LATEST STORIES FROM STYLE POINTS
Big Unit Continues to Struggle; Begins Receiving Calls from Alyssa Milano
Veteran Randy Johnson gave up 7 earned runs over four innings of work in a loss against the Mets on Saturday, as he remains two wins shy of eclipsing the 300 mark for his career. The 45-year-old surefire Hall of Famer has found little success in his first season with the Giants, and his ERA [...]
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March 10, 2010
Community Service: A.C. Green, Sex Machine
This week Style Points has found itself in a bit of a legal imbroglio. While we’ve been advised by house counsel (Daaz) to not divulge details, we just want to say that we DIDN’T do it and we were MORE than 100 yards away from the schoolyard.
Anyways, as part of our plea deal we agreed to open [...]
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March 10, 2010
NBA Benchwarmer Mark Madsen Struggling To Gain Twitter Following
Thirty three year old NBA journeyman Power Forward Mark Madsen would love to share his thoughts via the newfangled social networking device Twitter. Unfortunately for the 6′9″ big man out of Stanford University, nobody wants to follow him. ‘MaddogMadsen‘ is twittering into a vacuum of despair.
“I’ve twittered my heart out but nobody seems to [...]
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March 10, 2010
Mailbag: Ron Artest Answers Your Legal Questions
Ron Artest, friend of Style Points, recently visited headquarters to answer a mailbag. Much to our surprise, he wanted to answer legal questions, not unlike his favorite AM radio program, Handel on the Law. It turns out Ron has been reading up on the law in anticipation of a post-basketball occupation now that his connections [...]
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March 10, 2010
Healthy Living with George Karl
As America remains mired in an epidemic of obesity and sedentary lifestyle, Style Points feels we have a civic obligation to tackle the problem head-on and lead a national campaign of health education and awareness. However, this seemed like far too much work, so instead we asked friend-of-the-site and current Denver Nuggets Head Coach/celestial body [...]
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March 10, 2010
Point/Counterpoint: Barack Obama and James Harrison
Recently, Steelers linebacker James Harrison made headlines by choosing not to accompany the Steelers to the White House for a visit with President Obama. To get to the bottom of this controversy, Style Points invited President Obama and Mr. Harrison for a gentlemanly debate on the topic. Here is a transcript of the [...]
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March 10, 2010
Weekly Power Poll: Wrestlers Turned Hoopsters
This week it came to light that the Pepsi Center in Denver is double booked for game 4 of the Western Conference Finals. The competing event is a WWE event. With no easy answers in sight we here at Style Points burned the midnight oil (and sensimilla) and found a compromise. We’ll find 5 old [...]
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March 10, 2010
Kevin Kolb: Frustrated
Today Eagles backup Quarterback Kevin Kolb said he’d be ‘frustrated’ if Donovan McNabb received a contract extension. Unfortunately for Kolb, journalists didn’t give enough of a **** about him to print the rest of his words. But you know what Kevin? I’m here for you. I’ll tell the world how you really feel.
Kevin Kolb would [...]
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March 10, 2010
Ask An Old Redneck Vol. 2
It’s time to check in with Festus again. Let’s see who’s needing a nice dose of anonymous advice.
Dear Mr. Bogwater,
Long time reader, first time writer. I’ve been struggling at the plate lately. My power has mysteriously disappeared. Though last night I connected for my first home run of the year. What I would like to [...]
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March 10, 2010
Style Points Poll: How Will Lane Kiffin Get in Trouble Next?
Former Al Davis whipping boy/blood jockey Lane Kiffin has already run afoul of the NCAA several times in his short time as head coach of the University of Tennessee, prompting many to wonder if the fair-haired lady-killer is in over his head. His various rules infractions so far have included unauthorized career advice, ill-advised follow-up [...]
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March 10, 2010
Tebow Removes Himself From Combine, Announces He Is Saving Himself For Draft Day
In a surprising move, former Florida Gators quarterback Tim Tebow has announced that he will be saving himself for draft day. With his shaky performance in the Senior Bowl coming under scrutiny, the internet was abuzz wondering “Who will draft Tebow?” Pictures of Tebow talking to various league executives have been going around the internet, [...]
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February 24, 2010
Kurt Vonnegut Wrote About Sports?
I initially wrote this post over a year ago for the now defunct Rookies website. Well, It’s baseball season again and I thought you might enjoy this.
Shortly after his 2007 death, it was discovered that Kurt Vonnegut had once written for Sports Illustrated.
The story goes that he was told to write about a horse [...]
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February 22, 2010
“Who Just Kissed You?” – Other Oprah “Oops” Occasions
Last Friday, Oprah had Drew Brees on her show, and made a terrible faux-pas when she asked if someone had kissed him right before the show. She was mistakenly referring to, of course, his well-known birthmark. Since then, Style Points has learned that this is, unfortunately, not the first time Oprah has made such a [...]
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February 18, 2010
Whaaaaaa?
I’m going to put it right out on front street. There’s a very good chance that this will be rambling and incoherent. In fact, I’m guaranteeing it’s going to be a confusing mess. Why? Simple. I saw something tonight that I was thoroughly convinced I’d never see. Bigfoot? No. The Loch Ness Monster? Sorry, but [...]
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February 08, 2010
How It Happened: Ed Reed Gets In Peyton Manning’s Head
You may have noticed a few weeks ago that Ed Reed had two interceptions of Peyton Manning’s passes (he immediately gave back the ball on one, and the other was called back after a penalty) during their playoff game in Indianapolis. You may have also noticed a statistic during the game about how Ed Reed [...]
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February 03, 2010
The Pro Bowl Doesn’t Suck, You Do
After all the worry and chatter last week leading up to it, the Pro Bowl happened. And it was fun. And if you are a football fan, and if you didn’t watch it, I feel sorry for you. Actually, I don’t feel sorry for you. I just think you’re retarded.
Sure, there were other programs on [...]
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February 01, 2010
Tim Tebow Responds to Joy Behar
Tim Tebow held a press conference yesterday to respond to Joy Behar’s comments about him. Luckily, our own Chris Hanson’s Axe has a cousin in the Gainesville press, who was able to get him some inside insight into the baffling meeting. Here’s the transcript.
Good afternoon. I’d like to thank you guys for coming here, and [...]
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January 28, 2010
Monday Morning Conference Championship Chatter
We here at Style Points know that you won’t be able to find any summary or analysis of the NFL’s playoffs anywhere else, so we’re here to help you, dear reader. Here’s what happened over Conference Championship weekend, as explained by our vindictive, petty, and house-divided-upon-themselves experts.
NY Jets 17, Indianapolis 30
We all knew it was [...]
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January 25, 2010
Monday Morning Divisional-Round Dish
We here at Style Points know that you won’t be able to find any summary or analysis of the NFL’s playoffs anywhere else, so we’re here to help you, dear reader. Here’s what happened over the weekend, as explained by a hungover and still-mourning-his-Eagles’-season Chris Hanson’s Axe.
Saturday’s games:
Arizona 14, New Orleans 45
Hooo boy, I love [...]
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January 18, 2010
SP Way, Way Off Topic: Domino’s New Pizza is a God-Awful Travesty
Style Points is a blog about sports humor; the following is neither. This is a heartfelt, honest, and intensely analytic look at the new Domino’s pizza. Long story short, Chris Hanson’s Axe thinks the new pizza is not very good. Short story long, as follows:
“WHAT THE ****?????”
This was my first thought as I stared at [...]
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January 15, 2010
I Bring To You The Saddest Twitter In the Universe
Long time no see, Style Points audience. I am back, whether you like it or not. And I bring with me something that will hopefully improve your self confidence. Now on a regular day I would simply do this by posting high definition shots of CHA’s beard, but no, today is special. We get to [...]
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January 14, 2010
Racial Equality and the Rooney Rule
Seattle - Seattle Seahawks chief executive Tod Leiweke was surprised and disheartened to hear the criticism that he had not adhered to the letter or the spirit of the NFL’s Rooney Rule during the hiring process for their head coaching position. Leiweke pointed to his four hour long interview with Vikings defensive coordinator Leslie Frazier [...]
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January 13, 2010
How It Happened: Brad Childress’ Son’s DWI
By now you’ve probably heard about how Brad Childress’ son, Kyle, was arrested for DWI early last Friday morning. What you might not have heard, however, is how exactly it happened. Luckily, our own Chris Hanson’s Axe knows the Childress family’s neighbors, who were able to fill him in on what exactly went down that [...]
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January 12, 2010
Monday Morning Wildcard Weekend Whatthefuck
We here at Style Points know that you won’t be able to find any summary or analysis of the NFL’s playoffs anywhere else, so we’re here to help you, dear reader. Here’s what happened, as explained by a very tormented, paranoid, and Xanax- or maybe hug-needing Chris Hanson’s Axe.
SATURDAY’S GAMES:
NY Jets 24, Cincinnati Bengals 14:
Unfortunately, [...]
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January 11, 2010
Scientific Study: Cool under Pressure Isn’t Just a Figure of Speech
Los Angeles — The NFL Playoffs are starting this weekend and with them is sure to come a barrage of poorly thought out clichéd phrases to denote a player’s seeming innate ability to perform in the clutch. Some will be labeled “cool under pressure” and a few will be said to have “ice water in [...]
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January 08, 2010
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