LATEST STORIES FROM SERIOUS SPORTS NEWS NETWORK
UPDATE: Sabathia secures meeting with Springsteen at Super Bowl
February 01, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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TAMPA BAY, FL?As recently reported by your humble correspondents at SSNN, Yankees ace and gigantic Bruce Springsteen fan CC Sabathia has been waiting in heightened anticipation for Springsteen?s halftime performance at the Super Bowl later tonight. Wishing to brighten up a few lives...
Bruce Springsteen eaten by CC Sabathia during meeting
February 01, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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TAMPA BAY, FL — Millions of Americans are reeling right now after they’ve found out that Bruce Springsteen will not be able to perform at halftime of the Super Bowl, after the crooner was attacked and eaten by Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia.
As SSNN had previous reported...
CC Sabathia ?so freakin? pumped? for Springsteen halftime show
January 31, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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TAMPA BAY, FL?Like much of America, Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia is looking forward to tomorrow’s Super Bowl. Unlike the overwhelming majority of his countrymen, however, Sabathia will not be tuning in to watch the match-up of the explosive offense of the Arizona Cardinals against...
Obama bets stimulus plan on Super Bowl
January 30, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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WASHINGTON, DC — President and number one sports fan Barack Obama has bet the future of the trillion dollar economic stimulus plan on the outcome of this weekend’s Super Bowl between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Arizona Cardinals.
“John McCain and I have a wager...
God to smite prayers at Super Bowl
January 29, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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HEAVEN — God is mad as hell and he isn’t going to take it any more.
The Almighty ripped Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner and Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu for their constant praising of Him in the run up to the Super Bowl.
Follow SSNN onâ€...
Sheets using Rosetta Stone to learn Spanish in hopes of being signed by Minaya
January 28, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK — Citing that “el saber de otra lengua es un cualidad de lanzadores muy buenos,” Ben Sheets announced today he is desperately trying to learn Spanish in hopes of being signed by Omar Minaya.
Sheets has, according to SSNN sources, purchased Rosetta Stone...
Arenas forced to drop “Black President” nickname
January 28, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Barack Obama’s Tuesday inauguration as America’s first African-American president, Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas has had to come to some tough realizations.
“All of a sudden, nobody will call me Black President anymore, and...
Boston man spends two-thirds of date talking about John Smoltz
January 27, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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BOSTON, MA — After a blind date turned into an educational seminar on baseball, Jamie Jones told SSNN there is a “better chance of Tommy [O'Brien, her date] sleeping with Denis Leary,” than ever taking her out again.
“At least Denis Leary is a Red Sox fan...
Kurt Warner regularly thanks God for Matt Leinart sucking
January 27, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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TAMPA, FL — As a successful man of faith,
Canseco ready to beat up more Hollywood stars (maybe)
January 27, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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PHILADELPHIA — Training in a seedy Philadelphia gym on the wrong side of town, washed-up major league steroid user Jose Cancesco has found a new outlet for
After dropping from Senate contention, Kennedy wants New York job where you get paid $20 million a year to do nothing
January 26, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK CITY, NY — When presumptive frontrunner Caroline Kennedy withdrew her name from consideration for the New York senate seat vacated by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, many people assumed there was another shoe yet to drop – and so there is, as Kennedy today...
Carroll actually angry at Sanchez over QB’s intent to “stick it to my daughter”
January 26, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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LOS ANGELES, CA — Football fans around the country were surprised earlier this month when normally ultra-supportive USC Trojans head coach Pete Carroll seemed to publicly disapprove of quarterback Mark Sanchez’s decision to make himself eligible for the NFL Draft.
Though...
Cardinals move up to seventh in ESPN’s latest power rankings
January 25, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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BRISTOL, CT — Sunday’s release of the ESPN.com’s latest NFL power rankings saw the
George W. Bush no longer feeling guilty about managing his fantasy baseball team for 8-10 hours a day
January 24, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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CRAWFORD, TX — Four days removed from his eight-year term as President of the United States of America, a seemingly happy-go-lucky George W. Bush is feeling a lot better about himself.
“I’ll tell you, there were just a lot of things I was feeling bad about down the...
Tell-all book reveals McGwire took steroids, had facial hair, played for Cardinals
January 24, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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ST. LOUIS — A tell-all book by controversial slugger Mark McGwire?s estranged brother Jay is being met with interest by the sporting world thanks to the revelation that the book will reinforce obvious truths about the former home run champ, including the reminders that McGwire...
Cardinals receiver says Bernoulli Effect to blame for sideline spat
January 24, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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PHOENIX, AZ —
CBS decision to ring in Obama presidency with “One Shining Moment” montage proves controversial
January 23, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK CITY, NY — After spending most of the day Tuesday covering the inauguration of new US President Barack Obama, CBS television used the evening and all night to repeatedly air a montage featuring footage of Obama set to “One Shining Moment,” the NCAA Tournament...
Yankees assign Mark Teixeira to wake up CC Sabathia from hibernation
January 23, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK — With spring training just around the corner, the New York Yankees are beginning their final preparations for the season. This year, that includes the daunting task of waking up pitcher CC Sabathia from his three-month hibernation.
“Yeah, someone’s gotta...
Local fantasy league commish draws first pick in the draft for fourth year in a row
January 22, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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BLOOMINGTON, MI — Even though snow still covers the frozen Michigan tundra, the first sign of spring has appeared for the members of the Bloomington Fantasy Baseball Association.
The BFBA conducted its annual pre-draft drawing for positions, and wouldn’t you know it, commissioner...
Nets expected to sign sack of rocks for $2.3 million to facilitate Hughes-Simmons trade
January 22, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ — As the NBA trade deadline approaches, rumors of a trade involving Bobby Simmons of the New Jersey Nets and Larry Hughes of the Chicago Bulls are heating up, but salary issues threaten to torpedo the deal.
“We want Larry, and we definitely want to...
Jacksonville Jaguars blogger can’t figure out uncharacteristically low traffic from Tuesday
January 22, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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JACKSONVILLE, FL
Obama signs executive order shutting down Detroit Lions
January 22, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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WASHINGTON, D.C.?Calling its existence ?an affront to everything our nation stands for? and declaring its legacy ?a stain upon our history that we will never be able to fully erase,” President Obama fulfilled one of his longstanding campaign promises in the first hours of his...
Local man has to recalculate entire draft plan upon hearing of Kent’s retirement
January 22, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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TRENTON, N.J. — The world of Jason Ruffalo was thrown into upheaval this week when mustachioed L.A. Dodger second sacker Jeff Kent announced his retirement from baseball. “I had Jeff Kent slated for the 2nd round, 18th pick overall,” Ruffalo said. “So not only...
Kent retires, much to nobody’s dismay
January 22, 2009 by
Serious Sports News Network
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LOS ANGELES, CA — A major hot stove story broke from the Los Angeles Dodgers today, where five-time All-Star and probable Hall-of-Famer Jeff Kent announced his retirement from Major League Baseball. Strangely, however, nobody appears to be upset over the second baseman&rsquo...
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