The Pittsburgh Steelers signed veteran quarterback Byron Leftwich yesterday, choosing the former Jacksonville Jaguars starter over Daunte Culpepper, a three-time Pro Bowl player...

"I don't know what you're talking about, um, no comment," responded Carmelo Anthony when asked about the "incident" last night at the Taku Club in Beijing...

What started off as a simple preseason camp has turned into a reign of terror not seen since the 1992 Pat's Steak Massacre where Vai Sikahema went apeshit and murdered three Pat's Steaks employees with his trademark goalpost punch. The last thing people heard that night was "Bouillabaisse!" which has confounded detectives to this day.

Newly acquired left fielder Jason Bay has been quickly adapting to the rough environment of Boston sports. Speaking on WEEI with Dennis & Callahan, Bay described how he has been able to succeed in Boston so quickly. "Well, I've been taking classes at Bunker Hill Community College and one of my professors has been a real asset to understanding the Boston sports scene." And what were Bay's thoughts on being traded for Manny Ramirez, one of the greatest hitters in the history of baseball? "That's a good question and it's something I'm coming to terms with, " Bay said. "My professor from Bunker Hill keeps telling me 'It's not my fault' and I'm slowly beginning to believe that. It's not my fault."

Soon to be journeyman, Brady Quinn, the Cleveland Brown's backup quarterback, is starting to employ new strategies for getting attention in Cleveland. "I'm a player" says Quinn. "I give 110% no matter what I'm doing." Asked whether or not Quinn would stop his peculiar self-marketing antics if he became the Browns starter, Quinn replied after finishing his EAS Myoplex high protein energy drink, "Now I'm done."

Ben Roethlisberger completed seven-of-seven straight passes in camp yesterday, but then yanked his groin after getting tangled in Troy Polamalu's hair. The team trainer said it's "not bad" and that Ben is currently scheduled to receive treatment from some random Hawaiian hot chick.

Area Steelers fan, Rick Simpson, can't put his finger on it, but he thinks there may be something wrong with the Troy Polamalu wall poster he purchased from Fathead. "I don't know", says Simpson, a construction contractor from Pittsburgh. "Maybe it's the vase in front of Troy, but there's definitely something strange about it." Simpson's wife couldn't be reached for comment.

Just when you thought JoPa had no more juice left in the tank at the ripe old age of--7, he gets all uppity and starts cutting people from the team. Nobody knows, but everyone assumes his and the teams actions recently have been due to an "Outside the Lines" special on ESPN which was detailing how Penn State players were now acting like all football players from the state of Florida. Um, so? The latest victims are defensive tackles Chris Baker and Phil Taylor. Happy Valley ain't so happy these days.

The Philadelphia Eagles will be running circles around defensive lines this season with their own version of a 3-headed monster. Brian Westbrook, Lorenzo Booker, and Corell Buckhalter will offer up a variety of running styles set tp keep defenses on their tows.....and most likely on their backs. Obviously, Westbrook will lead the charge, but Booker has already pushed Buckhalter to number 3 on the head chart. Plus, quietly speaking, we all know Westbrook's chances of finishing a season completely healthy...I think Booker may be the biggest head on this beast. Stay tuned!

E-A-G-L-E-S...EAGLES!