Roger_Dorn's Yard: It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do dive for it?

 
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Member Since:
May 02, 2006
Favorite Team:
Cleveland Indians
Parents:
Jim Rome and Flavor of Love's 'New York'
 

 
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Coffee is for Closers!    

Rafael Betancourt. Terrible closer? Check. Joe Borowski. Deserving of coffee? Nope. If this were a life and death situation, I'd suggest calling in the Wolf. As is, Alec Baldwin of Glengarry Glen Ross fame should be enough to fire up the tribe. Wouldn't it be great if professional sports teams called in ballbusters like this to get the team's attention?
Categories (2): Backyard, Videos
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Giambi Wears Thongs, I Puke in My Mouth  

Jason Giambi has resorted to wearing thongs in an attempt to break out of his slump. I wear thongs when I....well, I never wear thongs. Then again, I'm a lifetime .313 hitter. Giambi must be a confident dude to let this story out of the bag 1) at all and 2) when his average is still hovering around .200.
Categories (3): MLB, Jason Giambi, New York Yankees
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Brad Ausomeness  

I challenge all yardbarkers and sports blogosphere officianados to find a better Brad Ausmus gaining 2nd Base eligibility in fantasy leagues movie montage anywhere! Gross. Who greenlights these things?

Categories (4): MLB, Brad Ausmus, Houston Astros, Videos
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Ken O'Brien is no Flash Gordon    

In honor of the New York Jets potentially bungling yet another draft, the Ken O'Brien fans over at Tiricosuave put together this What If video. Evidently, O'Brien isn't any better at saving the world than he was a quarterback.

Categories (2): NFL, Videos
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Brandon Marshall injured after vicious hit from McDonald's wrapper  

Broncos WR Brandon Marshall fell through a TV entertainment center on Saturday after slipping on an empty McDonald's wrapper. He needed numerous stitches and will be in a cast for the next two weeks.

At least Marshall had a sense of humor about his near Final Destination type injury.
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Cuba Gooding Jr. ruins Jeff George workout  

Evidently, it's not just Michael Jordan that Cuba Gooding Jr. has been harassing with his nonsensical underwear tirades. He all but ended Jeff George's comeback with this stunt.

Categories (1): Backyard
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Kaz Matsui Has Roid Rage  

I think John Smoltz injuring himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing is less embarrassing than Kaz Matsui having to report this. Hemorrhoids! For once, I'm with Bill Belichick. Let's just list everyone on the injury report as "Probable" and move on.
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Terry Bradshaw to Matthew McConaughey, "What about Sex?"  

Like the rest of the 18-35 year old male population, I have never seen the movie Failure to Launch. The mere thought of Terry Bradshaw and Kathy Bates swapping spit on the silver screen is enough to make me gag, but this new preview of the film has potential. Wait, what? Well, at least it eliminated the Kathy Bates problem.

Categories (1): Backyard
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Dwyane Wade Throws NBA Skills Competition  

It's been ten days since Dwyane Wade's legendarily poor showing at the NBA Skills Competition and I still can't make sense of what happened on that fateful night in New Orleans. Good thing the boys over at TiricoSuave asked legendary Western U coach Pete Bell to take a closer look at the tapes.

Categories (4): NBA, Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat, NBA Other
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Colt Brennan, Franchise Jackass  

If you're Colt Brennan and the last thing scouts remember was your god awful performance in a BCS Bowl game, make sure the first thing NFL execs notice isn't the fact that you're a complete "jackass."
Categories (3): NFL, Rumors, Rookies
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Here's to Hoping Miggy Doesn't Go Balls Out in Detroit  

I was reading the Baseball America 2001 Prospect Handbook the other night and discovered this sweet little gem on Detroit's newly acquired 3B, Miguel Cabrera.

"A false rumor that he contracted elephantiasis was spread in Venezuela by a jilted scout, though the truth is slowly making its way through the country."

Anyone who's taken a heterosexual glance at Miggy's nether region, in the name of scouting or fantasy excellence, understand that there's nothing to this. But Damn! Jilted is the understatement of the century. In case you're wondering, Elephentiasis is a disease that turns a man's meatballs into Alyssa Milano sized melons. Unlike the latter, it's not something drooled over and coveted by major league ballplayers.
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Lance Briggs: Open-Pants Policy Toward Paternity  

Thank you Brittani Tribett, disgruntled mother of three month old Lance Jr. #261, for that fantastic headline. Personally, I prefer condoms to good intentions when trying to not get college girls pregnant, but that's one of many reasons why I'm not a linebacker in the NFL. There are plenty of quotable gems from this case. Here's another.

"Mirabelli said despite Briggs' $7.5 million annual salary, he's provided an average of about $250 a week over the last six months, or "maybe the cost of a tire on his Lamborghini."
Categories (3): NFL, Lance Briggs, Chicago Bears
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Snakes on a Plane Starring Christopher Walken  

I could do without the Benny Hill soundtrack, but the impersonations aren't bad. Walken would have been a solid addition to the cast. No doubt about it.
Categories (2): Backyard, Videos
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Shoulda Worn the Black Pants  

I wish this photo of me hadn't pooped up on the internet, but what can you do. Accidents crappen.
Categories (1): Backyard
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Troy Percival...Seriously?

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays are close to signing the former Angels closer to a multi-year deal and rumor has it that he could take over 9th inning duties for his new squad. I know he pitched last year and pitched well, but for the last half decade or so he's been the guy that gets called out at auction fantasy drafts only to have someone say "isn't he hurt?" and then get thrown back into the draft pool because an outdated magazine says he retired due to arm problems. Just my experience.

What do I know. Then again, I'm good fantasy sports and Devil Rays organization sucks at baseball.
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