LATEST STORIES FROM THE FUTON REPORT
How LeBron James Should Spend His Day Off
June 01, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| 1 comment
After scoring 48 points in a 109-107 two-timing overtime win over the Detroit Pistons in Game 5, giving the Cavaliers -- er, I mean LeBron James -- a decisive 3-2 lead in the series, he should enjoy the best off-day relaxation money can buy. Just a stab in the dark, but his Friday...
Jamie Walker Names His Kid Jim Leyland
May 31, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
Baltimore Orioles relief pitcher Jamie Walker ? formerly of the Detroit Tigers, and current procurer of all things NASCAR and generic-brand beer ? became a daddy for the fourth time back on Memorial Day. Due to a coincidental clash of family names they really liked, the kid is now...
Did Getty Images Photoshop Image Of LeBron James?
May 25, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
No, I did. Because I have a sinking feeling the smoke cloud that appears behind LeBron James, after the Cavs' eerily reminiscent Game 2 loss to the Pistons, belongs somewhere else.
Monday Night: Cleveland Cavaliers 76, Philadelphia Soul 78
May 22, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
Yes, the Cavaliers wouldn't have scored enough points to beat an arena football team. The Cavs lost to the Detroit Pistons 79-76 and the Soul beat the New Orleans VooDoo 78-34. LeBron James' touchdown and field goal wasn't enough to mount a come-from-behind victory in this...
Tigers To Cardinals: Take THAT! And THAT! And THAT! And THAT! And THAT!
May 21, 2007 by
The Futon Report
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When you think about it, the Tigers convincing sweep of the Cardinals was a lot like a trashy girl showing off her stuff on "Maury" or "Springer" and taunting the ex-boyfriend who scorned her. Yes, I just called the Detroit Tigers women. I should have thought this...
Every Girl Crazy Bout A Sharp Dressed Nate
May 15, 2007 by
The Futon Report
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Detroit starter Nate Robertson may have lost to the Red Sox 7-1 last night, but what in God's earth is happening to his facial appearance? It's almost as if ... no, he's not turning into one of the dudes from ZZ Top, is he?
The South Shall Replies Again
May 08, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
Know what's more fun than writing about the NASCAR Nextel Series? Reading people comment about it! Especially when the topic involves fans at Talladega Superspeedway throwing beer cans at Jeff Gordon's car, and the author hoping that the Nextel Cup takes away one of the races...
Curtis Granderson Needs Blogging Lessons From Todd Jones
May 05, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| 2 comments
Of the three Detroit Tigers who write on the side, Todd Jones takes the cake. He writes for the Detroit Free Press and The Sporting News. Granderson blogs about what how he went shopping at Wal-Mart. If these veteran players are about taking the younger players under their wing, Jones...
If Cleveland Indians Were Homestar Runner Characters
April 27, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
Strong Bad = Victor Martinez. Dear Victor, How do you type with boxing gloves on your hands?
Roger Goodell Separated At Birth From Blonde Dude In Holiday Inn Commercials
April 25, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
This Saturday will be Roger Goodell's first major exposure to network television as he presides over the 2007 NFL Draft. Sure, he was on the air here and there when he succeeded Paul Tagliabue, but I knew I recognized Goodell prior to this year in a much more important television...
Mind Your Zs And Qs: Drafting NFL Players The Scrabble Way
April 17, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
I've taken the entire pool of NFL Draft prospects, plugged their names into a Scrabble value generator, and matched them up with this year's 255-pick draft. This is tremendous news for those with hyphenated names, double Zs, and both guys named Xavier (now top 10 picks!). It...
Let's Review Super Bowl XLI Commercials
February 05, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
Something something black head coaches Peyton won the big one wow look at Devin Hester hey look it's raining oops they fumbled it again. There. You now know what happened in Super Bowl XLI. Now onto the commercials.
In Your Face, Doubles Badminton
January 19, 2007 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
"Somehow the United States Olympic Committee hands out annual awards to U.S. Olympians, despite the little nagging truth that every other year there are no actual Olympics. Isn't that like naming an annual World Cup tournament MVP?"
I'm guessing there isn't...
Great Oden's Ravin'!
December 03, 2006 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
I cannot recall another freshman in NCAA history that was so integral to their basketball team before he played a single game. Then again, we are finally living in a world where David Stern wants all 18-year-olds to get off his lawn.
Brady Quinn to 'Win one for the Gipper?'
November 04, 2006 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
An indy filmmaker is looking to cast ND quarterback Brady Quinn as the Gipper in the Knute Rockne classic. For those that don't remember, the gipper was played by Ronald Reagan originally. As the Futon Report notes, "If we know anything about athletes, it's that they make...
One Picture To Sum Up Detroit's Joy
October 08, 2006 by
The Futon Report
| 2 comments
Check out this photo of well-prepared Jason Grilli in the dugout after today's Yankees whoopin. This sums up the celebration in Detroit for me. I've never seen anything like that for a World Series, let alone a division series!
Philly Asks Michael Irvin About His Crackpipe
October 03, 2006 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
During tonight's ESPN Monday Night Countdown, which features Michael Irvin as a talking head, Eagles fans in the background chanted, "Where's your crackpipe? (clap clap clapclapclap) Where's your crackpipe? (clap clap clapclapclap)" as Irvin talked. City of brotherly...
Dmitri Young given dpink slip
September 07, 2006 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
Despite hitting .300, the Tigers released Dmitri Young due to 'performance issues.' I'm sure there is more to this story, but this article provides the background. I would assume Young will be approached by several teams if there isn't anything else to this story. He...
Anatomy of One Helluva Yankee Stadium Comeback
August 31, 2006 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
1. Keep the came close.
2. After threatening in the 8th inning and coming up short, don't panic.
3. Put in Jason Grilli in the bottom of the inning to get the last out.
4. Have Brandon Inge work the count to earn a walk.
5. Have Curtis Granderson manhandle the count...
Making Columbus athletes proud: Example #4543
August 21, 2006 by
The Futon Report
| 4 comments
This is either the least intelligent $100 fine or the funniest. Unless you're filming re-shoots of 'Conan the Barbarian' there is no reason to punch a police horse. Why is this fine only $100? They might want to bump that up to $110-$115. It is punching an animal owned...
Let's Thank the Associated Press
August 06, 2006 by
The Futon Report
| Comments
If it weren't for them, I wouldn't know that Todd Jones only brings one pair of underpants on road trips, the ones he's wearing. Jump to your own conclusions, but the Tigers have a 6 game road trip starting on the 11th so there might be some extra, uncontrollable cup scratching...
Chris Shelton Gets Booed in AAA
August 04, 2006 by
The Futon Report
| 1 comment
Although Chris Shelton had a successful first game in AAA (2-for-4 with an RBI triple), he got booed when he made a mental mistake on the basepaths. "Running to second on a ground ball hit by Josh Phelps, Shelton eluded the tag by Louisville second baseman William Bergolla, then...
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