LATEST STORIES FROM PURPLE JESUS DIARIES
PJD is Dying … Only to be Resurrected Elsewhere
THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:
PJD IS BEING BURIED IN A TOMB.
But we’re not taking three days to rise again. Actually we’re available RIGHT NOW! with new material over at http://www.purplejesusdiaries.com. What? I changed the web address on you? Yes I did. Update your bookmarks, yo! Anyway, that’s where we’ll be from now on. It looks super professional...
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August 17, 2010
Discuss
Just When you Thought this Team Couldn’t Get any Gayer …
News trickled out today that former San Francisco, Cleveland, Detroit, Philadelphia, San Jose State, Generic Tri-Valley Little League, Miss Mary’s Preschool, and Tampa Bay quarterback, the totally heterosexual Jeff Garcia, was approached by the Vikings to see if he was ready to sign with them to be their starting quarterback in 2010 in case Brett Favre decided his ankle never...
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August 16, 2010
PJD’s Preseason One Game Recap – That’s How you Beat Third Stingers
See, I told you my prediction would be wrong: I’m kind of like the weather, in that sense; The only thing you can predict about the weather is that it is unpredictable. The only thing you can predict about my predictions are that they’ll be full of a bucket of fail that would make even the noobiest noob of 4chan roll their eyes like a dying fail whale who fails to breathe. Or...
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August 16, 2010
PJD’s Masturbatory Preseason Game Preview: A Bunch of Random Guys Show
EEEEEEEEEEEE!
*Breathes Into a Paper Bag*: I feel like a girl who just got her period for the first time, except without all the freaking out about who’s blood is this and everything, but HOLY **** REAL VIKINGS FOOTBALL IS BACK! And with this comes another PJD Masturbatory Game Preview. Since the end of the 2009 season, we’ve come across some new followers, so, just as...
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August 13, 2010
Whoa, Why’re we Talking About Chad Pennington?
Believe you me, I didn’t come up with this crazy idea myself, because I don’t exactly have an affinity for weak armed quarterbacks that underwent surgery to install a new robotic arm that was actually first developed in the 1920′s in Fritz Lang’s Metroloplis. But that’s exactly what Pennington is now, after bouncing from starter in New York, to starter...
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August 12, 2010
Compiling a Briefcase of Hate for your 2010 Opponents – Dallas Cowboys
The time is quickly approaching where the temperature will drop, your family time will be forgotten, and the dogs can stay inside all day Sunday. Yes, football is a mere (insert countdown clock here) days away! With the season fast approaching it is time to begin previewing the Minnesota Vikings 2010 opponents and assist fans in preparing their unnecessary venom, angst, ridicule...
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August 12, 2010
Psychic Octopus Says Favre Will Retire, This is Not a Joke Post
We all remember the psychic German octopus (that also hated Jewish people, I presume) who predicted eight World Cup matches correctly this summer, including the one where those Supermen lost and the Spaniards eventually winning it all. Well, this octopus ISN’T the same one, but it seemed to work for soccer, so how about something related to American football?
At the Mall of...
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August 11, 2010
Hussain Abdullah Not a Terrorist, Just Hungry
This Wednesday, August 11, 2010, marks the beginning of Ramadan for those of the Muslim faith. It is a spiritual journey where those who partake in the event fast from food and liquid from sun up to sun down. It is a spiritual cleansing process, where those of the Muslim faith ask for their forgiveness for sins and get in touch with their faith. For Minnesota Vikings backup safety...
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August 11, 2010
A Favre **** Witness Question Mark?
It seems much longer than just a week ago when the Favre-**** story broke ground, yet here we are almost all having forgotten about it aside from snide Croc jokes and lecherous old man comments. UNTIL THIS FLOOZY BROUGHT IT BACK!!
That more-machine-than-woman you see there with the busted face is named Allison Torres (link MNSFW?). She has crazy amounts of nude pictures on the internet...
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August 10, 2010
LOLVikes at Training Camp 2010
With the first week of training camp now in the books, it is time to review all of the excitement that comes with the return of football on the field through PJD’s LOLVikes, a 2010 Training Camp edition! Thanks to ESPN1500 for the photos …
And not really anything related to training camp, but this was too good to pass up …
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August 10, 2010
Favre Telethon Lacks Donated **** Photos
Seen last week at Vikings Gab and at ESPN North’s blog, a recent faux-telethon was shown where Minnesota Vikings left tackle Bryant McKinnie essentially places his vote of zero confidence in Tarvaris Jackson by hosting the Brett Favre telethon.
As you can see in the video, there’s a fat guy with a beard that also happens to be stupid because he thinks the telethon is...
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August 09, 2010
The Unedited John Randle Hall of Fame Induction Speech
Over the weekend, former Minnesota Viking defensive tackle John Randle was inducted into the Football Hall of Fame. During his induction, he gave a moving speech that was eye opening in that it remained true to his trash talking roots typically heard from opposing players on the field. What fans saw on TV was an edited version that erased the shocking expletives, but amazingly PJD...
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August 09, 2010
Oh, There be Training Camp News Too
I don’t know about you there readers, but between all the retirement talk, **** photos, and fire being spit at Judd Zulgad, we’ve hardly had any time to catch up on what is really going on in the world of Vikings football, namely the juicy details from the 2010 training camp. There have been plenty of surprises, plenty of disappointments, and of course several players...
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August 06, 2010
Purple People Apparel – Get your Crocs Right
I have a confession to make. I’ve always hated on Crocs. They are the dumbest things in the world. I don’t care if you think they are comfortable to wear, or if they’re easy for your children to put on. Maybe your children shouldn’t be brain dead and they could learn to tie their own shoes. ****, give them velcro. Velcro is sweet. Also? Crocs make your feet smell like I imagine...
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August 05, 2010
Compiling a Briefcase of Hate for your 2010 Opponents – The New York Jets
The time is quickly approaching where the temperature will drop, your family time will be forgotten, and the dogs can stay inside all day Sunday. Yes, football is a mere (insert countdown clock here) days away! With the season fast approaching it is time to begin previewing the Minnesota Vikings 2010 opponents and assist fans in preparing their unnecessary venom, angst, ridicule...
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August 05, 2010
Favre Retires? Childress Confident? Players Frightened? Fans Suicidal? Awesome Sauce.
The internet was a flurry yesterday with the news that Brett Favre has finally decided to retire. First reported by straight faced Judd Zulgad of the Star Tribune, the story quickly spun out of control. ESPN set their “best” reporters on the case to try and confirm the story, while they simultaneously showed highlight reels of the famed quarterback like it was his eulogy...
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August 04, 2010
Brett Favre Likes Horndoggery?
Sweet Jesus, this could be gold. Deadspin started talking yesterday about a juciy bit of news that will make Saint Favre perhaps not such an everyday Joe as one would think. Except for the Crocs reference. That would mean he’s an everyday Wisconsin Joe. But submitted to Deadspin from some anonymous reader:
PS, when the texts/pics/calls started… [Redacted] asked Peter...
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August 04, 2010
TarVar Selling his Minnesota House Question Mark?
Where my house be?
I’m not entirely sure what this means for you, me, the history of the jump pass, the future of the forward pass, or TarVar Jackson himself either, but some totally random website that … well … I wouldn’t trust anymore than a guy with a pencil mustache telling me “I’m totally clean, baby!” alleges that TarVar’s is...
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August 03, 2010
Mike Martz Still Doesn’t Understand He’s No Longer a Good Coordinator
Do you remember Jay Cutler? The former Denver quarterback who puss-faced his way out of Denver so he could go to Chicago and apparently lead a team to the Super Bowl, as was predicted in 2009? Well, ok, so maybe things didn’t actually go over that well for Cutlerfucker in 2009, but NOW he’s got Mike Martz as his offensive coordinator and THEY ARE GOING TO TEAR THIS ROOF...
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August 03, 2010
PJD’s Fantasy Football League Update
Wait, what? Someone actually went through with this idea? Well, yes. Kind of.
Invitations to PJD’s Inaugural Fantasy Football contest were sent out this weekend to lucky participants. Mostly, it’s the four of you that read this site, so if you were anticipating one and didn’t receive it, make sure to check your bulk mail or spam box, as I most assuredly have been sending...
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August 02, 2010
Pat Williams Just … Went on … A Really Strict Diet … Yeah …
There were just a couple of raised eyebrows this weekend when the Minnesota Vikings opened their training camp up, especially when 37 year old defensive tackle and notorious large waisted man, Pat Williams, appeared in Mankato perhaps a few pounds lighter than fans remembered him being.
“I’ve always been fast” he quipped to reporters and fans when he arrived last...
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August 02, 2010
Purple Jesus Diaries Nonsensical 2010 Minnesota Vikings Training Camp Suck Off!
Sweet mother of Mary we are BACK! Football stuff! Passes! Tackles! Unmet expectations! By Odin’s Beard it has been so long. Today is Friday and later this afternoon your Minnesota Vikings will lumber onto a practice field in Mankato, Minnesota, and halfheartedly run through a couple of different movements that kind of look like, maybe appear to be, MIGHT just pantomime real...
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July 30, 2010
The Most Awesomest Picture of Jared Allen you Have Seen Yet
I don’t know why, nor do I really care, but Jared Allen has apparently been attacked by a wild pack of (Timber?)wolves/dogs.
Well, that’s not true. I do know why, at least partially. He was taking part in some type of training activity apparently during his recent USO Tour in Afghanistan. The end result is obviously horrific. Or wait, awesome. In the two picture provided...
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July 29, 2010
Compiling a Briefcase of Hate for your 2010 Opponents – Detroit Lions
The time is quickly approaching where the temperature will drop, your family time will be forgotten, and the dogs can stay inside all day Sunday. Yes, football is a mere (insert countdown clock here) days away! With the season fast approaching it is time to begin previewing the Minnesota Vikings 2010 opponents and assist fans in preparing their unnecessary venom, angst, ridicule...
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July 29, 2010
Whatever, Vikings sign a Bunch of Dudes
I’d personally like to thank the Vikings for waiting until the last moment to sign a bunch of their rookie draft picks. This delayed signing obviously meant that the organization REALLY crunched the dollars and cents on these rookies and got the absolute best deal possible for the team. It also means that I wasn’t allowed the freedom to space these signing updates out...
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July 29, 2010
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