Pain in the Back

That sounds pretty serious. Have you ever considered giving up competition? Or is the fire still too great?

Yes. I have thought a lot about retiring. Frankly, I'm certain most people would see the writing on the wall and just hang it up. I've definetely tried just about everything. There is a rational part of me that says that is probably what I need to do. However, I just can't seem to let it go.

I realize I should be grateful for all the things I have been able to do and accomplish (and believe me I am grateful). I just feel like I sacrificed so much for so long. I've paid my dues. I want to pop the performances that I know I am capable of. In the continuum of facing reality, there is a part of me that is coming to terms with the potential for life without competition. I'm starting to think that it would be amazing just to wake up without pain. In other words, if I had to make a deal with the devil, I almost am ready to trade racing for no more pain. What's holding me back?

One of the biggest challenges is tied to self-image. Probably like a lot of endurance athletes, I like being fit. I have an immense fear of not being in shape. I think I could trade the competition if I could just train enough (and maybe participate in races) and stay fit. I say all this though, and am just back from a long training ride. I spent a lot of time thinking about the potential I'of getting into good enough shape - with the pain - and still salvage part of the 2008 race season.
So...the fire is definetely burning bright.

I'm a terrible athlete but I've suffered from chronic tendonitis for years. I couldn't even imagine what you're going through, though. But I empathize. There's nothing worse than not being able to do what you love because you're in pain. Chronic pain is the worst. Fortunately I usually respond to cortisone. At least in the shoulders. My doctor wouldn't shoot it in my knee. Said it was too risky. All the best. Stay healthy.

Eeek. Sorry to hear about your shoulder and knees. In the end, I guess we both have to focus on what we CAN do, right?