LATEST STORIES FROM KISSING SUZY KOLBER
Untitled
June 03, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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FINALLY, SOMEONE TO TAKE THE PK BOUNTY. We mentioned earlier that Rodney Harrison will be taking over for The Bus on NBC’s Footbaw Night in Amurrica. However, it seems the erstwhile Pats safety is using the occasion to make waves, telling Dan Patrick in an interview that he has...
Untitled
June 03, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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HERE IS YOUR WEEKLY PLEA FOR SEXBAG QUESTIONS. So get on it. In an unfortunate update to an e-mail from a few weeks back, the guy who was dating the girl who was perfect in every way except for the one small fact that she routinely spouted obscenely racist remarks (kind of like Brigitte...
Untitled
June 03, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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THE DEFINITIVE TOME FOR ELITE FLYERS. Yes, free-floating text oaf Peter King will be releasing a book this fall, which, judging from the title, sounds like a best-of collection of his columns. Finally, a compendium of all his random indulgent shout-outs to call my own! Amazon cannily...
This Week In F—k You: UMBRELLAS
June 03, 2009 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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We’re in the slowest stretch of the offseason now: the dreaded post-draft period. There’s no football on, and there won’t be football on for quite some time. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, we’re hateful too. Of all things, at all times. Hating is...
Homerism Regional Final: No. 1 Jet vs. No. 2 Bear. WHO YA GOT?
April 26, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Bear:Represented by the UCLA Bruin. If you're getting a little tired of UCLA winning, as it seems some are, you probably shouldn't vote for the Bear. Bruins also represent that Boston hockey team, and we know what you all think of Boston.Stephen Colbert has made the bear out...
Surprise, Muthaphuckkas! I Ain't Dead!
April 22, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! APRIL FOOL'S, BITCHES!Bet y'all shocked to see me, ain't ya? Omigod, if y'all could see the looks on y'all's faces right now! You can't tell whether or not you're glad to see me or ready to fucking cut me in half with a machete...
For Once It Wasn't Anton Chigurh
April 21, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Shawne Merriman: Aw, fuck, again!? This is the second one that's been torched in the last few weeks. Can't be having this shit.Dexter, man, you gotta help me out with this.Dexter Morgan: Well, usually I only handle murders. This scene here, though, it's remarkably clean...
Bonus Friday Cheerleader Post... brought to you by SleepyCamHo.com
April 20, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Before another week draws to a close, I wanted to extend a hearty 'up yours' to the NFL owners who overwhelmingly rejected reseeding the playoffs to allow wild-card teams to host playoff games, at the expense of division winners with better records. There are valid reasons...
I Cannot Possibly Babysit All Of Darren McFadden's Illegitimate Children
April 16, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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<img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_3ZJuj_RcIcI/RvKF-q_bWuI/AAAAAAAAAas/rr9HZZL3-0Y/s320/phillips_wade.jpg" alt...
The End Of Brett Favre. The Beginning Of Brettbaro
April 08, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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I've been meaning to cancel my subscription to Sports Illustrated. Do I really need to know what Kristis Yamaguchi's favorite thing to microwave is? No, I do not. (She said "leftovers," which isn't even a fucking specific food. What a whore.) But I need something...
KSK Mock Draft: Pet Peeves
April 07, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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This week's draft is pet peeves we want ridden from the world.Important note: PEOPLE CAN'T BE PET PEEVES. "Ugh, I hate it when people bite their nails." That's a pet peeve. "Ugh, I hate Jews." That would be racism.With a nod to this McSweeney's piece...
Molested by Jack Hanna Regional SemifinalsBengal vs. Jaguar & Lion vs. Panther
April 07, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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One thing is readily apparent from the results of the Kill, Kill, Kill bracket thus far: you bastards love the chalk. All four of the big cats-- like other high seeds-- sailed through the first round. Subtle attempts by fellow Mafia members to spur some upsets have been underwhelming...
Say Hello To The Downfall Of The NFL
April 03, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Of all the things that could have brought the NFL to its knees
Here's A Juicy Rumor: Sprint's Simply Everything Plan Will Save You A Bundle!
March 29, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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While we're busy trying to figure out which draft pick might possibly sign with which agent (because that's interesting!), or telling you that Terry Bradshaw is dead, or pointing out that free agent contract you read about wasn't quite as lucrative as originally reported...
KSK Free Agency News and Notes
March 28, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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At KSK, we're painstakingly committed to creating a list of all the barely relevant early free agency transactions, losing that list, then reporting the results from memory.Gus Frerotte and Isaac Bruce released by the Rams. Who will Gus start two games for next season? You know...
Happy Fackin' Saint Patrick's Day, You Fackin' Quee-ahs!
March 28, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Finally, a fackin' day that recognizes me and my fackin' Irish kin! I've had enough of these parades fah Arabs, and faggots, and chicks with lumps in their tits! THIS IS FINALLY OWUH TIME TO SHINE! Pogue Mahone, you fackin' pussylickahs! Someone turn up that fackin...
The Friday Cheerleader PostGet a haircut ya dern hippies!!!
March 28, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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The league never banned long hair when they were playing. How are these guys any different from Rashean Mathis or Mike McKenzie?Ohhhhh right, they're not brown.According to Michael David Smith at the Fanhouse, the Chiefs are spearheading (arrowheading?) the NFL's proposed ban...
Homerism Regional 1st Round: No. 2 Bear vs. No. 7 Bronco. WHO YA GOT?
March 28, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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This opening round match-up pits ursa mighty against one of many retarded fucking horses we've got in the running in the mascot tourney. Will Mr. Bear get the chance to eat glue like Ralph Wiggum or will the Bronco learn for sure whether there is truth to the phrase "sweet...
The KSK Real NFL Mascot Kill Kill Kill Invitational Tournament
March 28, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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It's NCAA tournament time, which means that, in addition to filling out your actual bracket, you will now be deluged with hundreds upon hundreds of phony "mock" brackets designed specifically to waste your time: Hottest Chick Brackets, World's Awesomest Drummer Brackets...
Yapcunt Regional: No. 3 Texan vs. No. 6 Brown. WHO YA GOT?
March 28, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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The specific and the abstract stare each other down, with former Cleveland Browns and Cincinnati Bengal head coach and stadium namesake Paul Brown taking on a Texan, circa 1836-1845, when it was still a rugged frontier rather than a sprawling wasteland of high school football obsessed...
Michael Vick Breaks Out Of Jail, Gains 4,000 Lbs., Joins Packers
March 26, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Reader Andrew T. points us to obscure second year d-lineman Alfred Malone, who recently joined the Packers. Something about Alfred looks awfully familiar. Even suspicious. As flubby noted, Alfred Malone is an even worse pseudonym than Ron Mexico. Sounds like a shotgun-toting Irish...
Yapcunt Regional: No. 2 Giant vs. No. 7 PackerTALE O' THE TAPE
March 25, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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This matchup might appear to be one-sided on paper: Brobdingnagian versus lowly abattoir wage slave. But before you jump to any rash conclusions, remember Andre was only slightly larger than your average steer. Plus, they know how to get rid of the bodies. Incidentally, this bracket...
Favre retires day seven: flogging the expired equine
March 24, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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With the retirement of Brett Favre, die-hard Packer fans are struggling to come to grips with the loss of the face of the franchise. Message boards are full of cheeseheads sharing their favorite Favre memories. And since we have absolutely nothing else ready, we thought we would share...
I Do Not Feel Comfortable In The Confines Of A Strip Club
March 20, 2008 by
Kissing Suzy Kolber
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Wade: Welp, I'd say this has been a solid offseason so far for us. We had that tough go of it against those pesky Giants, but dangit if they didn't go hog wild and win that Lombardi Trophy! My my my! I think that's a good sign for us as a team. We're a bunch of young...
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