LATEST STORIES FROM KISSING SUZY KOLBER
LOLNFL: Favre Bowl Special Edition
28 days ago by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Images via Yahoo! Sports and Sports Illustrated
Fun With… Bill Simmons?
29 days ago by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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We get a lot of requests every week to do FJM-style breakdowns of Bill Simmons’ columns. We largely avoid this because A) Peter King is more fun to poke fun at, B) It takes about seven seconds before Simmons trolls pop into the post and tell you what a HATURRRRRR you are, C) We [...]
Sexy Friday is Back and Dressed Up for Halloween
October 30, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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So here we are. Back to pictures of sexy people on Friday afternoons. Why? Because for the most part, the commenting was superb this week. We had one dumbass on Tuesday or Wednesday, and there was a case of failed sabotage this morning, but all in all the lack of bitching was a true delight [...]
Always Be Covering: A Salute to Prop Bets
October 30, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Stand at attention.
While last week’s individual game picks left a bit to be desired, the prop bets were quite successful. And hey, it worked once, so why not press our luck a bit? Continue after the jump for this week’s picks, a collection of the most enticing proposition...
The Avatars of Ungodly Football Futility. WHO YA GOT?
October 30, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Last year, the Lions set the benchmark for failure to which all future failures will be compared, at least until the NFL expands its schedule to 18 games and some woebegone franchise (Redskins?) finds a way to lose that many games in a season. This year, the Rams look every bit as...
‘Help! I’m a Poorly Constructed Villain in an ’80s Comedy!’ The KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag
October 29, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Wow. Some really great submissions this week. I would’ve loved to have gotten to every question, but I really do prefer to keep this shorter than a Gregg Easterbrook column. (Good Lord, could you imagine Easterbrook writing this column? (Sour Play of the Week No.2: When TMQ...
The 2009 KSK NFL Halloween Kostumekkake
October 29, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Halloween falls on a Saturday this year, which is tremendous when coupled with the coinciding occurrence of Daylight Savings Time. That’s an extra hour to sleep off all the drinking de los muertes before preparing for a day of sports-related drinking. And we’re counting...
Coach Ryan Likes Hot Dogs
October 29, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Mark Sanchez: Felt good to get back in the win column again, Thomas.
Thomas Jones: Yup.
Sanchez: Who we got this week? Miami? That’s gonna be a toughie.
Jones: Yup.
Sanchez: Heard about Coach Ryan chewing me out in the media over that hot dog?
Jones: Yup.
Sanchez: You think he’s...
The Officially Licensed Redskins Snyder Sign Post
October 28, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Dan Snyder: Greetings, subjects. Welcome to the Bi-Weekly Officially Licensed Redskins Leadership Communique, sponsored by Freecreditreport.com.
Crowd: HAIL!
Dan Snyder: Have the Officially Redskins Branded Harris Teeter Meal Rations been to your liking?
Crowd: HAIL!
Dan Snyder: That...
You + Peter King = Chemistry
October 28, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Tomorrow, in a convergence that is bound to shake the very foundation of these here internets, Peter King will be having a live chat over at Deadspin with Deadspin readers. Good chat. Lofty chat.
Anyway, here’s your chance to query the man in person. I’ll probably abstain...
Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week – Week 7
October 28, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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I have a smoke alarm in my home to prevent my family from burning to death in the middle of the night. I also have a carbon monoxide alarm, lest someone in the house pull a Vitas Gerulaitis. I have yet to have an unreasonable amount of smoke or carbon monoxide set these [...]
Off-Topic: Shooting The Value Menu
October 28, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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DIRECTOR: Alright, everyone are we ready? Great shoot so far, everyone! People are really going to love this new Value Meal commercial. Alright ready lights… ready camera…and–
[cell phone rings]
Ahh, dammit! I have to get this. Everybody take five, alright? [crew...
LOLNFL: Week 5
October 13, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Haynesworth image via the Bog
Other images via Yahoo!
Sean Taylor Memorial Meast Of The Week – Week 5
October 13, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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If you watched the end of the Broncos-Patriots game as I did, you remember sitting there for a solid minute or two after Matt Prater’s game winning kick as CBS cameras gleefully followed Bill Belichick around as he tried to search through the crowd on the field, in vain, for his...
Brian Russell Finally Does Something Good for the Seahawks
October 13, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Longtime readers of this site know that I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with aging white safety Brian Russell — in that I would love it if he died, because I hate him. But ever since the gritty veteran (read: slow and talentless) got cut by the Seahawks, I no...
Hispanic Heritage No Match For “Cannon Armed” White Guys From Michigan
October 12, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Even Suzy can’t believe Braylon caught balls tonight.
Last year with the Ravens, Rex Ryan’s defense made dolphin-filled tuna out of the Wildcat formation. Surely there was no way that Miami could win unless they did it like the Saints did last week – get more points...
Pussytubing Goes Primetime
October 12, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Far Too Many References to Drew’s Rex Postskkake
Remember that big offseason fight that Rex Ryan had with Channing Crowder? Of course you don’t, because everyone stopped paying attention to the Dolphins weeks ago. “BUT REX DIDN’T FORGET! HE’S GONNA HAVE...
Your Obligatory Limbaugh Ownership POFlaWA
October 12, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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As you’ve undoubtedly heard by now, conservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh is putting together a bid to purchase the St. Louis Rams in partnership Dave Checketts. Believe it or not, some people seem to think that this isn’t such a good thing. Countless writers have...
Peter King Does Not Approve Of You Getting All Chummy With Players
October 12, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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When we last left name-dropping thought football enthusiast Peter King, he was making a stupid amount of money, resisting the temptation to have a slumber party at various players’ houses, and marveling at barren moonscape that is Eastern Connecticut thru his Acela cabin window...
Colts vs. Titans: Because Flex Scheduling Doesn’t Start For Five More Weeks
October 11, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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The Colts are back on prime time television for the third time this season, and thank god, because I was beginning to forget what Peyton Manning looks like. Tonight’s match up isn’t exactly the gem it was supposed to be when the schedule came out, but it can’t be...
Putting the Super Mario Bros. Above These Hos
October 11, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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The Niners defense is already on my good side for putting up 39 points in fantasy last week, which almost single-handedly gave me a victory over Ufford. Nevermind that they might have a hard time duplicating that feat against a team not as surpassingly awful as the Rams, I still dig...
Your 1pm Open Thread: Crappy Games, Ahoy!
October 11, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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“For me ‘business casual’ means I’m in front of a judge again.”
Cleveland Browns fan John Thompson, better known by his nom de fatass “Big Dawg”, has apparently reached a settlement with “Madden NFL” manufacturer Electronic Arts. Thompson...
Don’t Sleep on Favre’s Eye Discipline!
October 06, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Favre was actually halfway competent on the big stage against a team he might have played for at some point if I heard everyone on my TV properly. Even on a night when Purple Jesus was held in check and coughing up the ball for an opposing defense TD. Meanwhile, Jared Allen was bowhunting...
Aaron Rodgers Aaron Rodgers Aaron Rodgers Aaron Rodgers Aaron Rodgers
October 05, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Aaron Rodgers Aaron Rodgers Aaron Rodgers Aaron Rodgers
Aaron Rodgers aaron rodgers aaron rodgers aaron rodgers. Aaron Rodgers aaron rodgers aaron rodgers aaron rodgers? Aaron Rodgers. Aaron Rodgers, aaron rodgers aaron rodgers aaron rodgers.
AARON RODGERS AARON RODGERS!
Aaron Rodgers...
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