LATEST STORIES FROM THE OFF-COLOR COMMENTATOR
This is a Picture of a Staph Infection
January 29, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
And Kenyon Martin has one on his ass.My God.
A Note on Stadium Etiquette
January 28, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
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Last week while attending a Knicks-Clippers game at the Staples Center, I happened to take notice of a man sitting on the lower level who would break into a full-scale body gyration complete with clenched teeth/overly intense game face during every timeout. His dancing (if it could...
See You in '09, Number 7
January 28, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
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"He was my dog, yo." --Melvin "Cheese" WagstaffNot a lot of fresh or comforting insight to share on the day that Michael Vick gets sentenced to 23 months in federal prison, so we'll leave it to this clip from The Wire to pose the question that could apply to...
Your Patience is Appreciated
January 28, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Greetings friends. Please accept our sincerest apologies for the dearth of posts this week. It has been exceedingly busy around these parts, as we've been spending most of our time daydreaming about Guitar Hero and trying to figure out how to use water wings to solve the world...
Andrea Was Here
January 27, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
As an individual who recently received an email link from a friend that unexpectedly led me to a video clip of two people killing a bear and then subsequently having sex upon the carcass of that dead bear, I will warn you not to click on this video clip at work. There is no sex with...
I Hope I See None of These Lawrence Tynes-Related Headlines on Monday
January 26, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
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"Good Tynes""Great Tynes""The Best of Tynes""Let the Good Tynes Roll""The Tynes, They Are a-Changin'""Crunch Tynes""New York Tynes""Right on Tynes""Just in Tynes""In the Nick of Tynes...
Just a Sip: The Irish Pub Theory on Steroid Use
January 26, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Back in the period of time known as the 1990's, a then 17-year-old OCC went on a school-sponsored trip to Ireland. During said trip, for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, all of the students were given permission one evening to go to a pub. The only condition of our visiting this...
When You Have To Go
January 26, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
In part because I felt the need to move that gruesome staph infection photo from the top spot on the site but also because I have a legitimate issue to raise here, I would like to quickly report that 2007 Bulls draft pick Jameson Curry was recently arrested for public urination.According...
Please Take a Seat, Someone Will Be Right With You
January 26, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Friends of the blog:Apologies for the lack of new posts this week -- things have been exceedingly hectic in this quadrant of town. Please standby -- more material to come soon.Thank you and good day,The Management
Sorry to be So Short With You
January 26, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
In case you missed it, something incredible happened in the Lakers-Celtics game last night.In case you missed me, I've been on what is commonly referred to as "a vacation." We'll be back with more juvenile and/or witty commentary soon after the start of the calendar...
Unacceptable
January 26, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
In recent weeks, a topic of a non-sporting nature has been causing me considerable ass-chapping, and I feel the need to ventilate some steam with regard to this subject so that I (and we) may hopefully move on and all be better humans as a result.The thing that has angered me is the...
Dolphins Hire Tony Soprano as Head Coach
January 26, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Wait, his name is actually Tony Sparano. I read that wrong. Never mind.
I Think It Moved
January 26, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
If this doesn't get you at least a little bit fired up, I'm not sure we can be friends.
Nobody Beats the Wiz
January 25, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Even if you're not a Wizards fan, or a pro hoops fan, it may be time to start reading Dan Steinberg's D.C. Sports Blog. I have a feeling that if The OCC and Dan Steinberg were to meet, they would most likely find themselves to be kindred spirits.Case in point: Steinberg seems...
Has Anybody Seen the Stapler?
January 24, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Look, I'm sorry, okay? We're sorry.Bruce, the OCC intern -- he's sorry.Manfred, the part-time OCC janitor -- he's sorry. Look at him, he's sitting in the corner, crying.The fact is, it's been very busy around here.First of all, I'm in Japan. How do I know...
This Gamma Hydroxybutyric Acid is Delicious, But it is Filling
January 24, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
As you may have heard by now, test results have revealed that Tampa Bay receiver David Boston had GHB (a.k.a. the "date-rape drug") in his system when he was arrested last month.Having never indulged in this mind-erasing substance before (as far as we can remember), we have...
Do My (Red) Eyes Deceive Me?
January 16, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Sunday evening, I had the distinct displeasure of being on a red eye flight from Salt Lake City to New York.In addition to myself, there was another noteworthy person on the midnight flight out of Salt Lake: former NBA point guard Jay Williams.It's particularly interesting timing...
Please Pass the Vitamins
January 04, 2008 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
So I was browsing this website www.veganhealth.org today. To clarify, I'm not a vegan. In fact, I hate them passionately.But that's beside the point. I mention this particular website because I saw something interesting on one of its pages. The excerpt read:"If you have...
Spinning the Dreidel, NBA Style
December 31, 2007 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Before you proceed any further, please watch the video above. Now that you've done that, take a moment to reflect on what you've just seen â€" you may need it. Okay, let's break it down: The first noteworthy moment happens almost immediately, when the decidedly...
Josh Hamilton: The Legend of the Severed Quad
April 26, 2007 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| 2 comments
I hope I never see a picture of this. How is Hamilton still playing baseball? From the Off-Color Commentator:
Hamilton has a torn quadriceps muscle in his left leg, and when he flexes his left leg, a sizable lump surfaces above the knee. As he recently explained to the Dayton Daily...
Mozart to have his Ding-Dong Amputated
January 27, 2007 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| 5 comments
Slow day in sports when myself, The Off Color Commentator and other noteworthy journalists are covering this story. When does football start up again?
You Tell 'Em, Granny
December 19, 2006 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Here's what happens when a convertible driving yuppie douchebag meets a 97 year old woman attempting to cross the street.
Andre Ware: QB of your Houston....Co-Ed Rec League Team!
November 23, 2006 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Having just finished a season of flag football, I can't imagine how cool it would be to show up to a game only to line up against a former Heisman trophy winner. I wish I was as intrigued about most professional sports as I was by this scenario and to hear how it unfolded. Very...
Wow, You Look Terrific. Were You Recently Circumcised?
November 03, 2006 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| Comments
Either Warriors coach Don Nelson is describing how Troy Murphy looks after an offseason nosejob or he's taken the place of Ace on SNL's Ambiguously Gay Duo. There's no audio on this, but what a great quote by Nellie.
Walt Clyde Frasier, Way to F up a Marriage
October 21, 2006 by
The Off-Color Commentator
| 1 comment
Great commentary between Knicks announcers Mike Breen and Walt Frazier during a Knicks preseason game. I guess they're not in midseason form yet....well, Walt Clyde Frazier might be.
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