This series is dedicated to the most exciting, exhilirating, electrifying and talented college basketball player of all-time (save David Thompson, Bryce Drew and a host of others)..... Stephen Curry.  Said athlete laces 'em up tonight for the first time on national television.  Recaps from games one and two after the jump. Mr. Curry is averaging 31 points, 9.5 assists and 6.5 steals thus far.  Yea, they've played Guilford and James Madison.  So what!  He'll do the same tonight.  Prediction:  27 points, 5 rebounds, 5 assists and 4 steals.  By the way, the "White Lobster" is averaging 11.5 points and shooting 46.7% from three (same as Mr. Curry--slow start).

Season Predictions:

Mr. Curry:

28 points, 4 rebounds, 6.5 assists, 2.5 steals and 75% from three.

White Lobster:

10 points, 0.4 rebounds, 0.9 assists, 0.7 steals and 68% from three.

Tune in tonight, Frumpsters!  ESPN @ 9:30 ET.  Better get your game right, Blake Griffin, or it's gonna be a RAINDANCE!

Donk Spotter

 

(Author's note: That is not my actual grandmother nor were any grandmothers harmed during the making of this post)

I think my favorite part about the video after the jump is that it takes me back to the days where my family would come home from church and my grandmother would gather us around the piano. We would all share doughnuts and Tang while singing the classic hymns by Biggie, Tupac and Mobb Deep. Man, we had the best of times.

You'll want to check out the video after the jump because, after all, what's cooler than being cool??

ICE COLD!! (Does anyone else think they need to keep practicing "Hey ya!"??? That "shake it" section was WIZEAK!)

Nooo, not that type of cougar, the more rabid, predatory of the two. As if being an All-Star Major League Third Baseman in one of the world's most desirable cities wasn't enough, David Wright also just happened to be blessed with a face only the straightest of males, and the butchiest of lesbians, couldn't love. For all other persuasions, Mr. Wright adds a whole new meaning to the term "Hot Corner", or so I hear, but that blessing may have become a bit of a curse as of late.

Apparently the Mets slugger was forced to defuse a small riot at his annual "Do the Wright Thing" fundraiser (nice one, David) at the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square the other night. According to reports, Wright watched in shock as he was "mobbed by a swarm of trashy-looking cougars." "Middle-age women with bad 80's hair were practically pushing down little kids who were trying to get baseballs signed".

To add to the hysteria, and the hilarity, Wrignt supposedly could be overheard pleading, "Ladies, calm down! Please, relax." Just another day in the life of David Wright. Link to the New York Post blurb after the jump, as well as some select cuts of all time classic Cougs.

It's okay, she settled her pending, 7 year-old claim against the city for $275,000.  Seriously.  I saw it on Fox News, so it's got to be true.  I'm gonna ask you to make the jump for the video of this, also courtesy of my favorite e-supermarket tabloid, because, well, we ...

Luckily for the before-pictured bald bombshell, there is apparently another lady in our great nation named Spears, whose IQ rivals that of your garden-variety candied yam... http://www.katu.com/news/34292654.html

Apparently, this woman lives under a huge sound-proof rock. 

Ti... ...

How many times has this happened to you?  You're having a wonderful *hands free* conversation and your bluetooth falls out of your ear and breaks on the ground!!  Worse yet, what if you go somewhere that doesn't allow the type of communication with others that slyly looks like ...

Captions and conspiracy theories welcome in the comments!!

So President Bush met with a college's track team on Wednesday to congratulate them on their national championship.  Dear Lord, I hope they just completed a three-peat!  The only way this picture would make sense AT ALL ...

We all remember the 1985 Chicago Bears and their Grammy nominated(look it up) "hit", "The Super Bowl Shuffle". In fact, you may actually remember the parody on SNL moreso. If you're like me, when you first saw the shuffle your thought process would've been something along the lines of "Holy crap, those dudes look ridiculous and I would rather be caught holding the lighter in the next Amy Winehouse crack video than look that absurd on film".

Well, apparently the other squads in the NFL didn't take the hint and wanted to leave their truly unforgettable mark on the world of "music videos". Here is just a sample of the visual and auditory torture the NFL inflicted on us in the 80's and the early 90's. Watch below at your own risk as the Miami Dolphins perform their hearts out in "Can't Touch Us"...presented commercial free by Zubaz. Also, check out a collection of the worst raps perpetrated by the NFL after the jump!

So I was in court the other day, on the good side, and one of my colleagues, who happens to be a Mizzou fan, dropped an insane stat bombshell on me: Missouri's offense, through its first five games of the 2008 College Football season, has yet to go 3 and out.

Now, obviously, I found that claim to be a bit suspect. Just sounds a bit too implausible to swallow without at least a couple grains of salt. I didn't let on, of course, "wow, that's kinda crazy", and I had no basis to object, so I decided to investigate matters for myself before passing judgment.

Well, I examined the drive summaries for Missouri's games, and was shocked to find that this claim is, as a matter of fact, true...if you allow for one, minor, caveat. Remarkably, there have been no 3 and outs for Chase Daniel and the Tigers' offense on the year against D-I competition. Given the Tigers' schedule, that would include Illinois, Nevada, Buffalo, and, of course, the hapless Nebraska Cornhuskers. However, Mizzou has also played I-AA (I refuse to call it by the new name) Southeast Missouri State this year, and somehow managed to go 3 and out twice against what we must assume to be a very stout Redhawks defense.

So, as long as you're willing to let a lower class gaffe slide, I'm willing to decree that Missouri's offense having yet to go 3 and out (against D-I competition) this season is truly one of the most ridiculous College Football statistics I've ever seen. Ever. Just how good are these guys? #17 Oklahoma State and #5 Texas, over the next two weeks, may help us find out. I may tune in for no other reason than to simply see when this 3 and out streak ends...

On a brisk Thursday night in which the nation fully expected, and rightfully so, some Trojans to really stick it to a bunch of Beavers, the Beavers pulled a shocker, came hard, and came out on top. Oregon State's improbable 27-20 victory makes it two in a row now over USC in Corvallis, and significantly shakes up the 2008 college football landscape. This was supposed an easy conquest for Southern Cal, but they came out flacid; their confidence, enthusiasm and morale appeared low from the start, and they could just never get it up.

The Trojans' vaunted offense, expected to come into Corvallis and mercilessly penetrate through and score, multiple times, on an inexperienced and previously slayed Beaver defense, was held in check for nearly the entire night. The Trojan defense, commonly considered to be the nation's best, and expected to at least provide a reservoir like protection and containment of any Beaver advances, was gashed, battered, broken and busted wide open by a resilient, grinding Beavers' offense. Trojan fans certainly learned that, despite how good the odds are, the only sure way to ensure you don't get exposed is to simply not step on the playing field at all, but we all know that's not a reasonable alternative.

The only question that remains now is whether the pollsters will actually be able to convince themselves to drop USC to #2. We all know they don't want to. Congratulations, Beavers. I would have paid a pretty penny to be up in that stadium of yours last night, dancing on your field, smelling your majestic Oregon aromas. Maybe some other time. 2010?

There's been a lot of hoopla about ESPN allegedly dropping the ball by not running the clip of the Dawgs' Knowshon Moreno hurdling a Chippewa defender (or really any highlights from the game) last Saturday through the ole Bristol Hype Machine. I think they may have finally got around to showing it on, like, Tuesday or something, but for it to not even make the package for Gameday Final is beyond me. The #2 team in the country, SEC East leaders putting a beatdown on the defending MAC champions isn't all that newsworthy, I agree. But a Heisman candidate doing some of the things Knowshon did here? This could have been Moreno's "Heisman Hype Clip", ala Charles Woodson's one handed pick or something, but instead we don't even get a little taste of the glory? To see what it tastes like? Come on, Bristol.

Anyways, I won't drop "conspiracy" outside of quotation marks (yet), but I will say that the likelihood of this happening to Beanie Wells or Tebow, or anyone on the USC roster, is extremely low. ESPN has their favorites, and they have their reasons (arguably good reasons). I understand those guys are running a business first and foremost, I just think they should run that as a disclaimer from time to time in their Bottom Line ticker or something...

Make the jump for the highlight reel of the Top 10 Plays from last weeks Georgia-Central Michigan game; Knowshon's leap at #1...

Michael Phelps may be known for his prowess in the pool, and could go down as the greatest Olympian ever, but, given our nation's fascination with fad diets, not to mention quick fixes in general, Phelps may strike true gold on the nutritional market.

According to an article in the New York Post, Michael maintains that lean, muscular look by packing away no less than 12,000 calories a day. To be fair, he also swims 5 hours a day, 6 days a week, which admittedly is a bit more strenuous than say my weekly workout routine, but then I'm not sniffing 12,000 calories either. I also don't have the body of Michael Phelps, not quite, but at least there's hope, and that's what Michael Phelps is selling our great nation's millions, and in more ways than one.

Ready for your meal plan? Make the jump for one personally tried and tested by Mr. Phelps himself...

Congratulations, Valdosta. Winning this ESPN contest is quite an honor, I suppose. For those of you that don't know, around 50% of my family is from Valdosta, and still down there. I've spent a lot of time 'round dem parts, and still make it down around two times a year. Despite that, and my knowledge of the area's remarkable sports history, I was still rather surprised when I heard they'd beat out places like Boston, Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, Chapel Hill, Green Bay, and so on to win this whole TitleTown thing. I figure that means that the detached, purely objective observer, as you likely are, is extremely surprised. Well, assuming that's the case, I felt it would be an appropriate time to drop a little Valdosta/Lowndes County knowledge on ya...

The NBA season is over but there is some wheeling and dealing going on. Elton Brand is a Sixer. Richard Jefferson is a Buck. (Doesn't that sound derogatory? I guess being a Buck is an insult.) Corey Maggette is a Warrior. My former fantasy basketball sixth-man Matt Barnes is a Sun. Chris Duhon joins the Apocalypse. Hype man Ronny Turiaf is getting live in the Bay now. TJ Ford is a Pacer. Jermaine O'neal is a Raptor. Marcus Camby is a Clipper. Talk about getting dissed. Camby was released for cap space and a secound round draft pick. Camby wisely predicts that the draft pick probably won't even make the team.

Josh Childress is an Olympiaco. Olympi-who? J-Childs joined a team in Greece. The Hawks offered him $33 milli-ons over five years without including taxes and the Greeks offered $21 milli's in the air after the tax man cometh. Josh did real good. He's gets paid more and in a stronger currency with fringe benefits like free lounging. Good thing the Hawks drafted for the same position for five years in a row. They have been running through forwards. It looks like Team Josh is over. Josh Smith and Josh Childress might be gone.

The big issue is what does this mean for the NBA and future NBA prospects? The high school kids looking through college brochures might be enticed to hit the Euro-league for seven figures instead of dodging freshman classes until the NBA draft while looking for ways to cover up booster scholarships. (Whew, I got winded after reading that sentence again.) Also, what impact will this have on the NBA benches? If a guy can make more money and start in Europe then why would he ride the pine in the NBA gaining no respect or PT. There's some rich people in Russia that could afford to bank-roll some serious basketball squads. What if they went after stars that are losing their home-side appeal like Vince Carter or Jason Kidd? This is an interesting time for the NBA.

This could be bad news for the guys that go undrafted or get cut from NBA squads. It's already hard enough to become a professional basketball player. The last thing they probably want is competition from players with NBA job security.

I hope Josh has some thick skin. It's all peaches and cream right now but those European fans have no boundaries. At least not in soccer where racism is obvious at times.

Even simultaneous instances of such. Great catch, Kyle, but at what cost? At least this play, which I'm officially nominating for Face Plant of the Year, basically guarantees that Kyle Shelton will be seen on Megatrons in baseball parks around the country for the foreseeable future. Kyle Shelton and the San Diego Chicken: Joined for eternity. You're a utilitarian hero in that sense, Mr. Shelton. That wall may have simply left a mark on your face, but you and your brazen approach to tracking down foul balls have left a mark on the baseball universe, and that's something...even in the context of a 6-1 loss and being eliminated from the College World Series. God bless you, Kyle Shelton.

(Video clip at source site)