LATEST STORIES FROM FIVE TOOL TOOL
Top 10 fantasy football annual pet peeves
August 02, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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10) Pointless star player interviews. Gosh, did you know that last year's star player is aware of how good he was in fantasy football, or that he expects to have an even better year this year? Look, I get that it's exciting to talk to an actual football player, but can'...
Absolutely Asking For It
July 31, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Today in Oakland, my cellar-dwelling (43-58, 17.5 out in the AL West) fading favorite team did a useful little fire sale trade, by sending Orlando Cabrera to the Twins for prospects. (What did they get? What does it matter? The last time Billy Beane won a trade was three Michael Lewis...
NFL Crunch Time!
July 31, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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What better way to see off July (screw you, July! Just because you were the highest trafficked month in FTT history doesn't mean you aren't my bitch!) than to get well and truly geeked about football, Football, FOOTBALL! with the following game. I feel more like the Rape King...
Still my guy
July 31, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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And people wonder why my Sixers Fandom has never really came back after moving him to Denver. (H/t to, sigh, Bill Simmons for finding this. There's a reason why I still have to read the Bad Tooth.)http://fivetooltool.blogspot.com - The Sports Blog That Loves You Back!
Top 11 Implications of the David Ortiz Steroid Allegations
July 30, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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11) Five thousand remarkably annoying words from Bill Simmons10) That early season slump really isn't going to be the worst part of his year9) No one's buying the "Miracle Eyedrops" story now8) America's love affair with the Tampa Rays just got even more serious7...
No harm
July 29, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Mr. Chafets writes that performance enhancing drugs should be legalized, on the grounds that as currently used, they haven’t been proved to do any harm, nor any demonstrable good, either, and that there will never be a foolproof way to test for them. - NY TimesUm, actually? I can...
Top 10 things Jim Johnson will hear in heaven
July 29, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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(Johnson, for those of you who somehow didn't know, was the Eagles longtime defensive coordinator. Yesterday, he died from cancer at age 68. He will be missed. Like, say, right now.)10) "You actually have linebackers here."9) "Here's your Super Bowl ring. Sorry...
My immediate reaction to Favre re-re-re-retiring
July 28, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Be careful, NFL fans! He's going to pollute your precious bodily fluids!http://fivetooltool.blogspot.com - The Sports Blog That Loves You Back!
Top 10 awful topical fantasy football team names
July 27, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Ever wonder how this blog keeps me in store brand oatmeal, despite the crippling lack of drool-tastic poon? Well, I'll let you in on a big secret: this blog is a search engine dream. Since we're linked to a lot of other, far more popular blogs, and we've got an overwhelming...
Top 10 lesser-known conditions for Michael Vick's reinstatement
July 27, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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10) If his comeback doesn't work out, can't subsequently join the CFL, UFL or DFL9) Part of his salary has to be paid for by grateful bloggers8) Can only patronize truly attractive strippers, for fear of a backslide7) Has to accept Tony Dungy as his personal savior, and gay...
Top 10 Sports Blogger Hopes for The Dead Zone
July 26, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Welcome, folks, to the very worst time of the year to be running a sports blog. There's nothing that you can write about the NFL that you couldn't have written months ago. The NBA free agent season has moved to the clearance bin stage. MLB has some possible deadline trades...
Forgot About 'Dre
July 24, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Today in the Association, Portland signed away point guard Andre Miller from my Sixers, and while it's not breaking the hearts of anyone in my hometown, I think it merits a few words.If Andre Miller is your point guard, you probably aren't winning a championship. He's borderline...
Perfection Correction
July 23, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Today in Chicago, against a very good offensive team, in a park that favors hitters, in a time of the year when offense is usually on the upswing, a soft-tossing lefthander threw a perfect game, just the 17th in baseball history. It's also, amazingly, the second time that Mark...
Top 10 tactics for fantasy league trading
July 23, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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I'll save you from 500 words of how much I really, really hate Ricky Nolasco and Jimmy Rollins (aka, two of the worst players in MLB in the first half, and two of the best in the second, now that my year has been completely trashed) and just get to the meat of the matter. List...
Top 10 ways that ESPN is going to punish the New York Post
July 22, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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So here's the fun story of the day: ESPN has decided to take their vengeance on the NY Post for their complicity in L'Affaire L'Andrews by keeping any Post personnel out of Lemur properties. This directly impacts three Post people who moonlight on the Lemur's sports...
On Halladay, or how Philly Fan worries while on a 10-game winning streak
July 22, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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A small point to illustrate what it's like to be Philly Fan:In the past couple of weeks n the NL East, the Phillies have put it all together to rattle off a 10-game winning streak, their longest in 18 years. As I write this, they have a lead of 6.5 games in the NL East, where the...
All The News That's Fit To Ignore
July 21, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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In the last few days, we've had the following salacious non-stories hit the wires.1) Ben Roethlisberger sued for civil damages by a casino employee for what is alleged to be non-consensual sexual activities, and2) ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews illegally videotaped at her...
The T.O. Show Diary
July 21, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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The new Terrell Owens "reality" show debuted tonight on VH-1, and for the sake of this blog and your edification, I watched. And kept a diary, all so that you wouldn't have to. Here's the, um, high points after an hour of my life and a large portion of my soul that...
Top 10 programs I'd rather watch than the Terrell Owens reality show
July 20, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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After watching the debut of "The T.O. Show" on VH-1 tonight, this longtime Eagle fan and Owens observer is really looking forward to seeing future episodes. However, these ten other new shows are ranking just slightly ahead of it on the old DVR.10) "Hogan's Deaththroes...
Top 10 reasons why Tom Watson didn't win the British Open
July 19, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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10) Wanted to really set the stage for when he wins at 609) Just couldn't bring himself to deny the world a Stewart Cink championship8) Can only win once every 12 years now7) When you've waited 26 years between majors, it gives you just a bit of the yips6) All part of an elaborate...
Top 10 reasons why Tom Watson didn't win the British Open
July 19, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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10) Wanted to really set the stage for when he wins at 609) Just couldn't bring himself to deny the world a Stewart Cink championship8) Can only win once every 12 years now7) When you've waited 26 years between majors, it gives you just a bit of the yips6) All part of an elaborate...
Top 10 ways that the Minnesota Timberwolves will woo Ricky Rubio
July 16, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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After drafting two point guards in the first round, the Minnesota Timberwolves find themselves in the awkward position of only landing 50% of their assets. Ricky Rubio, the 18-year-old Spanish point guard who played the best the U.S. had to offer to a draw in the Beijing Olympics,...
Top 10 ways that the Minnesota Timberwolves will woo Ricky Rubio
July 16, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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After drafting two point guards in the first round, the Minnesota Timberwolves find themselves in the awkward position of only landing 50% of their assets. Ricky Rubio, the 18-year-old Spanish point guard who played the best the U.S. had to offer to a draw in the Beijing Olympics,...
Top 10 ways that the Minnesota Timberwolves will woo Ricky Rubio
July 16, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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After drafting two point guards in the first round, the Minnesota Timberwolves find themselves in the awkward position of only landing 50% of their assets. Ricky Rubio, the 18-year-old Spanish point guard who played the best the U.S. had to offer to a draw in the Beijing Olympics,...
The Joba Tragedy
July 16, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Here's the first half of Joba Chamberlain.4-2, 4.25 ERA, 1.56 WHIP. 17 stars, 89 innings (just over 5 innings per). 78 Ks, 42 Walks. To give you an idea of just how Meh all of that is, here are just a few of the starting pitchers that Yahoo ranks as being more useful to your fantasy...
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