LATEST STORIES FROM THE SPOILER
The return of the Champions League is less than a week away!
February 14. An expensive seat at a posh venue, painstakingly but thoughtfully prepared montages and a bit of spine-chilling orchestra music to accompany the dulcet tweet of Howard Webb’s whistle. It can only mean one thing: the return of the Champions League. That’s right, the scrap for that cup with the Gary Lineker-esque ears resumes [...]
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4 days ago
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4 days ago
Discuss
Big call for armchair fans: Milan, Barcelona or Middlesbrough?
There hasn’t been a bet of the day for a while, so to repay fans of inexpert tipping worldwide, tonight’s feast of football seems like an appropriate time to offer three for the price of one, that price incidentally being nothing.
All prices listed are from bwin, and if you bung all three choices into [...]
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4 days ago
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4 days ago
Ashley Cole is the only man classy enough to succeed John Terry
If he hadn’t cheated on the apparent greatest living Briton, used hyperbole to show disgust at Arsenal’s stinginess or shot someone with a rifle, would Ashley Cole really be a 20/1 outsider with William Hill to replace John Terry as England captain? Take all the role model nonsense out of the equation – and why [...]
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
Timekeeping not the strong point of Santos president
In life there is the saying that timing is everything. Some men meet their future wives by catching a glimpse of them in another car while waiting at a red light or buy a lucky scratchcard when in a supermarket queue. In my case, timing is typically bad. I burn food on BBQs, find 2p [...]
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10 days ago
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10 days ago
Why Brighton fans are thrilled to be planning a trip to Liverpool
Gus Poyet’s Brighton masterplan involves visiting Anfield on a yearly basis. So the ardour greeting their prize of an FA Cup fifth round date at Liverpool isn’t inspired by awe at the glamour of the treat that Gaizka Mendieta helped serve up but belief that it is a sign that they are Wembley-bound. The Seagulls [...]
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14 days ago
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14 days ago
Gary Neville is going to explain the joys of playing for England to the rugby mob
Here’s a fact for you – the female figure sitting on the bench at the end of this Match.com advert is actually a ghost. Seconds before, a 28 year-old woman with dyed blonde hair and really, really, really great skin threw herself in front of a train because of the shame and embarrassment of [...]
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17 days ago
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17 days ago
Walk away Jose, Real Madrid will soon realise their loss
Football fans never cease to amaze me. I mean what more could Real Madrid supporters want? Five points clear at the top of La Liga and more goals that any club ever in the first half of a La Liga season. There must be 99 per cent of football fans who would give their right [...]
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18 days ago
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18 days ago
Goals on the menu as Cardiff look to carve Crystal Palace open
Domestic cup football is often viewed as the Steve Cotterill to the Champions League’s Brian Clough, but Whiteboard is genuinely as excited as Harry Redknapp on transfer deadline day about what this midweek has to offer. There are Carling Cup semi-finals in England, the prospect of a Pepe-free Clasico in Spain and a quite majestic [...]
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20 days ago
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20 days ago
McClaren 5/1 to follow Nottm Forest failure with Dutch title
One club’s comedy villain is another’s saviour, and so it was that months after leaving Nottingham Forest with his reputation in England severely wounded once again, Steve McClaren rocked up at FC Twente and immediately had them cooing.
The former England manager’s comeback match ended in a 5-0 thrashing of RKC Waalwijk. Making the success [...]
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20 days ago
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20 days ago
Tevez’s agent labels PSG coach Ancelotti the best in the world
To be labelled the best in the business from a field featuring Pep Guardiola, Jose Mourinho, Sir Alex Ferguson and Paul Lambert is quite the honour, and Carlo Ancelotti must be even more delighted at being awarded the title by someone so revered. Kia Joorabchian, giving the world the update it vociferously demanded to a [...]
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20 days ago
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20 days ago
Maxi Lopez and Fulham remain victims in tiresome Tevez saga
While Kia Joorabchian is being wined and dined by some of the most influential figures in football and Carlos Tevez is chilling, others have been left in limbo. It is admittedly divided and indecisive AC Milan rather than the Tevez camp who are primarily to blame for the appallingly handled situation, but Maxi Lopez and [...]
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20 days ago
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20 days ago
Mourinho loses to Barcelona, becomes subject of much ridicule
After backing Juventus to win the Champions League a few years ago then watching them flop in the group stage, Whiteboard scribbled a list on that shameful crumpled betting slip of football-related things that he would never do again, storing it in his wallet as an eternal reminder of his idiocy. First thing down was [...]
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24 days ago
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24 days ago
Tevez on his way out at last, more misery for Nottingham Forest
Nearly three weeks have passed since the transfer window swung upon with a whimper, and so far the tradition of lots of stuff being talked about and nothing actually happening has been proudly maintained. Here’s what people are getting excited about today… Tevez close to leaving Manchester City (Version 82913) The Spoiler now knows not [...]
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24 days ago
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24 days ago
Arsenal chairman: “A Champions League spot would be nice”
With Garry Cook no longer at large, it feels fair to generalise that most football club suits favour a policy of either taking out restraining orders on microphones or only stepping in front of them to deliver cautious sound bites about “improving the global visibility of the brand going forwards”. One exception to this trend, [...]
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25 days ago
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25 days ago
Guardiola’s 13th Clasico to mirror the majority of the first dozen
The Catalan press have hired a sports psychologist to label Cristiano Ronaldo allergic to Barcelona and are crowing about having spent far less than Real Madrid since Pep Guardiola Superman-ed his way into the Camp Nou dugout in 2008. Yeah, that’s right, they’ve had literally years to brag about that, yet waited until they were [...]
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26 days ago
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26 days ago
Wolves to mark the darkest day in Internet history with a win
The Wikipedia genii have thought up a shrewd way to build support in their disgust at US Congress proposals which they say will see the Internet fall to pieces faster than Portsmouth after a takeover: show the world how screwed they are with no Wikipedia to turn to for might-be-true factoids. Their 24-hour protest blackout [...]
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26 days ago
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26 days ago
Newcastle to spend £10 million, Ancelotti offered every striker
Early turbulence is a necessary evil haunting all great plans. So cool heads are being maintained here at Spoiler HQ despite being winded within an hour of stating our wish for a Premier League club to sign Dimitar Berbatov by two transfer rumour equivalents of a cricket ball in the belly… NEWCASTLE AGREE [...]
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26 days ago
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26 days ago
Calling Arsenal, Newcastle, anyone – don’t let Berbatov leave
While Sir Alex Ferguson always seems slightly sceptical no matter how many goals his record signing scores, most Manchester United fans appear to love them some Dimitar Berbatov. And what’s not to love?
Having been treated to the likes of Eric Cantona and Cristiano Ronaldo, they are perhaps the one set of British supporters trained [...]
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27 days ago
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27 days ago
Efficient QPR to simultaneously fix their home and FA Cup form
QPR have been as dire in the FA Cup since 2001 as, umm, well they have been in the Premier League over the last two months. They’ve failed to claim a single victory, the third round proving unbudgeable, to coin a term that may or may not exist, but definitely should. That FA Cup ineptitude [...]
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27 days ago
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27 days ago
Miming Manchester City boss provokes outrage at Wigan
You can usually rely on any Spoiler opinion piece to be greeted with accusations of bias. What is rarer is to read an admission of guilt right off the bat, so let’s mix things up by admitting right here, right now that Roberto Mancini is probably my favourite Premier League boss. Wow, so this is [...]
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27 days ago
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27 days ago
Did Alex McLeish really write this?
Sitting on a train into Spoiler Towers last week, my light sleeping was distracted by a beeping of my phone. But it wasn’t a message from the girlfriend saying I left my lunch in the fridge or a mate calling off our planned night of FIFA 12, it was from Alex McLeish. First I thought [...]
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27 days ago
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27 days ago
Redknapp: “Tottenham for the title, who gave you that idea?”
When it comes to pinpointing Harry Redknapp inconsistencies, very little needs to be said. It’s often best to just let him dig the hole and sit back and admire his work… Prior to the 1-1 draw at home to Wolves: “If you’d told me six months ago that my Spurs side would be right in [...]
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27 days ago
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27 days ago
Five reasons to love Blackburn fans’ vitriol sponge Steve Kean
What was your highlight of the weekend? The epic at the Liberty Stadium? Millwall shipping six at the Den? Barcelona finally conceding at home? For Whiteboard, it was Blackburn escaping the relegation zone, on account of a growing infatuation for Steve Kean. Why? Let’s have a look…
Optimism The difference between confidence and delusion – [...]
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27 days ago
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27 days ago
Is Preston a sideways step or big leap for Stevenage’s saviour?
If you’re going to make it all the way from the Isthmian League to the Premier League as a manager, chances are you’ll have to take the odd gamble, and it appears that Stevenage boss Graham Westley is about to go all-in with a risky hand. The man who has not only led an unfashionable [...]
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January 13, 2012
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January 13, 2012
Behold the Spoiler, for it has risen anew!
A friend of The Spoiler’s once found Lemmy fast asleep in a west London phone box. As he was acquainted with the warty bassist and quiz machine enthusiast, he took him to his nearby flat, where Lemmy conked out on his sofa. For three days. Apparently he’d been on a speed-fuelled mega-session and hadn’t slept [...]
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January 12, 2012
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January 12, 2012
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