In what was easily the most exciting college football playoff in the history of the NCAA, the TCU Horned Frogs prevailed over Boise State, we'll say 31-14, to capture the national title. Those frauds from Alabama were stunned by West Virginia in the first round, an upset that will be talked about for years to come by the fictional people who watched the game in the fantasyland...

There was a time in the not-too-distant past when the Giants were good at things like rushing the passer and tackling and covering wide receivers. Yeah, those days are long gone, along with the days of Survivor and Scrubs still being on the air.Wait. What? Those shows are still on the air?Well it doesn't change the fact the Giants would probably give up a couple touchdowns to...

There was a time in the not-too-distant past when the Giants were good at things like rushing the passer and tackling and covering wide receivers. Yeah, those days are long gone, along with the days of Survivor and Scrubs still being on the air.Wait. What? Those shows are still on the air?Well it doesn't change the fact the Giants would probably give up a couple touchdowns to...

Why just the other day, I sat down and had lunch with one of my favorite people on this planet, Agent Smith. You might know him as that guy who keeps the peace in The Matrix. I know he seems like a hard-ass, but when he's off the clock, he's really a delight with a great sense of humor.So there we were, enjoying the lunch buffet at Cheetah's, and he starts going on and...

First off, you probably have no idea who Mike Celizic is. Like I said in the headline, he's a sportswriter. He's done some stuff for a lot of publications, but I think if you do know him it's from one of two places: His work at MSNBC, or from Fire Joe Morgan's takedown in which he was called Hat Guy.So Hat Guy was in London recently, having a jolly good time with...

In the hecticness of last week, I forgot to do these. I know. How did the Earth not fall off its axis? I asked the same thing. That's why I made twice the effort in this week's power rankings. Sadly, any number multiplied by zero equals zero, so you're getting the same turd you'd usually get. 1. New Orleans Saints (12-0) -- In a way, I want to see the Saints and Colts...

Personally, I don't think anyone's sexual preferences are anyone's business, but if you're going to report that Hines Ward, gay, might be out for Week 14, maybe you want to make it a bigger deal. Or not at all. Seems like ESPN is the one that's confused here.I just don't like the lack of subtlety here by ESPN. I really hope some gay rights get involved here...

In late September, I brought forth the hypothesis that Cowboys offensive lineman Flozell Adams was a fat dick. It was a scientific study involving charts, graphs, bunsen burners, a powerpoint presentation and me a in white lab coat holding a stick. Or maybe it was a blog post.At that point, Adams had done the virtuous thing any fat person who can't block a skinny person would do...

As the highly fancy graphic shows, it's December, and that means we can finally start basking in the glow of the failures of Brett Favre and Tony Romo. We waited patiently, like a first-timer at an illegal massage parlor, and now we're receiving our happy endings.You might be quick to point out that Romo played extremely well in the Cowboys' loss to the Giants and it...

Let's say every time I take a dump, it's a pain-free and joyous excretion of fecal matter. It lasts no more than five minutes and involves minimal wiping. However, every time I inspect my poop before flushing, I notice copious amounts of blood in the bowl.Should I maybe get some help for my bloody stool, or should I just continue crapping the way I have been all this time...

Mark Sanchez is the anti-Roger Dorn. He's diving for everything. Which is exactly why Rex Ryan would like to beat that competitive spirit out of him before it's too late.The handsomest interception machine in the NFL hurt the PCL in his right knee last night while diving for a first down against the Buffalo Bills. Sure, you'd love for your QB to slide in most cases, but...

Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez hasn't had the best of starts with the Wolverines during his first two years in Ann Arbor, but the man is a football genius who has a way with words.Just last night, he told the media that the NCAA investigation into his program was sort of like Hurricane Katrina, which devastated the city of New Orleans in 2005. His ability to so wonderfully...

Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, who to the best of my knowledge isn't cheating on his wife, was cited for driving 109 mph in Minneapolis over the weekend. Early reports indicate he was trying in vain to escape from Brett Favre's shadow.Edina police spokeswoman Molly Anderson says Peterson was pulled over just before 8:30 p.m. Saturday.Peterson was driving his BMW on...

For most of this season, my friend Steve (we can call him something more catchy, like Esteban) and I have discussed what an absolute mess the Raiders have become. No quarterback, seventy hundred running backs, no wide receivers, no GM, a psychotic coach, one great corner and one great defensive end who came at the expense of a valuable draft pick.So we decided to start writing a...

You won't believe this, but Jason Whitlock came to the defense of Tiger Woods tonight. I know, right? Sounds crazy that he'd do that for Tiger. It's completely out of character for Whitlock do that sort of thing Woods.End sarcasm font.If you don't want to go through the whole article of the SSBing of the article you're about to read, allow me to provide you a...

Sometimes it's hard for me to identify with athletes. Yeah, I have the talent of a Wayne Gretzky, but I'm far more a physical presence. Yeah, I have the dominance and bald head of Michael Jordan, but I'd shoot myself if I had to play golf as much as he does. Yeah, I have the good looks of Tom Brady, but I'm not big on knocking up girlfriends and leaving them for supermodels...

I don't know where I'm going with this. Let's find out.When I was a freshman in high school, I had a few friends who were seniors. And those friends had girlfriends who were seniors, so of course they were far hotter and exotic than girls who were freshmen. For my money, the hottest girl in my high school was Blisten Jickolly.Obviously we're going to use fake names...

Just days after being named Sportsman of the Year by Sports Illustrated, a popular magazine from the 1980s, Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter added another well-deserved accolade to his list when he was tabbed Dancer of the Year by Dancer Magazine.While Jeter lacks any sort of training in the field of dance, he showed millions on a daily basis the grace of a swan and the footwork of...

Clearly we're all backed up after Jake Gyllenhaal took over the site for a day. What an entertaining writer he is. But because of him, we are now a day behind, and I'm going to make you sit through The Completely Objective Review because I have a blast writing it even if you don't read it from start to finish.Is it time to just give the New Orleans Saints the Super Bowl...

Windermere Mayor Gary Bruhn and Florida Governor Charlie Crist will hold a press conference Wednesday to award Elin Nordegren with the state's highest honor, the medal for bravery, honor and courage, after her heroic actions to help save Tiger Woods.Woods was involved in a traffic accident Friday morning in which his car collided with a fire hydrant and tree. Jolted into action...

I've had a lot of fun writing these. Sorry for all the typos and bad English, but I hoped you enjoyed seeing the type of sports that I'm into. And don't forget, be sure to check out my new movie "Brothers" which opens Friday, Dec. 4. It stars myself, Tobey Maguire and Natalie Portman.A lot of people look forward to the Winter and Summer Olympics, and rightfully so. But since those...

Sport is about a lot of things. Speed, intelligence, strength. But only one sport focuses on the building of that strength into a beautiful, glistening, well-oiled package, and that's bodybuilding.Back when I was getting into shape for my movie Jarhead, I worked exclusively with Thad Brockstone, a former bodybuilding champion who promised to take my muscles to places they had never...

Hi, everyone. This is Jake Gyllenhaal. I came across this blog a couple months ago not long after I came across my boyfriend. LOL Kidding! I know the running joke here is that I'm gay, but I can assure you that's not true. However, I e-mailed the Stupid Sports Blog guys over the last couple months and they talked me into doing some writing here for a day.Getting our schedules synchronized...

Like Lester Burnham, I really have no interest in saving myself today. Most people aren't at work, which means my readership is probably at a good, solid seven and a half as opposed to the usual 22 or so. Why should I work hard if no one is looking? That's my motto and it explains my far-reaching success.Instead, I'm just going to give you a list of things you should...

The other day, I made a discovery. I figured out why America is so mediocre. I'm not sure how I'll tie this into sports, but I never know when I'm going after I click the New Post tab.Ever hear a kid talk about what he/she wants to be when he/she grows up? An astronaut. A baseball player. A fireman. A cop. An investment banker who specializes in small to middle market...