And it sure doesn't sound like his name is Joel Pineiro.

Friend of the Frog Eric Wilbur gives everyone a heads up that Jonathan Papelbon may in reality be the Sox closer next season. If all you're into is the closer news, fast forward through the audio link to about 9:30. But you'll miss where John Henry has set the bar nicely: "This certainly has to be one of the best Red Sox teams ever, if not the best." Nicely done, John Henry.

The Illini need to find a new mascot, and Mark Tupper of the Decatur Herald & Review is ticked off. If you are a fan of the university or interested in this debate, please stop by and read his article. Because he makes a decent point about the NCAA's uneven ruling on Chief Illiniwek:

"If the use of Native American imagery and symbols is wrong, then it's wrong everywhere. It makes the NCAA look foolish and without the courage of commitment when it allows a school like Florida State to flaunt its Native American imagery (without a shred of the dignity that some of us see in Chief Illiniwek) on its athletic fields simply because it pays money to a 'namesake' tribe to say it's OK."

I would take that argument a step further. Either you allow ethnic mascots, or you don't.

The problem with this, of course, is that it could result in banning the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame (and other mascots like the only slightly lesser-known Fighting Scots of the Division III College of Wooster). Because a dancing leprechaun putting up his dukes is completely inoffensive to anyone of Irish heritage, right? I mean, who wouldn't want to have their history represented by a conniving belligerent mythical twirp? But we know the NCAA won't touch their sacred cow.

This is a difficult debate because you will never appease all the members of a group. Because of this dilemma, if the NCAA is concerned about ethnic mascots being offensive, it should ban them unilaterally. But that would require the NCAA to have a shred of consistency and dignity. Clearly, it does not.

Once again, this group that allegedly represent institutions of higher learning and thinking has danced around the issue. They have singled out one group bowing to political pressure, and ignored the same problems elsewhere. Sadly, we have grown to expect little else.

Quite the FA Cup match last night between Bolton and Arsenal yesterday. Arsenal ultimately triumphed 3-1 but it was in extra time and it could have been a whole lot closer than that. In fact, Arsenal looked like they might give the game away at times. Bolton played like the thuggish cheats that they are, and Arsenal were the better side, but the Gunners inability to finish was shocking. A few observations:

- Freddie Ljungberg proved to be the difference-maker in extra time for Arsenal. Wenger finally found someone who could hit the net. Tomas Rosicky controlled the Gunner attack with aplomb.

- At least five balls hit the woodwork, slightly in Arsenal's favor, an indication of how different the final score could have been either way.

- Credit Bolton for coming out and attacking. This resulted in Kevin Nolan having an attempt at goal only 17 seconds into the game. Unfortunately for him, he took a swing and a miss. But at least they didn't go into game-killing mode from the kick off. That's about the only nice thing any impartial observer can say about Bolton last night.

- Arsenal missed two penalties, both by Brazilian players. Gilberto's miss sailed clear of the bar, and was surprising for a player of his composure. Baptista's was about as predictable as a penalty miss can be. He was simply awful for Arsenal last night. With the meltdown of Brazilian Gunners, poor Denilson has to wonder if he'll ever get a shot to step in the box.

- With Jens Lehmann suspended, Almunia did a fine job in goal. He made some critical saves and took control at times when Arsenal's defense looked confused. He was Man of the Match in my book.

- The only man who may have played worse than Baptista last night was Bolton's Jorge Campo. He salvaged his night with an assist on Bolton's goal, but his performance before that was ugly. He gave away a one-on-one for Adebayor (who promptly missed an open goal), looked slow, passed poorly, made rash tackles, and walked away laughing after being yellow-carded in the box for diving. If you wanted to see everything that is wrong in football wrapped up in one bug-eyed package, you need not look further than Jorge Campo's performance last night.

- The diving from Bolton was dispicable in general. The gameplan in the second half was clearly this: get the ball forward, run into an Arsenal defender, crumple to the ground in pain and raise your hand for penalty. Forget about the players. This reeked of direct instructions from Big Sam Allardyce. This wasn't one player diving, rather it was the gameplan, and the big-headed juice-sipping thug on the sideline needs to be dealt with. Campo stuck his leg out to touch Rosicky before diving. El Hadji Diouf could barely stay on his feet. Even Anelka, to whom I give some credit - his half-hearted efforts will undoubtedly have his loyalty questioned by Allardyce - was in on the diving scheme.

- The only Arsenal dive or instance of any unsportsmanlike conduct (let's remember Lehmann wasn't on the pitch) was when Rosicky hit the ground after he lost the ball and there was some incidental contact. He fell only after losing the ball and taking a step or two, clutched his shin in pain and writhed on the ground in utter misery before bouncing back up with a smile in the span of approximately 15 seconds.

There was a time when I would take off from work for one or more of the first days of the March Madness tournament. It was completely and totally worth two vacation or ... cough, cough ... sick days. But as the years progressed and responsibilities at work prevented that from being an option, I tended to miss a lot of the early games.

Well, starting last year, people could watch the Madness on their computers at the office. The response for this free access was overwhelming. So this year, the folks at CBS Sportsline are offering anyone the opportunity to sign up for VIP access for free. What does this VIP access mean? Well, it may very well be the difference between getting to watch the games and clicking refresh every 10 seconds on a Gamecast.

Berger from Sports Business Radio explains:

"As a VIP member, users will have much faster access to live video from the 2007 NCAA® Division I Men's Basketball Championship on game days. Without VIP access, fans will have to wait in a virtual line behind all VIP members. As an example of how long this virtual line can be, in 2006, MMOD had 150,000 people in the waiting room on Thursday March 16 just after the first games started. If that line was single-file and visible (assuming each person takes up two feet of space), it would have been over 50 miles long."

I signed up. It took ten seconds. Literally. Click on this link to do the same.

Thanks to Swamp Hall of Famer wlu_lax for the heads up.

The Guardian's Scott Murray is nothing if not paranoid about the new ownership at Liverpool. You would be hard-pressed to find a more suspicious rant. Remember, the boys that took to the streets to march in protest of the Glazers' takeover of Manchester United? Yeah, Murray might be leading the Liverpool version.

A taste of the bitterness:

"... nobody can possibly currently know what their intentions are. This is not the time for trust or blind loyalty."

"At the end of the press conference to announce their takeover of 'the biggest club in the biggest sport in the world', the pair buggered off at speed so they could jet back in time to watch some ice hockey."

"Will they rename the new stadium, to be built 'very soon'? 'If it means we get one great player per year, we'll look at it.' But is this what fans want? If it isn't, can they stop them?"

Of course, to be completely honest, I totally agree with him. Just because you're distrustful does not mean you're wrong.

So Morgan State head basketball coach Todd Bozeman flipped out becuase he was given ham sandwiches. As random and crazy as that appears to be, and as unprofessional as he reportedly was in handling the situation, I imagine some of his concern is related to people who don't eat ham for religious reasons.

Let's remember that it was Bozeman who successfully brought Shareef Abdur-Rahim to Cal. And according to at least two sources, Bozeman studied Muslim customs. From The Washington Post: "Bozeman spent a month studying Islam before he visited Shareef Abdur-Rahim, a highly regarded forward from Marietta, Ga. When he got there, he greeted Abdur-Rahim's mom with a cultural bow and told her about Cal's burgeoning Muslim community. If need be, Bozeman said, Cal could schedule practices around religious obligations. Abdur-Rahim committed a few weeks later."

He even enlisted the services of a tutor: "Golden Bears' coach, Todd Bozeman, had learned about Muslim customs before his recruitment visit with Abdur-Rahim and enlisted the help of Hashim Alauddeen, a graduate student at the university who was active in the Muslim community."

And for a little local angle on the story, I am confident that at least one group have become huge supporters of Bozeman. You see, the Nation of Islam sells its newspapers and bean pies at the prime intersection near the Morgan State campus. They are out there almost every day.

If Bozeman did throw this fit for religious purposes, I'll be keeping my eyes out for orange and blue arm bands for solidarity.

Art Monk has more receptions than any player in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Art Monk has more receptions, more receiving yards, and more receiving touchdowns than Michael Irvin. He has two Super Bowl rings. He has composed himself with nothing but class and dignity throughout his career.

Where exactly is the hole in his resume that has prevented Monk's election? Is it that he does not self-promote adequately? Stays out of the public eye and the courts too much?

I can't believe I'm writing this, but: God bless Mark Schlereth on ESPN for calling the Hall of Fame voters a bunch of clowns. Which is exactly what they are.

Here's a link to the aforementioned clowns. Among the bigger names in this group: Peter King, John Clayton, and Len Pasquarelli. An e-mail campaign may be in order.

The violent side of the beautiful game reared its ugly head in Sicily today. At least one person dead and many more injured in rioting that took place outside of the stadium in Catania:

"Police fired tear gas, which wafted into the stadium and forced the match to be temporarily suspended in the 58th minute with Palermo leading 1-0.

"Police said the officer died after an explosive device was thrown inside his vehicle.

"The violence continued after the game, in which Palermo beat Catania 2-1, trapping hundreds of fans inside the stadium as authorities sought to avoid further violence and stop people from leaving."

All Serie A games have been canceled and officials are considering further potential measures. The game will be re-aired on Fox Soccer Channel at 8:00 PM tonight, in addition to another repeat on Sunday.

Bear in mind that while the riots were almost certainly soccer-related on some level, this did not occur inside the stadium.

The first bit of Super Bowl media hype has seeped into my consciousness this morning, and it ain't pretty. Today is, "Look editor, I am working in Miami. I interviewed the back-ups" day for the slovenly mass of mainstream media.

How must the mind of the local scribe on an expense account function? An in-depth look at an impact player? A feature piece with a human interest angle? No thanks, the lines are too long. Let's see. Who does nobody care about? Who's sitting alone in his uniform reading the latest issue of Maxim? Ah, Jim Sorgi. Let me get this interview done in five minutes, write the article in an hour, and then go grab some KFC (Saving my per diem for the strip club later on. Beers are $12. Can you believe that?).

Steve Ballard of the Indy Star writes this fascinating piece: "Colts backup QB Sorgi accepts bench role behind Manning ... No one has a better understanding or is more accepting of his role on the Indianapolis Colts than backup quarterback Jim Sorgi."

His role is to hold a clipboard. Wow. What a good solider. Especially when there are ZERO other NFL teams knocking down his door to offer him a starting job.

Quoth the Sorgi: "Yeah, this is the greatest job in the world until Peyton comes off the field and thinks his thumb might be broken and you're down by three (points) to New England and you haven't taken a snap all year ... I sat at my locker after the game and ran through all the scenarios in my head. I could have won the game and that would have been great. Or I could have lost the game and that would have been horrible."

How long did it take you to contemplate all the scenarios, Jim? All two of them, that is.

You have to give Ballard some credit. He knows he's filing a crappy fluff piece without a smidgen of news in it, so he has some fun with it towards the end, throwing Sorgi under the bus: "He gets his exercise shuttling information between Manning and wide receiver Marvin Harrison, who sit at opposite ends of the bench ... Manning isn't always as receptive to Sorgi's suggestions as Harrison is, but Sorgi doesn't mind being a well-paid messenger and little else."

Damn.

If you want to see how the exact same interview gets turned into a halfway decent story with actual information in it, check out Jim Corbett's USA Today piece (and I know, when the McPaper is the good example, we're all in trouble).

A few hours left for things to happen. So far today, nothing that earth-shattering:

- Mascherano officially moved to Liverpool. This on the same day that the potential buyers from Dubai announced that they would be pulling out of a deal to take over the club.

- If West Ham end up going down, it won't be for lack of trying to stay up. Matthew Upson is a Hammer at last for six million pounds.

- Garreth Bale, on the other hand, has decided to stay at Southampton, who are in the battle for promotion in the Championship. Plus, I hear the weather there is second only to Blackpool.

- Reading landed Michael Duberry from Stoke to anchor their central defense.

- Andy Cole might be moving to Everton, who also acquired Benfica middy Manuel Fernandes on loan today.

- Celtic beat Rangers once again. This time it was the battle to sign Paul Hartley from Hearts.

- Glenn Roeder is saying "pretty please" to Saint-Etienne striker Frederic Piquionne.

- Bayern Munich have a new manager.

- A move from Barca to Juventus is a big possibility this summer for Javier Saviola.

- Middlesborough signed Korean Dong Gook Lee. But with that name, the poor guy was cursed from birth to play in an English-speaking country. I get that it's his name, just like I'm sure there's someone out there named Whitey Peckerwood Johnson. Here's hoping British fans are more open-minded than Americans would be.

A little over a week ago, an article appeared in the Old Grey Lady - and more importantly, in The Swamp - about a refugee soccer team in Georgia. Well, in less than a week, major Hollywood power brokers got into a bidding war over the rights to make the movie, and one is ticked off that his high-dollar bid wasn't accepted.

From the Old Grey Man (aka The Wall Street Journal), Kate Kelley tells an interesting story:

"Early on Jan. 21, Hollywood producer Scott Rudin sent up an urgent flare to his top deputy. He had just read a heartwarming New York Times story about a group of refugee kids playing soccer in Clarkston, Ga., and was desperate to win the movie rights.

"Four days later, though, Mr. Rudin was bellyaching in a snarky email to top studio executives at Sony Corp. and Walt Disney Co. about a frenzied auction that had ensued, in which he was one of the losers despite an impassioned pitch and big-money bid ...

"... How one of filmmaking's wiliest players went from wooing a journalist and a small-town soccer coach to venting his frustration toward them all over Hollywood shows how sticky things sometimes get when real people are sucked into the entertainment-industry vortex."

In the end, the coach went with a bid that may have actually been for less money when all is said and done, but that guaranteed a substantial no-strings-attached donation to the kids.

Selfish bastard.

- Oguchi Onyewu is officially a Magpie, although as nufc.com points out, he has some significant international commitments he will be making in a red, white and blue kit. Perhaps this is why a team like Chelsea (that gets what it wants) let him go to a team like Newcastle (that gets what it gets).

- Fat Ronaldo looks to be heading to AC Milan. The two sides are quibbling over a transfer fee, and talks that have been complicated by the potential inclusion of striker Ricardo Oliveira in the deal.

- British pop star Robbie Williams, a Los Angeles resident, is apparently over the moon about the imminent arrival of the royal couple. Although he already has a full soccer field on his estate, Williams reportedly plans on building an indoor soccer pitch so that Becks can come over and play without helicopters taking pics.

- Liverpool are reportedly going to announce their signing of Javier Mascherano tomorrow. Seems like a strange move that could serve to muddy the waters of an in-form side.

- Inter Milan, who merely boast a cadre of strikers that includes Ibrahimovic, Adriano and Crespo, apparently feel the need to boost their ranks with the likes of Real Madrid's Antonio Cassano.

- The Hammers are denying that they offered 18 million pounds for Darren Bent. I should hope they would deny that. If they make a move like that, and still go down, they'd be in dire financial straits for years. But it appears that they would have been willing to spend that money. And that this is more of a case of who rejected who first. A West Ham spokesman said, "West Ham would like to make it clear that no bid has been submitted because Charlton have made it clear Darren Bent is not for sale." You can't dump me. We were never going out in the first place.

- Some other tasty tidbits: Edgar Davids is heading back to Ajax, Alexandre Song moves to Charlton on loan, Matthew Etherington could be in Fulham tomorrow, Ronaldhino and Buffon look to stay put, and Deportivo defender Alvaro Arbeloa appears Liverpool-bound.

Apparently, Latrell Sprewell had four kids and shared a life with Candice Cabbil. They were together for over 10 years, engaged but never officially married. Cabbil even raised another child of Sprewell's who is not hers.

But now he would rather live by himself on a yacht in Wisconsin than spend time with his family. And to get his point across, he allegedly beat her and threatened her. If any of this is remotely accurate, put Sprewell on the shortlist for Most Dispicable Professional Athlete (and I know, there's a lot of competition). So Cabbil is filing a lawsuit to raise her family.

A little internet digging reveals that Cabbil seems to be a hard worker who isn't just sitting back and getting fat off her "husband." She is, or has been, an official consultant for sisterlocks.com ("much more than a hair care system. It's more like a movement, and it is really powerful!), and a real estate agent for Sprewell Realty Inc in Wisconsin and in New York.

"The lawsuit says that on Sept. 8, Sprewell broke his promise to share his life and fortune with Cabbil when he entered their Purchase, N.Y., home and announced they needed 'to end this fake' relationship.

"Sprewell started giving Cabbil less money than usual for household expenses and for their children, ages 3, 7, 8 and 11, and made himself scarce when she tried to find him, the lawsuit says.

"The lawsuit said Cabbil also was the guardian for a 16-year-old child Sprewell fathered with another woman.

"It alleges that, in December, Sprewell entered their home, chased Cabbil around and smacked her hand to prevent her from trying to use a cellphone to call police. Then he allegedly grabbed her and dragged her down a flight of stairs by her feet, causing her physical and emotional injury.

"According to the lawsuit, the encounter brought a violent end to a relationship that belied earlier promises that she had 'nothing to worry about' and she 'owned everything he owned' despite his failure to marry or to put her name on the home he bought for $3 million in 2000."

Apparently, Latrell Sprewell had four kids and shared a life with Candice Cabbil. They were together for over 10 years, engaged but never officially married. Cabbil even raised another child of Sprewell's who is not hers.

But now he would rather live by himself on a yacht in Wisconsin than spend time with his family. And to get his point across, he allegedly beat her and threatened her. If any of this is remotely accurate, put Sprewell on the shortlist for Most Dispicable Professional Athlete (and I know, there's a lot of competition). So Cabbil is filing a lawsuit to raise her family.

A little internet digging reveals that Cabbil seems to be a hard worker who isn't just sitting back and getting fat off her "husband." She is, or has been, an official consultant for sisterlocks.com ("much more than a hair care system. It's more like a movement, and it is really powerful!), and a real estate agent for Sprewell Realty Inc in Wisconsin and in New York.

"The lawsuit says that on Sept. 8, Sprewell broke his promise to share his life and fortune with Cabbil when he entered their Purchase, N.Y., home and announced they needed 'to end this fake' relationship.

"Sprewell started giving Cabbil less money than usual for household expenses and for their children, ages 3, 7, 8 and 11, and made himself scarce when she tried to find him, the lawsuit says.

"The lawsuit said Cabbil also was the guardian for a 16-year-old child Sprewell fathered with another woman.

"It alleges that, in December, Sprewell entered their home, chased Cabbil around and smacked her hand to prevent her from trying to use a cellphone to call police. Then he allegedly grabbed her and dragged her down a flight of stairs by her feet, causing her physical and emotional injury.

"According to the lawsuit, the encounter brought a violent end to a relationship that belied earlier promises that she had 'nothing to worry about' and she 'owned everything he owned' despite his failure to marry or to put her name on the home he bought for $3 million in 2000."

Huge news for Magpie supporters and fans of American footballers abroad, as the BBC reports that defender Oguchi "Gooch" Onyewu is heading to Newcastle United on a loan deal.

According to the BBC, "Onyewu is currently having a medical at St James' Park, and is expected to sign on Monday if things go smoothly.

"The 24-year-old has been attracting interest from clubs across Europe, reportedly including Chelsea."

Upside: He plays fantastically, falls in love with St. James Park, and signs a long-term deal.

Downside: He gets penalized too much to be effective, loses his aggressiveness and starts taking tips from Titus Bramble.

Alternate Downside: He gets hurt (this is Newcastle we're talking about).