LATEST STORIES FROM SPORTSMAN'S DAILY

From TSD AfterDark:

Concert Pianist Evegeny Zarafiants Accused of Finger Syncing Scriabin Etude only in TSD AfterDark
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  2 days ago
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Bastard Son of Charles Manson Named Bench Coach of Mets A League Team

Screwball. Jimmy Manson’s avant-garde baseball theories might have a ripple effect throughout the entire Mets system. ST. LUCIE, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Jimmy Manson, the 49 year old bastard son of killer Charles Manson was named Bench Coach of the New York Mets Single-A affiliate, St. Lucie Mets. The younger Manson, who bears a striking resemblance to his infamous...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  2 days ago
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Country Club Champ Comfortable Enough with Own Sexuality to Hit from Ladies’ Tee

Twilight of His Career. Wally Nafus from the rough. EXETER, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Wally Nafus, the long drive king at Fox Hill Country Club in Exeter, Pennsylvania, is a nine time club champ dating back to 1973. He won his last title in 1987, but now at age 62, Nafus is forced to hit from the ladies’ tee. “I’m three shoulder surgeries, two wrist surgeries and...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  3 days ago
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Lifelong Knicks Fan Falls Helplessly in Love with Celtics

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. BOCA RATON, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As he watched Paul Pierce pass Larry Bird to move into second place in franchise scoring as the Celtics won their fifth straight.against the Charlotte Bobcats, 47 year old Knicks fan Ira Berday found himself chewing on a bath towel and weeping uncontrollably...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  4 days ago
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Sportsman’s Daily’s Hall of Records Keeper Found Face Down in Pool of Own Vomit

He's History. TSD archivist goes into the big vault in the sky. BOCA RATON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Parker Boyd, the longtime Sportsman’s Daily records keeper, whose illustrious career spanned fifty-one years, is dead. He was 74. Boyd, who just last week signed a three year contract to remain on as the company’s official archivist, was found by nighttime custodian...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  5 days ago
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Madonna “Doing Fine” After Prosthesis Flies Across Stage at Super Bowl

A Leg Up on the Competition. Pop icon Madonna just moments before her unfortunate accident. INDIANAPOLIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Pop icon, Madonna lip synced her way into Super Bowl history as her halftime show at Super Bowl XLVI thrilled the faithful at Lucas Oil Stadium. The highly anticipated performance was sandwiched between two  halves of football that saw the...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  6 days ago
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TSD AfterDark

This teen’s musical taste doesn’t play to her peers. In TSD AfterDark.
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  7 days ago
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Alex Rodriguez Installs Applause Sign in Bedroom; Adds Studio Audience

Cameron-shy? Nope. A-Rod and Diaz enjoying a moment. NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez’ towering insecurities and overarching narcissism both on and off the field are legendary.  Now, the third baseman has decided to install a flashing applause sign in his bedroom. The move has apparently worked as girlfriend Cameron Diaz has jumped...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  9 days ago
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Angelo’s Angles: R.I.P. Angie Dundee

by Angelo Vecchio Prime Time. When they were young. No names needed here. February 2, 2012. It’s a busy news day, ain’t it?  I mean, the oceans’ tides froze in place as the world stopped when Donald Trump announced he is supporting Mitt Romney for President—-Trump promises to spare us running himself if only the GOP is smart enough to nominate Moderate...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  10 days ago
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Shaving Mishap Sidelines Eli Manning; Questionable for Super Bowl

Manning Up? Eli Manning will have to man up. Here he is seconds after shaving went askew. INDIANAPOLIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Teammates were concerned when New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning switched from a razor to an electric shaver last week, claiming he won’t get as close a shave and problems have been known to occur. “I told him.” said defensive end Jason...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  10 days ago
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Requiem for a Quarterback: Peyton Manning is (or Was) a Poet in the Huddle

My I compare thee to a late Fall afternoon, with 30 seconds left on the clock? INDIANAPOLIS, IN (The Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As word of Peyton Manning’s slow recovery from neck surgery lead to rumors of his pending retirement, some are beginning to talk about the quarterback’s legacy and meaning to the game. Whether or not he’ll play another down, one thing...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  11 days ago
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Flash Mob Asks Dwight Howard to “Shut Yer Freekin’ Pie Hole!”

All Flash. Omega Flash Mob serenades crowd and sends message to Superman. ORLANDO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Shoppers at Festival Bay Mall in Orlando were caught off guard yesterday as the Omega Flash Mob suddenly broke into song with lyrics targeted at Orlando Magic star Dwight Howard. They begged the center/power forward to please “shut yer freekin’ pie hole,” a...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  12 days ago
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S&P Downgrades New York Mets to “Really *********

Mr. Fret. The iconic mascot lets it all out. NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Standard and Poor’s (S&P), the US based financial service company and one of the big three credit rating agencies worldwide, has downgraded the New York Metropolitans National League Baseball Club (Mets) to the unprecedented status of “really ******.” A combination of the Wilpon...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  13 days ago
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Jerry Sandusky’s Private Paterno Eulogy Impresses Roman Polanski

The Sandy Man Can. Jerry Sandusky eulogizes JoePa in his own special way. STATE COLLEGE, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Embattled former Penn State assistant coach and accused child molester, Jerry Sandusky eulogized legendary head coach Joe Paterno yesterday in a private ceremony from his backyard seen on closed circuit television by a selected group of relatives and friends...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  16 days ago
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Steven Tyler Apologizes to Newly Deaf WWII Vet for National Anthem

You Like My Music Pops? Steven Tyler tries to right a wrong and fails. BOSTON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Alec Hotko, a 94 year old veteran of World War II, has remained in remarkably good health through the years. He attributes it to what he calls “clean living.” But Hotko was with family last Sunday when he suddenly lost nearly all his hearing just moments after Aerosmith...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  17 days ago
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“Oh ****!” Grampa Giampa Boots It On Live TV.

Click here to view the embedded video.
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  18 days ago
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Kotex New Sponsor of NHL; But Only During Periods

Period. Exclamation Point. D Lister Kathy Griffin thrilled to promote new Kotex®-NHL alliance. NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The NHL as been trying to figure a way to increase it’s viewership among women. Now a bold new marketing move may start that trend. Kotex® feminine hygiene products have signed on for the remainder of the 2011-12 season with the hopes of...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  18 days ago
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Boy Goes Swimming Five Minutes after Eating; Dozens of Parents Outraged

Hate to eat and sun. But… little Tyler Miller was in the pool almost immediately after downing a king size cheeseburger with all the fixin's. FORT LAUDERDALE (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Nine year old Tyler Miller is like most South Florida kids, he appreciates the fact that the abundant sunshine and warm temperatures allow him to play sports outside all year, including...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  19 days ago
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NFL Playoffs: Tim Tebow Engineers Spectacular 4th Quarter Cheese Dip

Cheese-us, Take the Wheel. Tim Tebow moments before unveiling his legendary, game saving cheese dip. DENVER (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It might be a Giants-Patriots Super Bowl, but the Broncos won’t go away. Quarterback and deity Tim Tebow got together with a select group of teammates and several fellow parishioners from the New City Church in Denver to enjoy the AFC...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  20 days ago
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REST IN PEACE, JOE-PA

* As a Penn State alumni, no jokes this morning. Just sadness that Coach Paterno passed away so quickly after being embattled by the Sandusky scandal. A few years back, I wrote at length about Micheal Vick’s “Bad Newz Kennels” and the disgrace that Vick was. Wow, Sandusky sure showed me a new dimension of sickness that overshadowed Vick’s sins by a hundred...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  21 days ago
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Cheesehead Dies; Cholesterol Level Induces Massive Stroke

Great Head. Cheesehead will remain immortal in Packers fan's hearts. GREEN BAY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Cheesehead, the unofficial mascot of the NFC champion Green Bay Packers, has died. He was 42. Cheesehead inspired thousands of imitators to don headgear in the shape of a triangular hunk of swiss cheese, but in an effort to excite the Packers fan base, he ignored...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  23 days ago
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Injury Update: God Took Rib from Tebow to Make 4th Round Draft Pick

Good Natured Ribbing. Tebow just seconds before having rib removed by major deity. DENVER (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) That torn rib cartilage Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow played with in the AFC Divisional playoff game last Saturday is apparently a lot worse than originally believed. Evidently, God took Tebow’s rib, a stunt He’s pulled at least once, and made a...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  24 days ago
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Sportsman’s Daily Institutes Bold New Drug Policy; Employees Must Now Bring Their Own

No Good Weed Goes Unfinished. TSD Human Resources Director, Rita Lopez inspects the source of inspiration destined for the writer's lounge. BOCA RATON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) A recent mandatory drug testing policy at the Sportsman’s Daily’s swanky penthouse offices in Boca Raton, Florida revealed that nearly everyone on staff was regularly using some sort of mind...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  25 days ago
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Carmelo Anthony Signals Renewed Commitment by Trimming Posse

Formerly a member of Carmelo Anthony's posse, Clayton Raines leaves for job interview dressed for excess. NEW YORK – (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Determined to show New York Knicks fans that he’s intent on bringing winning basketball back to the “World’s Most Famous Arena,” Carmelo Anthony underscored his seriousness by slimming down his posse. While most New...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  26 days ago
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After Stunning Loss, Clay Matthews Gets Dick Caught in Meat Slicer At Post Game Dinner

What a Dick! Matthews' post game hi jinx go askew. GREEN BAY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) If things weren’t bad enough for the Green Bay Packers, now this. First, their perfect season went awry with a loss to the Kansas City Chiefs, then offensive coordinator Joe Philbin’s son drowned, next came Sunday’s stunning 37-20 shellacking at the hands of the New York Giants...
Via Sportsman's Daily  |  27 days ago
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