
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3 days ago
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3 days ago
Top 10 takeaways from the Oil Can Boyd cocaine revelations
10) Against all odds, he's still alive at age 529) That freakout game at Yankee Stadium, where Lou Pinella got him off his game by making him take off his necklaces, makes a lot more sense now8) Shockingly, a guy named Oil Can turned out to have substance abuse issues7) The only difference between his era and this one is that the older guys took drugs that didn't help their...
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4 days ago
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4 days ago
Top 10 Reasons Why Chad Ochocinco Is Changing His Name Back To Chad Johnson
10) Now that Ron Artest became Metta World Peace, kind of understands how this sort of thing is just a bit, well, nuts9) Secret bet lost with ex-Giant William James8) Ochocinco just doesn't hyphenate well, and now that Those Sorts Of Marriage are becoming more legal, it's a consideration7) Worried that, for some reason, his jersey just isn't selling the way it used to6...
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4 days ago
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4 days ago
Embrace the Linsanity
OK folks... it's time to accept the fact that we've got a brand-new phenom that will polarize the populace, Tebow-style, since talking about your religious beliefs is a sure fire way to get marginalized now, and he might be the biggest flash in the pan, well, ever. But there's a *far* better story going on here.To call Jeremy Lin's story unreal is to, well, insult reality. We're...
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5 days ago
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5 days ago
A Brief And Obvious Point About The Clippers Being Cursed
When you hire a 35-year-old guard with around 37,500 career minutes in the NBA, between 1,002 regular season games and 140 playoff games, plus international play...Who was amnestied by a team with no other credible option at point guard...And then you play him 30-plus minutes per game in a sprint schedule lockout year where players are dropping like flies, for a team that needed...
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5 days ago
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5 days ago
Top 10 reasons why Ricky Williams is retiring
(And seriously? For a flake, he always ran hard. For a diva, he took the grunt jobs. For a druggie, he didn't miss that many games. And but for Lee Evans and Billy Cundiff, he might have even left with a ring. Admit it, you'd rather he got one than watched Eli Manning get two, amirite?)10) Thinks that his career numbers are good enough to make it to Canton, but only if he...
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5 days ago
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5 days ago
Top 10 Consolations for Giant Haters
Patriot Elimination Day should always be joyous, but many people are having a hard time enjoying the holiday due to the presence of Blue Fan celebrating yet another Gotham championship. As always, FTT is here to alleviate suffering without undue side effect. So let's get straight into why this is all going to be OK, OK?10) Tom Coughlin will now be employed well into his drooling...
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
Kobe Gets The History, Sixers Get The Win
Tonight in Philly, it was looking like another case of Old And Lots Of Money Established Talent pulling rank on the most adorable NBA team on the planet, your Philadelphia 76ers. Philadelphia's least-favorite son, Kobe Bean Bryant, had 24 points at the half in front of a sellout crowd to move past Shaq in the record books of all-time scorers. Lots of people came wearing Laker...
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
Top 20 Super Bowl Commercial Questions
20) Is Will Arnett no longer funny because of the Hulu ad?19) Do the Droid's makers know that isn't how you paint things?18) How much did Old Navy spend to not show us their clothes?17) Why is Budweiser trying to pretend they are a premium brand?16) Aren't we all OK with vampire acoustic guitarists getting dusted?15) Seeing how they've had the ability to do this for...
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8 days ago
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8 days ago
40 Giants-Patriots Super Bowl Takeaways
40) If you want to kill the Patriots defense, just tell them that every down is third39) Shaun Weather- ford is very, very excited about punting38) Brady took an intentional grounding for safety, just to ruin everyone's prop bet37) The Patriot defense can force turnovers, but only with 12 men on the field36) NBC didn't want to show Victor Cruz dancing after a touchdown right...
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8 days ago
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8 days ago
Top 10 takeaways from MailmanGate
Out in Salt Lake City, the Jazz are involved in a nasty tete-a-tete with Hall of Famer Karl Malone about how and why ex-coach Jerry Sloan ended his career, with Malone claiming that he now has to pay for tickets (the horrors! Karl Malone has bought Karl Malone way too many Beanie Babies to have that kind of money!), the ownership claiming that he's unstable and lying, and ex...
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8 days ago
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8 days ago
And Then The Roof Caved In
Through the better part of three quarters tonight in Philadelphia, the Sixers were actually doing what their record, if not their recent head to head results, said they could do: hang with the Miami Heat. To my eye, they actually looked like a better team, in that their ball movement was better, their ability to handle the ball was sound, and they held the lead nearly as much as...
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9 days ago
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9 days ago
A small and obvious point about competitive eating
It's not a sport.It's also disgusting on any number of levels.The fact that people in Philadelphia seem to want to ignore both of these things is part of the reason why the rest of the country feels it's OK to actively root for our misery.And so long as we continue to attend and glorify a pointless freak show vice...They may be right.Moving on...http://fivetooltool.blogspot...
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10 days ago
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10 days ago
We Play Poker At Parx Because It Feels So Very, Very Good When We Stop
"To quite an extent, gambling is a tax on ignor- ance. I find it socially revolting when the govern- ment preys on the ignorance of its citizenry. When the government makes it easy for people to take their Social Security checks and pull [slot machine] handles, it relieves taxes on those who don't fall for it. It's not government at its best."-- Warren Buffett Tonight...
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10 days ago
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10 days ago
The Super Pick: Momentum Over Luck
NEW YORK (-3.5) over New EnglandThe case for New England: The dominant coach and QB of this generation (sigh), going for their place in history, at the stage where they have never failed. A surprisingly potent ground game, and better special teams than usually accepted. Deadly in the red zone on offense, with the best TE tandem in modern history. Fearless play-calling and complete...
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11 days ago
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11 days ago
How You Like Them Now?
Tonight in Phila-delphia, the Sixers buried the visiting Bulls, 98-82. It really wasn't as close as that; the team led by 20 at the end of the third quarter and kept Derrick Rose and the Bulls starters on the bench in the fourth. And the only real moment of disappointment was that they came close to the free Big Mac, but didn't take a final shot. So, what are the reasons...
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11 days ago
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11 days ago
Five Wildly Unrealistic Ways To Fix The Pro Bowl
Aaron Rodgers has come out on record as blasting the NFC roster's effort in this week's 59-41 loss. He was right, of course; the game is pointless. And far be it from me to just note that there is no reason to watch or play this thing, when we can come up with a bunch of completely never gonna happen ways to make it watchable. So let's have at it!1) Crowd source the play...
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12 days ago
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12 days ago
Five Reasons Why the NBA's Ratings Are Up
Through the first third of the sprint season, the NBA's regular season ratings are up... which kind of confounds the league's (inter-minable, never-ending, tiresome) critics. You see, the public was supposed to get well and truly turned off by these 1% athletes, who were arguing over money at a time when I'd finish the rest of this sentence but it's very difficult...
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12 days ago
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12 days ago
The Wages of Winning Do Not Need To Include Amar'e
So the Internet is abuzz with the idea that my Sixers are interested in getting Amar'e Stoudamire from the Knicks, and loading up for a deep playoff run.And all I can say is... are you all certain that Amar'e is an upgrade now?We're talking about a guy with an exceptionally checkered medical history here, with microfiber surgery, eye problems, back spasms that kept him...
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13 days ago
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13 days ago
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