With the news that Tim Couch will be attempting a comeback, it brought to mind a story of epic proportions. It combines two huge NFL busts, two Playmates of the Year and someone getting banned from the Playboy Mansion. Thats a triangle you'll probably never see again.

A Los Angeles Times report says Cade was a frequent visitor to the Playboy Mansion, where he managed to do the ultimate by stealing Hugh Hefner's girlfriend, Brande Roderick, who was 1999's Miss April. Hef was so angry that he permanently banned McNown from the Mansion. That relationship didn't last long. Brande vacationed with McNown in Mexico, and now she's now doing "Baywatch" in Hawaii.

Being banned from the Mansion wasn't enough to stop our celibate stud. Cleveland QB Tim Couch was dating Playmate of the Year Heather Kozar when he made a big mistake by introducing her to McNown. According to Sports Illustrated, McNown began the kind of all-out blitz he can't handle as a QB -- phoning constantly, sending lots of flowers, even sending his Porsche to her. It worked, as Kozar dumped Couch and moved to Chicago to live with McNown. Cade still claims to be a devout Christian who doesn't even read Playboy magazine. "I've never even seen her layout," he says.

To top it all off, according to Couch's wikipedia, he wound getting back with Kozar and they ended up tying the knot in 2005 and had a kid six months later.

Chris Simms -- Maried - Outsports Discussion Board

Tim Couch To Give It another Try - WYMT

Tim Couch - Wikipedia

First off, I already made a short post about this on our blog, Nyjer Please. But this post is going to be longer due to the larger audience that Epic Carnival has.

Exactly a month ago to this day, our very own Epic Carnival writer and creator of Nyjer Please, Luke Halpert made an "outlandish post" about a racial divide in the Mets clubhouse and said that Julio Franco was the ring leader. No pun intended. Luke's exact words were these:

Secondly, Julio Franco, who recently celebrated his 89th birthday, is becoming a "clubhouse cancer". Since the losing streak, my source told me that Franco has become the ringleader of a "racial divide" in the clubhouse between the Latinos and non-Latinos. While it isn't a straight divide, it was painfully obvious there was something going on during last night's debacle at Yankee Stadium, where the Latinos were sitting in the dugout while the non-Latinos were on the dugout railing the entire game.

Once these words hit the blogosphere, s*** hit the fan. Over at Metsblog, Matt Cerrone called out Halpert saying that his post was 100% false and the post was all a big lie because he is still in high school. He can also "only assume [Halpert] dropped my site's name so to make an attempt at adding credibility to his post".

The Comments section at Metsblog was also furious at the post and here's what one Met fan had to say:

Hey luke stop masterb***** while looking at yourself wearing your yankee gear in the mirror and stick to things you know about like zit creme. Perhaps if you kiss Steinbrenners a** well enough he will hook you up with a female yankee chearleader. I heard Susan Waldman is available. 16 year old with a source in the Mets clubhouse hahahahhahahahahahah

As you can see, he was bashed pretty bad by some pretty ignorant fans. Some other blogs picked up the story such as Deadspin, The Big Lead, and The Fanhouse and all of a sudden, the post had 10,000 hits. A lot of smaller blogs picked it up too such as The Feed and The Uwe Blog . The guys over at NJ.com had this to say:

Deadspin linked to a very-likely-fabricated blog post that claims Julio Franco is the "ringleader" in "a racial divide" in the Mets clubhouse. If Franco was the ringleader of a movement to take naps after batting practice, or to have rocking chairs installed in the clubhouse, I'd maybe believe it. This...not so much.

Luke Halpert and myself also used to write for a blog called "Hotfoot". It was a Mets blog run by Anthony De Rosa, and right after the incident, we were both fired.

So now that we have that out of the way, last week Julio Franco was designated for assignment by the Mets. That's pretty much a nice word for being cut. Anyway, when Willie Randolph was asked about Franco, Willie said, "that clubhouse stuff is overrated" and Jose Valentin told reporters that Franco was less than eager to participate in the team's pre-game stretching routine. Some of the team's younger guys didn't appreciate Franco giving them advice when he sucked in his own right. To me, that sounds like a Clubhouse Cancer and a guy that didn't get along with most of his team.

We're not even asking for an apology, just for our names to be cleared and to not be known as the "Blog that made up those Franco stories". If Cerrone, the Metsblog commentors and or any other blogger does want to apologize though, that's O.K too.

According to Yahoo! Sports, Falcons Quarterback Mike Vick will soon be the latest casualty of the NFL's new conduct policy due to his recent indictment on dog fighting charges in Surrey County, Virginia.

Vick is expected to be suspended by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell after news broke Tuesday evening that Vick was indicted by federal authorities in connection with dog fighting in Virginia. The indictment followed a three-month investigation.

While Goodell was not reached for comment, two sources said the commissioner has been monitoring the Vick case since April, when investigators initially found evidence of dog fighting at a home Vick owned in Smithfield.

"Where (Vick) is in the most trouble is that he lied to the commissioner," a league source said. "He told (Goodell) in April that he didn't know anything about this. The commissioner gave (Vick) every chance to come clean, be straight about what was going on. Instead, he just kept denying it."

The NFL released a statement that both cautioned in not prejudging the case and said Vick would be evaluated under the league's personal conduct policy.

"We are disappointed that Michael Vick has put himself in a position where a federal grand jury has returned an indictment against him," the NFL statement read. "We will continue to closely monitor developments in this case, and to cooperate with law enforcement authorities. The activities alleged are cruel, degrading and illegal. Michael Vick's guilt has not yet been proven, and we believe that all concerned should allow the legal process to determine the facts. The matter will be reviewed under the League's Personal Conduct Policy."

As a Falcons fan, I'm starting to not like that Matt Schaub trade anymore. At the time it was unbelievable, but after this we are stuck with Joey "Bleepin'" Harrington. Whoopdief*ckindo!

While everyone is getting ready for the mid-Summer classic and looking forward to watching the "best of the best" square off on a national stage, I have decided to put together a team of players that were supposed to be the "best of the best" but have ended up being ... disappointments!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the....

2007 MLB All Disappointment Team

C- Brian McCann (ATL)- I know what you're thinking. How can McCann be such a big disappointment if he was selected to the All Star team? Well, Brian McCann is supposed to be the best offensive catcher in the NL and a significant piece of the Braves offense. If Mr. McCann stepped up in the first half of the season, the Braves would be in first place, instead of trailing a struggling NY Mets.

McCann's stats: .259 Avg, 8 HR, 45 RBI

1B- Carlos Delgado (NYM)- Here's the good news. Delgado is on pace to hit 26 HR's and drive in 92 RBI's. But if you have watched the Mets this year, then you know he has been awful. The Mets have been struggling for the last month and would probably be trailing in any other division but the NL East. The reason for their slumping is the offense. With Moises Alou injured, Delgado needed to step up and help guys like Reyes, Beltran and Wright carry the offense but he did the opposite and has been killing the team.

Delgado's stats: .232 Avg, 13 HR, 46 RBI

2B- Tadahito Iguchi (CWS)- You can pick every White Sox hitter and add them to this list. But before the season started, if you had to name the top 5 second basemen in the Majors, most likely "Gooch" would be on the list. Mid-way through the year, he isn't even one of the top 10 second basemen. Iguchi has played a huge part in disappointing the great fans in Chicago. Therefore, Tadahito Iguchi is a significant disappointment. Try saying that three times, quickly.

Iguchi's stats: .245 Avg, 4 HR, 20 RBI

3B- Eric Chavez (OAK)- The A's have made themselves playoff contenders with their great pitching, once again. However, the offense has been horrible and Chavez is a major contributor to that. The A's do NOT like to sign their stars to long term contracts. (see: Jason Giambi, Miguel Tejeda, Tim Hudson, Mark Mulder, Barry Zito) However they chose to sign Chavez and make him the face of the franchise. This year, he has not delivered. I would say he has been the second biggest disappointment in the MLB.

Chavez's stats: .249 Avg, 12 HR, 42 RBI

SS- Julio Lugo (BOS)- Lugo led off for the Red Sox in April and May. The Red Sox had the best record in that time. They did this all, despite Lugo. Julio's stats are some of the very worst in recent memory. No explanation is really needed.

Lugo's stats: .192 Avg, 4 HR, 36 RBI

OF- Andruw Jones (ATL)- Easily the biggest disappointment of the first half. Jones is having the worst walk year for an All star caliber player. Andruw Jones has been putrid. It is sort of comical that Jones stated that he would not play for a team who plays in a city with a cool climate. He came off cocky, expecting that every team would be on their hands and knees begging him to sign with them. I guess he can cancel those plans. These stats are even hard to look at.

Jones stats: .201 Avg, 14 HR, 48 RBI

OF- Jermaine Dye (CWS)- Last year, Dye gave fantasy baseball owners something I like to call "nerd orgasms". This year... not so much. He has been horrible in every way. The White Sox will try to deal him to a contender but can't get top quality prospects for "this" Jermaine Dye. So Dye has now screwed the White Sox both ways.

Dye's stats: .219 Avg, 11 HR, 35 RBI

OF- Bobby Abreu (NYY)- The Yankees have been abysmal this year and the main reason is the offense. You can pick Johnny Damon, Hideki Matsui and Robinson Cano to make this list but Abreu has been the worst. When Abreu produces, the Yankees win. When he doesn't, they lose. It's as simple as that. Look at their record.

Abreu's stats: .260 Avg, 5 HR, 39 RBI

SP- Kevin Milwood (TEX)- He was supposed to be the ace for the Rangers. Look at his stats.

Milwood's stats: 6.54 ERA, 1.71 WHIP, 7 losses

SP- Tom Glavine (NYM)- Same as Milwood. But Glavine's age is catching up to him, so he has a semi-excuse. Some may say that Glavine is over-excited looking to inch closer for his 300th win.

Glavine's stats: 4.40 ERA, 1.41 WHIP, 6 losses

SP- Scott Kazmir (TB)- Kazmir is supposed to be one of the best young pitchers in the MLB. But every year, it is the same thing. Mediocre numbers. The kid has good "stuff" but maybe he needs a change of scenery to reach his potential. He has not been bad but needs to take the next step and become a great pitcher.

Kazmir's stats: 4.28 ERA, 1.56 WHIP, 5 losses

SP- Jose Contreras (CWS)- He used to stink. Then he had some good years in Chicago. Now he stinks again.

Jose Contreras stinks. Enough said.

Contreras's stats: 5.20 ERA, 1.50 WHIP, 10 losses

RP- Chris Ray (BAL)- Was once looked at as one of the top young closers in the game. This first half of the year has been utter trash for Ray. His stats are horrible.

Ray's stats: 5.20 ERA, 1.27 WHIP, 4 Blown Saves

RP- Todd Jones (DET)- Bullpen has been the biggest weakness for the defending AL Champs. And it all starts with closer Todd Jones. He has plays as well as his handlebar mustache looks.

Jones' stats: 5.67 ERA, 1.56 WHIP, 4 Blown Saves

Manager: Charlie Manuel (PHI)- No explanation needed. He is just a god awful manager.

So I'm just about to go to bed and I'm checking my MySpace to check the Joey from Yonkers blog and the little box said I had an event invitation. What I came upon was an initiation to a party called, I kid you not, the "Special NFL Celebrity Super Extravaganza Back To Camp Party" which will be co-hosted by Falcons draft pick Chris Houston and the 49ers Tarell Brown. Some "Invited VIP guests" consist of 2006 1st overall pick Mario Williams, the Raiders Michael Huff, Rocky Bernard of the Seahawks and Alex Barron of the Rams.

The best part of the whole thing, which takes place on July 14th at Ringers Sports Lounge in Austin, Texas, is that the flier for the party guarantees a "Let It Rain Power Hour" where "cash will be falling from everywhere". I'm sure Roger Goodell is doing cartwheels over this right now.

Somewhere in the world, Pacman Jones is blowing his conch shell, reassembling his posse and will soon embark on a journey to Austin.

What in the world is Victorino thinking there? I know it would have gotten the Phillies out of a jam, but it was very unlikely he was going to get that ball. Sure was entertaining enough though.

Little bit of news today for the two people who read this place. One of our new bloggers, Chris Lovdahl, plans on live blogging the Nathan's Hot Dog Contest tomorrow. Some of you may know Chris as the creator of our mother site, The Sports Lodge, which has one of the better online communities on the net. So look for that tomorrow.

2007 Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie Who is going to play Nyjer? - Mondesi's House

My Fantasy Team is a mess. Ian Kinsler will be out 2-6 weeks. - Rangers.com

In one of the biggest wastes of money in league history, the Magic give Rashard Lewis a max contract. - Fanhouse

Derek Fisher leaves the Jazz to tend to his ailing daughter. - Salt Lake Tribune

Fan arrested for literally leaving Great American Ballpark with his seat. - Cincinnati Enquirer

Anti-rape condom released in South Africa that will clamp down with 25(!!!) razor-sharp teeth if penetrated. - Just A Girl In Short Shorts Talking About Whatever

Place your bets on how many NFL players will be arrested this holiday weekend. - Pacman Jonesin'

Shannon Sharpe has apparently released a sex tape. He apparently has become good friends with the buffet line this off-season. - 12 Seahawks Street (NSFWish)

Has Kobayashi lost it? - Yardbarker

Chris Benoit's doctor was arrested yeserday. - Newsday

The big behemoth that is ESPN seems intent on gobbling up broadcast rights and crushing all in its path as it sticks its brand name on everything, from ESPN: The Magazine to ESPN Zone restaurants to ESPN Brand Feminine Hygiene Products.

But, it usually manages to stick to sports, when it isn't running its self-congratulatory twaddle.

But I'm noticing more and more that non-sports programming is creeping onto the BigBehemoth.

For starters, there is this bizarre love affair with televised poker.

Frankly, I don't get it. It can be a blast to play, but as a broadcast, it's a snooze.

Great, one degenerate gambler has a 75 percent chance of winning this hand. Did he? Oh, no. There was a "turn on the river" that resulted in a "beating of the bishop" or perhaps a "flogging of the dolphin" (I don't claim to be an expert on poker euphemisms and terminology.

But, bizarrely, it seems to draw ratings. So, we get a steady diet of it, especially on the side networks.

Now, the BigBehemoth has taken sports time away to give airtime to reports on competitive eater/freak of nature without a gag reflex Takeru Kobayashi, who has Severe Jaw Discomfort.

Memo to ESPN: Jamming processed hog parts into your face as quickly as possible does not make it a sport.

So, the world (or at least the dozens who care about this) wait and wonder. Is Kobayashi that hurt or will he pull off a miraculous effort to defeat his challenger and new arch-nemesis Joey Chestnut? Will he be forced to enter a milkshake sucking contest instead. Will be he forced to undergo the competitive eater's version of Tommy John surgery, the Jenna Jameson. Time will tell and the BigBehemoth will surely milk the drama for all its worth on the 4th.

Side point, you know, it's got to burn Gary Bettman a little bit that he can't get hockey on ESPN, but that same family of networks will carry poker, competitive eating and the Spelling Bee.

And, since the BigBehemoth is often all about referencing itself, we can look forward to more sports news time being taken up by the non-news known as Who's Now.

This is the sort of stuff that can be debated on "PTI" or "Around the Horn", but wasting actual sports news time for a mock competition on "Who's the Biggest Sports Star?". Please.

The only saving grace to this is the hope that it will spare us from the nightly "How Far Back Are The Yankees in the Standings' segment....which also gets more airtime than hockey.

That "dance" is up there with the Ray Lewis pre-game specialty as the worst dance in sports history. Anyway, I hope he has a solid career in Chicago, but he has to be one of the worst players ever selected in the top 10 skill wise... He could barely hit a jump shot from anywhere outside of the paint... For those of you who still, somehow have not managed to see Noah's draft day hair style, look no further...

If you remember in Friday's Happenings and Mishappenings post, I asked if anyone else heard Fran Fraschilla said the following about Yi Jianlian:

"He is Hip-Hop. He is 50 Cent."

Well, it turns out I wasn't hallucinating. Fraschilla said it and I have video evidence to prove it at the 3:45 mark (with bonus video of Yi's gem of an interview with Stewart "Lazy Eye" Scott at the 1 minute mark):

The interview with Yi went something like this:

Lazy Eye: Yi, why do you think you are ready for the NBA?

Yi: I dink umm i play fo do weta for a and i play dalympics uhhh i play for nba.

Lazy Eye: What's your favorite thing about America?

Yi: uuhhhhhzzz LA LA da peoplzz and da fotraker.

Welcome to America, Yi.

With one roster spot remaining on both the NL and AL All-star rosters, the fans get to vote. The nominees for the AL are Jeremy Bonderman, Kelvim Escobar, Roy Halladay, Pat Neshek and Hideki Okajima. For the NL, the nominees are Tom Gorzelanny, Roy Oswalt, Brandon Webb, Chris Young and Carlos Zambrano. To vote, follow this link...

My votes went to Jeremy Bonderman of the Tigers and Chris Young of the Padres...

The pictured athlete right there is Andrew Bogut, former number 1 overall pick by the Milwaukee Bucks. A few weeks ago, he made some comments about the NBA lifestyle to a newspaper in his native Australia:

"The public's image of NBA players is true. ... A lot of them get caught up in the hype and do video clips with rappers and all that crap. They want bling bling all over themselves and drive fast cars. ...

"There are guys who drop a hundred grand for a chain. The public's got it right - a lot of NBA stars are arrogant and like to spend lots of money and have lots of girlfriends and all that," he continued. " ... About 80 percent of them go broke by the time they retire or come close to it. ...

Today's video of the day comes form last year's Little League World Series. Right after the championship game, Erin Andrews was interviewing the winning team and one of the kids gets quite emotional. Eric Karros found this quite funny apparently.

John Maine

9-4 2.74 ERA 1.15 WHIP

John Smoltz

9-4 2.98 ERA 1.22 WHIP

John Smoltz has been there and has been around the game a very long time but it should be based on this year alone. Maine's numbers are clearly better, put the kid in the game over yesterday's news and take a look at the standings. Maine is a huge reason why the Mets are on top of the Braves.

The rosters for the 2007 MLB All-Star game were announced today and in recognizing that, I compiled an NL and AL roster for an "all-time All-Star game". This one doesn't count because Bud Selig made a dumb rule.

Of course, feel free to add on any players I forgot or just left off.

Stadium: Ebbets Field

American League:

Manager: Connie Mack, A's

C: Yogi Berra, Yankees

1B: Lou Gehrig, Yankees

2B: Rod Carew, Twins

3B: George Brett, Royals

SS: Cal Ripken, Orioles

OF: Mickey Mantle, Yankees

OF: Ted Williams, Red Sox

OF: Babe Ruth, Yankees

Kobe Bryant is in the news (again) demanding a trade (again).

He's on the short list of best players in the league and he hasn't been given the best supporting cast,

but, frankly, I'd rather not hear from him again until (A) he gets traded or (B) the 2007-2008 season starts.

What follows is what his posting on his Website might look like if the notes were included...