LATEST STORIES FROM SERIOUS SPORTS NEWS NETWORK
Fred Taylor “finally going to sit down and write” this offseason
December 16, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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JACKSONVILLE, FL — Jacksonville tailback Fred Taylor has cleared his schedule for the months of March and April, and is planning on adding a new title to his already lengthy list of accolades and accomplishments: author.
That’s right, the speedy 30-year-old back has plans...
Former college journalism major furious with fantasy football leaguemates due to lack of appreciation of weekly newsletter
December 15, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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Yankees make a play for another big-named pitcher
December 14, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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BRONX, N.Y. — Following the historic signing of pitcher C.C. Sabathia, the New York Yankees are in talks with another big name, announcing Thursday that they are going to pursue pitcher Cy Young.
“Yes, we can confirm that we want Cy Young to come play for the Yankees...
Tebow wins Wilson award for third year in a row
December 14, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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HOLLYWOOD, CA — While the Heisman winner won’t be announced until Saturday, Tim Tebow added yet another prestigious piece of hardware to his mantle.
Tebow was announced Friday as the winner of the 2008 Luke Wilson award for the college athlete with the squarest face or...
“Plaxico” facing serious decline as a baby name
December 14, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK, NY — An exclusive SSNN report has revealed that the popularity of “Plaxico” as a baby name is plummeting due to the recent shooting incident and other controversies surrounding Plaxico Burress.
“We are saddened to report that the prevalence of Plaxico...
First unanimous vote elects steroids to Hall
December 12, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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COOPERSTOWN, NY — The Baseball Hall of Fame opened in 1939 with the induction of Babe Ruth and 12 other living legends of baseball. In the 68 years since its doors first opened, not one entity was voted in on every ballot; until now. With the first unanimous vote in the history...
Nats offer to $160 million to Teixeira LOL!! LMAO!
December 11, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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WASHINGTON, DC — The Washington Nationals have made an eight-year, $160 million contract to Angels first baseman Mark Teixeira, LOL!!!!
“Yeah, we totally offered a $160 million contract to Mark Teixeira, LOL, LMAO,” wrote Jim Bowden, GM of the Nationals, in an email...
Colt McCoy worried Palin has "gone rogue" on Heisman campaign
December 10, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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AUSTIN, TX — Texas Lonhorns quarterback Colt McCoy is expressing concern today that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has become a hindrance to his
Sabathia to eat old Yankee Stadium
December 10, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK, NYa?"The signing of CC Sabathia by the Yankees on Wednesday presented the Yankees with one answer to two of their problems: shoring up their porous pitching staff, and a way to destroy the old Yankee Stadium.
"We were all set to wire up the place for demolition...
Braves' Wren: Trade for Vazquez the "move of the year"
December 09, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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ATLANTA — Atlanta Braves GM Frank Wren declared today that the trade he made for Javier Vazquez last week was the “move of the year” in baseball in 2008.
“Now that it’s the end of the year and we are all taking account of how things went, I think enough...
De La Hoya blocks punch from Pacquiao on Monday afternoon
December 08, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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LAS VEGAS, NV — Oscar De La Hoya spent most of Monday relaxing comfortably, recuperating from his possible career-ending thrashing at the hands of Manny Pacquiao Saturday night.
There was one brief moment of excitement around 3:37 pm Eastern time, when De La Hoya attempted to...
A-Rod to play for Israel in World Baseball Classic?
December 07, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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MIAMI, FL — After weeks of rumors incorrectly asserting that Alex Rodriguez would play for the Dominican Republic in the upcoming World Baseball Classic, SSNN has learned that actually the nation of Israel is making a late push for Rodriguez to join their team.
“It only...
CBS announcer goes to hospital after Tebowner lasts for more than four hours
December 07, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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ATLANTA, GA — At approximately 11 pm Saturday night, CBS sports announcer Gary Danielson realized it was time to head for the emergency room.
“Every single commercial for a male virility pill, like Viagra or Cialis, says that if your erection lasts for more than four hours...
Before Pacquiao-De La Hoya fight, super-excited Jim Lampley spends two hours shadowboxing in front of mirror
December 06, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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LAS VEGAS, NV — Jim Lampley, freaking out with excitement today, has spent at least two of the last three hours shadowboxing in front of a mirror in his hotel room at the Mandalay Bay Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, SSNN has learned.
“I woke up this morning and I was so...
Longhorns face difficult road to national championship
December 05, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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AUSTIN, TX — It almost seems like the BCS doesn’t want Texas to win a second national championship in five years this year.
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Sean Avery calls Bettman a "stinkypants crapface"
December 05, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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DALLAS, TX — Furious Dallas Stars defenseman Sean Avery lashed out at NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman after Bettman suspended Avery this week.
“Gary Bettman is a poohead, and that’s all there is too it. “He’s just a big ole stinkyface and he’s a meanie...
Kiffin "amazingly lame" for such a young coach
December 04, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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KNOXVILLE, TN — Lane Kiffin has arrived in Rocky Top, and the first reports are coming in about the 33-year old coach.
“I understand that Lane is only 33 years old,” said athletic director Mike Hamilton. “But don’t let that fool you. Lane is no young...
BCS chief: We'll try and have a national champ in place by April at the latest
December 04, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK, NY — In a hastily-called press conference, BCS officials made clear today that the public should prepare to wait awhile to know who is the 2008 National Champion.
“There is a very, very good chance that we will not know who is the national champion for some time...
Man in danger of losing family after 23rd straight fantasy loss
December 03, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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CHICAGO, IL–David Morton is reeling today after losing his 23rd consecutive fantasy footbal contest, and his difficulties on the virtual gridiron are starting to take over his real-life.
“Yeah, the wife gave me an ultimatum,” Morton told SSNN. “It’s win...
Kiffin to quit as Vols coach: "My work here is almost done"
December 02, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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KNOXVILLE, TN — Citing that he’d “accomplished everything [he] wanted to,” Lane Kiffin announced this morning that he’s resigning as coach of the Tennesse Volunteers football team after allegedly committing a recruiting violation.
“I came here with...
Texans-Jaguars game was actually played Monday, contrary to reports
December 02, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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HOUSTON, TX — SSNN has learned that the Monday Night Football contest between the Houston Texans and Jacksonville Jaguars actually did take place last night and was not cancelled as had been previously determined. The game, according to unsubstantiated reports, was allegedly...
Man spends entire afternoon figuring out how Andre Johnson can score 37.4 points in fantasy
December 01, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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LITTLETON, CO — Frank Spaggs had a lot of stuff to do this afternoon, but it’s all going to have to wait for tomorrow.
That is because Spaggs spent his entire afternoon at Dempster Accounting Partners concocting ways in which Andre Johnson could score the 37.4 points...
Tony Romo declares he's "really into ginger ale"
November 29, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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DALLAS, TX — Ever-quirky Dallas QB Tony Romo called a special team meeting Saturday to declare he’s “really into ginger ale.”
“Tony asked me to gather everyone on the team for a special meeting,” said WR Terrell Owens. “So I figured it was...
Florida Gators remove Detroit Lions from 2009 schedule due to BCS concerns
November 28, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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GAINESVILLE, FL — The Florida Gators have called the Detroit Lions and informed them that they will be cancelling next year’s proposed game, which was to be played at a neutral site in the Washington D.C. area next August. “This year we’ve seen more than ever...
A-Rod and Madonna schedule Xmas party for the night before Jeter's
November 27, 2008 by
Serious Sports News Network
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NEW YORK, NY — Every year for the last ten, Derek Jeter has rented out the Broome Street Bar one of the last weekends before Christmas, and he has all of his Yankee teammates and friends together to celebrate the holidays.
“I just love getting everyone together,”...
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