LATEST STORIES FROM FIVE TOOL TOOL
Top 10 shocking revelations about NFL training camp
July 13, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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It's just about that time again, kids! Now, let me ruin the whole movie for you by telling you how it ends.10) It's hot outside9) Many of the bigger players eat a lot8) Your team's star player is convinced that this is the year they are (a) going to the playoffs, (b) having...
Top 10 ways for Chris Berman to die
July 12, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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What, too grisly? Like you haven't thought about it, or won't be when he trots out that Home Run Derby act today. Live the fantasy!10) Aneurysm. A fairly nasty way to go, of course, but hey, it'd do the job quickly, right?9) "Scanner" style head explosion. Hey...
Top 10 Ways to Improve the All-Star Game
July 12, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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10) Each losing team player is suspended for one game 9) Add a "suicide" contest, just so we can see grown men throwing at each other and running like refugees8) Play the World Series winning team against the rest of the league, just so we can hear the fans of that team bitch...
Top 10 impossible ways to improve sports
July 10, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Don Quixote tilted at windmills; I tilt at sports. Here's ten ways to make sports better that will never, ever happen. 10) Outlaw athletes in broadcasting. Let's see; we've got people who go to school to learn how to perform as broadcast journalists. We also have people...
FTT Off-Topic: WILCO the Album
July 09, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Fans of the blog's later, unfunny work will recognize the recent fascination with Wilco, the critically acclaimed and burgeoning successful American alt-country band. Having just acquired their most recent album, I thought I'd review it here for the scads of FTT readers who...
Top 10 Sports Myths
July 08, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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10) Expansion ruins the sport. You get this one a lot in the NBA or NHL, where an unaesthetic team usually makes people wish for drastic corrections. But the problem is that the sports that used to sidetrack top talent (boxing, especially) have waned. The population, especially with...
Top 10 Things I Love About The MLB All-Star Game
July 07, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Do you have it -- the fever? The fever that can only be cured by the All Star Game? Let's go.10) Snubs! Is there anything better than hearing the outrage of defenders of a marginal All-Star that will, in all likelihood, wind up going to the game anyway when a veteran star decides...
Top 10 summer reach subjects for sports bloggers
July 06, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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10) Soccer. Every few years, there's some World Cup or Team USA moment for Blogfrica to huff and puff about, along with the standard line of discussion, i.e., This Will Really Change Things. It never does, other than making actual soccer fans see the writer for the poseur he is...
There is nothing safe in this room
July 05, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Pirouette!http://fivetooltool.blogspot.com - The Sports Blog That Loves You Back!
Quick Six NBA Picks
July 05, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Just because I haven't written anything about the rampant NBA moves of the last week doesn't mean I won't. Six quick winners and losers from the early moves...WinnersRockets. The de facto Ron Artest for Trevor Ariza deal doesn't sound like a great deal on name recognition...
Top 10 Depressed MLB Fan Bases
July 05, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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(What's this, a list? Yeah, 205 is having Financial Issues, so you get all your Shooter Content here again. Click on some ads, will you?) 10) New York Yankees. Don't let the recent winning streaks fool you; this is a roller-coaster ride with an undercurrent of real distaste...
Athlete Nicknames You Do Not Want
July 05, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Nicknames in hard economic times are always more red-meat, and with the current economic times not exactly inspiring much in the way of happy thoughts, I thought I'd get the ball rolling with some ugliness. Feel free to add yours in the comments, Theoretical Reader...Big SissyOld...
The FTT Movie Review: Public Enemies
July 04, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Saw this tonight with the Five Tool Ninja as part of our occasional Man Movie Madness. It's a period piece starring Johnny Depp and Christian Bale, where Depp plays Depression-era mobster John Dillinger, and Bale plays the FBI agent who's on his trail.Every gangster movie,...
205 Drop: Top 10 new WWE characters
July 03, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Oh, is there anything better than ending the week and setting myself up for a lazy 3-day weekend of yard work and house maintenance than an anal violation joke? I say no, no, a thousand times no, and declare my independence from the blog, notions of taste, feelings of shame at being...
205 drop: Top 10 things I demand in my sports podcast
July 02, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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What is a sports podcast, you might ask? Well, as today's drop indicates, for the most part it's mostly another excuse for the World Wide Lemur to lead the way into a new technology by recycling the same formula they've used in other mediums, and for the most part, the...
Top 10 things I demand in my sports podcast
July 02, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool.com10) Wankery. Do you have an unfortunate interest in cringe-tastic pop culture that is in no way related to your subject matter? Well, by all means, share it with the rest of us. Remember, you are the guy with the mic. That means we deserve whatever...
205 Drop: Top 10 threats to sports blogging
July 01, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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The drop today is a fairly dry piece which actually took some thought, which is to say, it will get absolutely no notice or traffic. Tomorrow's link, which I promise to grip and rip om something quite stupid, will be much more popular. Or something.Anyway, go take a look and see...
In the Long Term, We're All Over Paying
June 30, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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A Tweet (oh dear God, I've become one of Them) from Lemur NBA Head Ric Bucher inspired this. Bucher's point was that you should not sign away a "energy player" -- which is to say, a guy whose stock in trade is defense and/or all-around play -- to a big contract, because...
205 Drop: Top 10 compliments an athlete never wants to hear
June 30, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Today's drop is an exercise in the earlier, funny work, and this posting symbolizes this posting. If you get either of those references, you're probably even older than me, and really shouldn't be reading sports blogs. Waka waka!http://fivetooltool.blogspot.com - The Sports...
Occupiers
June 29, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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So I was reading a piece from a Palestinian author about what it's like to have grown up in Tel Aviv, and how everything that was there before the formation of the Israeli state was more or less systematically wiped off the face of the earth. Everything, that is, but the indigent...
I Think We Just Parted Amicably
June 29, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Perhaps the best thing ever on the Internets. Go with all speed.http://fivetooltool.blogspot.com - The Sports Blog That Loves You Back!
The Mets Are So Bad, Even Mariano Rivera Drives In Runs Against Them
June 28, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Tonight in New York, in front of a split crowd of their fans and Yankee Fans, the Mets did something no team has ever done before. They gave up an RBI to Mariano Rivera.In the ninth inning, K-Rod came in to keep it close in a 3-2 game. The inning led off with a miscommunication pop...
205 Drop: Top 11 reasons why Jimmy Rollins has sucked this year
June 28, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Today's drop is part of my continuing effort to double-bluff Jimmy Rollins into being, well, not the utter and perfect reason why my rotis team is 10th out of 12 clubs. I could, of course, put the blame on people like David Price, Matt Wieters, Ryan Ludwick, Joey Votto, Ricky Nolasco...
NBA Round Up: Shaq, Vince Carter, and a billion Wolfie Points
June 25, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Many quick thoughts on what went down in the Association the past few days...> The Magic got Vince Carter for a combo platter with one real player (Courtney Lee), one problematic piece (Rafer Alston) and one waste of space (Tony Battie). The more curious thing really is what this...
NBA Round Up: Shaq, Vince Carter, and a billion Wolfie Points
June 25, 2009 by
Five Tool Tool
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Many quick thoughts on what went down in the Association the past few days...> The Magic got Vince Carter for a combo platter with one real player (Courtney Lee), one problematic piece (Rafer Alston) and one waste of space (Tony Battie). The more curious thing really is what this...
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