LATEST STORIES FROM SERIOUS SPORTS NEWS NETWORK
Cutler misses crucial practice when stuck in line buying fleece throws at Old Navy (for only $3!)
December 23, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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DENVER, CO — Broncos starting quarterback Jay Cutler took a personal day Tuesday, blowing off a crucial practice so he could shop at Old Navy.
“I was on my Twitter this morning and everyone was tweeting about these $3 fleece blanket/throw-type thingies that they were selling...
Korhnheiser makes MNF execs wistful for halcyon days of Dennis Miller
December 23, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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CHICAGO, IL — As yet another season’s worth of Monday Night Football featuring Tony Kornheiser draws to a close, the higher-ups who handle the ESPN’s sole pro football property are once again lamenting the short-sighted dismissal of the great Dennis Miller after the...
Aaron Rodgers attempting to celebtrate both Christmas and Hannukah
December 23, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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GREEN BAY, WI — Citing his obligation to represent the interests of “Wisconsin’s fine Jewish citizens,” Aaron Rodgers has announced that he’ll be celebrating both Christmas and Hannukah this year.
“I have learned a little bit about Hannukah this...
Millen Claims 0-16 Lions Season will be his Magnum Opus
December 22, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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DETROIT, MI
Youkilis storms out of spinning class at local gym in protest over lack of Hannukah music
December 22, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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BOSTON, MA — Volatile Red Sox infielder Kevin Youkilis stormed out of a spinning class today after just 37 minutes in a vicious protest over what he felt was an anti-Semitic playlist.
The trouble started shortly after Youkilis, who is Jewish, arrived at a Gold’s Gym on...
TO mad that people aren’t including him in stuff anymore
December 21, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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DALLAS, TX — When Terrell Owens thought that Tony Romo and Jason Witten were re-making plays with the explicit purpose of not including him, it was the last straw.
Owens said that people have been leaving him out of stuff for a while. It all started back in August, according...
FOX trades NFL Robot for BCS Championship
December 21, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK, NY — It was announced earlier this month that the Fox network would not retain the rights to broadcast the
Playboy Playmate named guest offensive coordinator for Philadelphia Eagles
December 20, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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PHILADELPHIA, PA
Family dog furious after NFL Network left on all day Friday
December 20, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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DENVER, CO — Jon and Katie Dempsey’s dog Rex is furious with the couple this snowy Saturday morning after they accidentally left the NFL Network on all day Friday while the dog was at home.
The Dempseys generally leave the television on for Rex during the day, so that...
Johnson proposes 24/7 of himself preparing to battle his own demons
December 20, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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KANSAS CITY, MO — On the heels of the latest news in his seemingly neverending saga of legal issues, Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson told SSNN that he is in negotiations with HBO Original Entertainment to begin shooting a new version of the network’s popular...
Pavano to Yankees: “Be careful with long-term, high-dollar contracts for generally-unproven, injury-prone free agent pitchers
December 19, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK — In the wake of the New York Yankees closing on a long-term deal with A.J. Burnett, the team heard from an old friend with a word of warning.
The warning came in the form of an email from Pavano, whose four-year, $40 million deal with the Yankees recently came to an...
Entire Jaguars offense misses bus (barely)
December 19, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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Entire Jaguars offense misses bus (barely)
JAcKSONVILLE, FL — The entire Jacksonville Jaguars offense, led by quarterback David Garrard, missed the team bus back to the hotel where they stay the night before games, according to reports.
“We looked out the window of the...
Peyton Manning goes ?off register? on Ashley?s Christmas gift
December 18, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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INDIANAPOLIS, IN?Colts quarterback Peyton Manning learned a valuable lesson last year when he forgot to buy presents for his wife Ashley in the holiday rush. Although tragedy was narrowly averted when the pro-bowler managed to find a pawn shop that had a vintage copy of the
76ers’ Brand to miss 3-4 weeks with torn labia
December 18, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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PHILADELPHIA, PA
Lebron James furious about all these damn emails from David Plouffe and Barack Obama
December 18, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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CLEVELAND, OH — Lebron James checks his email about three times a day, and he’s getting pretty sick of seeing the words “Plouffe” and “Obama” every time.
“I donated $25 to the campaign,” James said. “One time, you know, so I could...
Brett Favre ruining Jets? gift exchange with ?buy American? obsession
December 18, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK — Reports from the New York Jets indicate that Brett Favre is negatively affecting the team’s annual Christmas gift exchange.
“For a long time, every year we do a little ‘Secret Santa’ deal,” said receiver Laveraneus Coles.”Fifty...
McCain throws red challenge flag on election
December 18, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Nearly a month and a half after the final results were tallied, Republican Presidential candidate John McCain has thrown his red challenge flag on the 2008 Election.
“After watching this weekend’s football games, I am quite convinced that simply...
Teammates: Fred Taylor’s text messaging “out of control”
December 18, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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JACKSONVILLE, FL —
Lions see potential in winless season
December 17, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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DETROIT — Much has been made in the media about the Detroit Lions? quest for the perfectly imperfect NFL season: a winless record through sixteen games ? a feat never before accomplished in professional football. Despite the prospects of such an embarrassing moment in sports...
Florida State Rhodes Scholar stymies local sports satire staff
December 17, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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THE SSNN NEWSROOM — A late breaking report indicates that the staff of a sports satire website has been struggling with the same story for about four weeks, with no end in sight.
The trouble at Serious Sports News Network began on November 23, 2008, when national news broke...
(Jim) Rome sacked by barbarians
December 17, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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LOS ANGELES, CA
Ashley Manning furious with Peyton over Iron Gym pull-up bar purchase
December 17, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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INDIANAPOLIS, IN — There is only one rule in the Manning household — no surprises. That is why Ashley Manning is furious with her husband Peyton after his recent purchase of an Iron Gym Home Fitness pull-up bar.
“I came home yesterday and I go in the bedroom and...
Hamilton wins best season by dude who once had a heroin addiction
December 17, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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ARLINGTON, TX — Much was made in baseball circles of the lack of activity during last week’s Winter Meetings in Las Vegas, but fans may be surprised to learn that more was decided than MLB originally let on.
The Texas Rangers announced today that a majority vote among...
Marc Bulger has decided to go on J-Date
December 17, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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ST. LOUIS, MO — St. Louis Rams starting QB Marc Bulger surprised teammates, media members and the Jewish community of greater St. Louis when he announced during his Wednesday press session that he intends to join J-Date, an online dating community for members of the Jewish faith...
Announcement of canceled Arena Football League season is accidentally covered
December 16, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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BRISTOL, CT?To the shock and surprise of many, the announcement that the 2009 Arena Football League season would be canceled due to financial problems, was actually noted and covered by mainstream media outlets, including ESPN?s SportsCenter. The mention of the AFL on the famous sports...
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