LATEST STORIES FROM SPORTRESS OF BLOGITUDE - SOURCE
Website Intercepts Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland’s Mother’s Day Card, Hilarity Ensues
Come on, in light of the entire Dez Bryant fiasco, that’s good stuff.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. Even if you happen to be a crack *****.
Happy Mother’s Day From Jeff Ireland [TAUNTR]
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May 07, 2010
Cheer Up, Flood Victims Of Nashville: Nick Saban Feels Your Pain
Bravely fighting off a flu-like bug, Alabama football head coach Nick Saban took some time while making an appearance in Nashville on his “Crimson Caravan” reality tour to offer his condolences to victims of the horrible flooding of the region.
You see, Saban knows what it’s like. He wasn’t born the Supreme Ruling Deity Of NCAA [...]
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May 07, 2010
I Guess Nutrisystem Doesn’t Think Alleged Rapists Want To Lose Weight
Jeez, talk about a company completely turning its back on the potential of an entirely new market of prospective customers.
TMZ reported earlier this morning that in light of his recent troubles involving 16-year-old girls, a pimp and a hotel room, Nutrisytem has dropped Lawrence Taylor as a spokesperson for their crappy-ass product. As you can [...]
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May 07, 2010
Wall Street Journal: Mets Fans Are A Bunch Of Drunken Oafs
At least when compared to their more sophisticated, non-inebriated Yankees fans counterparts. Hey, it’s the friggin’ Wall Street Journal that arrived at this determination, people, not me.
The Wall Street Journal hired the polling firm Public Opinion Strategies to conduct a survey of 650 men and women from all five boroughs whose ultimate goal was to [...]
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May 07, 2010
Epidemic Of Fan-On-Field Mania Spreads To Chicago, Taser Not Needed
Just like in the movie Outbreak, when that monkey virus spread across America after that McWhatever dude from that hospital show sneaked an infected primate into the country, the contagious affliction which causes fans at baseball games to run out on the field is spreading, and if left unchecked, could very well destroy the baseball [...]
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May 07, 2010
Wake N’ Blog: Oh My God, Lord Jesus Christ Got Run Down In Massachusetts!
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It’s a rainy day up here in the Land of 10,000 Lakes. Perfect blogging weather if there is such a thing. Alright, I’m babbling. Send tips, links and submissions to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A man named Lord Jesus Christ was hit by a car while crossing [...]
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May 07, 2010
Dana Jacobson Has Been Reduced To Interviewing Guys In Green Spandex Suits
How the mighty have fallen. One day, you find yourself on top of the world, co-hosting the upstart ESPN morning program Cold Pizza. Then, the network pulls the rug out from under you, changing the name of the show to ESPN First Take, sending you for a total loop. Embittered and frustrated, you reluctantly attend [...]
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May 06, 2010
Worst. Tiger. Woods. Headline. Ever.
So. Played.
Ugh. That’s terrible. Shame on you, Canadian headline writer people. That’s the kind of headline my pun-tarded brain would come up with.
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May 06, 2010
Ozzie Guillen Sticks ‘ABC’ Gum On Freddy Garcia After Subpar Pitching Performance
There are probably few things more degrading for a major league pitcher than having your manager come out and take the ball away from you after a pitiful performance. Unless you are dealing with Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, then you might be looking at an entirely new level of humiliation – even if [...]
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May 06, 2010
Teenage Australian Rules Football Team Ripped For Hooters Sponsorship
What a bunch of boobs, amirite? Why does there always have to be haters causing trouble for well-meaning eating establishments that just so happen to employ attractive, scantily-clad women serving chicken wings? An under-16 Australian rules football team in, coincidentally, Australia, have come under fire for entering into a sponsorship agreement with the local Hooters [...]
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May 06, 2010
Off Topic: White Castle Scented Candles Might Be The Best Worst Idea Of All Time
Mmmm-mmmm! Can’t you just smell the dehydrated onions? They’re fartingly delicious!
In a story from the “Who Are The Ad Wizards Who Came Up With This One?” department comes news that in honor of May being National Cheeseburger Month – no finer themed month on the calendar, I must say – White Castle will be selling [...]
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May 06, 2010
The Nicknames For Tim Tebow Created By Fans Are Predictably Terrible
Maybe now would be an appropriate time for everyone riding the Tim Tebow Bandwagon to take a deep breath, take a step back and slow down a little bit before the whole damn thing spirals out of control in a uncontrollable frenzy.
Not only was Tim Tebow’s Broncos No. 15 jersey the number one-selling jersey on [...]
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May 06, 2010
Would It Be More Or Less Shocking If The LT Arrested On Rape Charges Were Lily Tomlin?
Personally, I would go with less shocked if the LT in question were Lily Tomlin. There was always something off about that broad. And we have all seen that outtake from the filming of I Heart Huckabees where she has a complete meltdown. I tell ya, that lady is a menace.
In all seriousness, this whole [...]
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May 06, 2010
‘How Soon Is Now’ For Milton Bradley?
Outfielder Milton Bradley has asked for help from the Seattle Mariners in dealing with issues related to managing his stress, a problem which appeared to reach a boiling point earlier this week when he left the stadium during a game after getting benched in the 7th inning. Obviously, this isn’t the first time Bradley has [...]
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May 06, 2010
Alexander Ovechkin And A Sheep? Alexander Ovechkin And A Sheep
Ovie’s got nothin’ on this mutton!
D.C. Sports Bog has the details on this completely bizarre photo (summary: it was given to Ovechkin’s family as a gift), but more than anything, the photo amuses me without the need any context. It looks like an outtake from Borat, for crying out loud.
Alex Ovechkin with a sheep [D.C. [...]
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May 06, 2010
Wake N’ Blog: So Much For That Awful Stereotype That Asian People Cannot Drive
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. I hope everyone has sufficiently recovered from the drunken debauchery of their Cinco de Mayo celebrations. Myself? I’m still wearing my sombrero. Send tips, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. Hasta luego.
• If at first you don’t succeed, try, try and then try 958 more times. A [...]
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May 06, 2010
Bobby Cox’s ***** Cakegate: They Cut The ***** Off Bobby Cox(’s Cake) (With Video)
By now I am sure you have read about the little snafu that occurred when Atlanta Braves manager Bobby ***** traveled to D.C. to be honored by senators at the Dirksen Senate Building and the U.S. Capitol for his 50-plus years in baseball. Yeah, they spelled his name “*****” on the cake.
Said Cox:
“I’m taken aback [...]
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May 05, 2010
Breaking Twitter News! Jenn Sterger Just Woke Up From Her Nap
Some days I want to praise the gods above for the creation of Twitter. And other days, I want to curse the gods for my decision to follow Jenn Sterger. This is one of those days where my message to the gods falls in the latter category.
Thanks for the update, Jenn. And The Daily Line [...]
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May 05, 2010
It Seems Germany Is Entering An Ass-Kicking Contest And Looking For Backup
Hey, who hasn’t looked for some ass at one point or another, but this is ridiculous. First of all, the entire country of Germany needs a backup booty call butt right now? And just for the World Cup? Hasn’t the news of all the sex trade workers invading South Africa reached Deutschland?
Alright, alright. That’s enough. [...]
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May 05, 2010
Yes, Yes, Keep Them Coming, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Your Tears Sustain Me
That’s what you get for talking smack about America’s Favorite Dancing Queen/Part-Time Sideline Analyst Princess, you miserable hag!
For those of you catching up, on yesterday’s episode of The View, Hasselbeck, in her infinite wisdom and ethical superiority, cracked wise about Miss Andrews’ provocative choices in clothing, insinuating that the Peeping Erin...
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May 05, 2010
Bert Blyleven Should Dig Out His ‘I Love To Fart’ Shirt: Minnesota Wendy’s Now Selling A ‘Bert Burger’
Who needs induction into the Hall of Fame when you can get a fast food joint to name a burger after you?
That’s right, Twins broadcaster and all-around ragamuffin Bert Blyleven has partnered up with Minnesota Wendy’s franchises to sell the Bert Burger. Details regarding what exactly will go on the Bert Burger are sketchy right [...]
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May 05, 2010
Sweep The Leg, Johnny! Woman Born Without Arms Set To Receive Black Belt
Sheila Radziewicz, a 34-year-old woman from Massachusetts who was has thrombocytopenia-absent radius (or TAR) which caused her to be born without arms or kneecaps, is set to receive her black belt in tawkwondo. Her test is scheduled for next month.
Via the AP:
McCorry, her teacher, said he’s never seen a student like Radziewicz. Despite her [...]
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May 05, 2010
Anna Kournikova, Martina Hingis Reuniting For Some Sexy, Ball-Whacking Action
Uh-oh. I think I might have just committed an unforced error – in my pants. I can hardly be blamed considering I just learned that the former number one doubles team in the world – Anna Kournikova and Martina Hingis – will be getting back together to compete in the senior doubles at Wimbledon this [...]
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May 05, 2010
Like A Moth To A Flame, Another Phillies Fan Cannot Resist Temptation, Runs Out On Field
More fittingly, taking into account the class of people we are dealing with here, perhaps instead of moth to flame we should instead use “Like white trash to a Walmart” to describe the inescapable lure of the playing surface of Citizens Bank Park. Yep, bolstered by his appetite for 30 seconds of notoriety followed by [...]
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May 05, 2010
Wake N’ Blog: Taking A Swig While Waiting To Take A Field Sobriety Test Is Perfectly Sensible
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. If you would like to see one of your very own posts linked in this Peabody Award-winning sports blog link dump, send submissions in care of weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• After getting pulled over by Marion County Sheriff’s deputies in Florida, 61-year-old Dana Seaman (heh) took a [...]
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