Miami-Dade County is in serious super freak-out mode now that the temperature has dropped down to 71 degrees out. While driving around today, I couldn't believe how everyone was dressed...almost as if they just got let out of Lambeau Field in January. Even the news people can't stand to have to wear socks with their thonged flip-flops.
Good morning everyone, I'm Jeannie de Jesus-Diaz-Arce-RodriguA(c)z-Estefan and here are today's top stories.
50 people were shot at 5am today in Carol City, and the Miami Dolphins have increased their wins by 250% from last year, but our top story is of course the cold, dark abyss of death that has descended on Miami. With more on this news... we go to Juanita Flores-Ignacio-de Palma for more. Juanita?
Juanita: Yes, Jeannie it is unbearably cold. I'm outside of a Winn-Dixie supermarket where earlier, I talked to Pablo Rodriguez-Iglesias-Diaz-Soto-Grande-Latte, who was stocking up for more freezing conditions to come.
Pablo: Yes, I waited outside of Winn-Dixie for 2 hours this morning to make sure I would be able to find food for all of my 19 children.
Juanita: And is this the worst crisis your family has ever faced?
Pablo: Well, I thought it was bad when I walked into my office at Citibank this morning and was told that my job had been cut...but at that point my hands were so cold...all I cared about was getting back in my car and turning the heat on.
Juanita: Obviously it is a dire situation here in MDC, and it seems as if it will only get worse as tomorrow's high...and I use that term loosely, is only 68. Back to you at the desk.
This week was my last Miami home game as a student, as they defeated Virginia Tech 16-14 to take over the lead in the ACC Coastal Division after starting 0-2 in division play. Football was a sexy experience the whole semester and it sucks that it's ended at home. After free food and beers in the parking lot followed by a great game...I pretty much though that my the 'Cane football experience was over. Until I caught this.
Mike, Doug, Q and I had a great man-time at the game and hopefully Miami will carry the hot streak and take down Georgia Tech and N.C. State on the way to the ACC Championship....in all places.... TAMPAAAAAA! Maybe the parking lot hard-ass will be in attendance picking on more 62 year olds.
Anyways....
Your PAWG of the Week is Brazil's Melanie Nunes Fronckowiak. She won the "Most Beautiful Bottom in the World Competition" this week. (Found via Kissing Suzy Kolber)
We all have seen a douchebag. But what about the existance of the girl douchebag...or G-Bag?
Yes, she does exist. And here are the tell-tale signs.
1. They are in Delta Gamma. Usually this is the hottest sorority on campus...true. But they are total G-Bags for sure. First, you can't see them in a social situation without at least once doing the reverse sun shade with their hands while posing for their 1,248th facebook pic. Some may incorrectly think that this hand motion is to emulate the gamma symbol. This is false. This motion actually depicts the handling of the trays they will mastering while on the early afternoon shift at Ruby Tuesdays one year after they graduate. Secondly, they are G-Bags because they are often found walking Sunday mornings away from the housings of D-Bag frats.
2. They wear Tiffany chain necklaces/bracelets. These are the Ugg Boots and Skirt combination for the upper body of the G-Bag. Unfortunately, the flash from the camera does not reflect strongly enough off these ornaments to blind one from seeing the "kissy face" most depicted by girls with these necklaces.
3. They utilize the Ugg boots and skirt combo. I happen to love this trend.
4. They like Kobe.
5. They post on myspace walls with "blinged-out" pre made messages like "Thankz 4 Da Add" or "Happy Hump Day!"
6. Their friends are incredibly hot. Their clique could be filled with secret operatives from Tanzania who want to poison the water supply of the county's public golf course. But if their asses look good in a pair of Seven Jeans, they can roll in the G-Bag circle.
This weekend, my man-friend Mike and I took the 6 hr trip up to Tallahassee to go to FSU. Basically, if you hate fun stuff, girls, and cheap drinks...don't go to FSU.
One of the highlights from the time up there came late on Saturday night, when we walked in to Baja's. I felt like the first white person who landed on the shores of the African continent. Mike uttered the two omnipresent words... "stay close." The last time someone said that to me seriously was when I was playing team paintball in the Poconos when I was 14. And the difference between paintballs guns and real guns like the ones likely present in Baja's is that paintballs will not cause death by sepsis while you are lying in the hospital in Tally.
Tallahassee also sports one of the finest establishments to ride the coattails of the rap industry: Hip Hop Fish and Chicken. HHFC features a 5 piece "Crunkfest" which includes 3 thighs and 2 legs for $4.99. (Obviously at a place called Hip Hop Fish & Chicken, you can bet that those thighs is thickkkkkkkkkk bruh!)
Anyways, in honor of the experience that was FSU, your PAWG of the week expectedly is Jenn Sterger. Jenn parlayed her 10 seconds on ABC four years ago into magazine covers and a job doing something with the Jets.
Ey yo. Let us pray. I thank the Lord for my blessings and for this day. For love and forgiveness from you Jesus, this is why I pray. Luke 21 Verse 13 says "Worship nothing but me, for I am your God" If Jesus was here, he'd be like "Get at me Dog" Amen.
Uh huh. Uh huh.
One week left...until the death...of college ball downtime. I thank the Lord everyday that I'm able to rhyme (bark, bark). Smokin on some stuff...got me in a trance Keep thinkin UCONN gonna go out in the first round during the dance.
When will Duke learn You cant rely on white guys Wondering why ho's be tellin white lies (WHAT?) Memphis be duckin hard non-confrence opponents Like they drive-by's (bark, bark).
Preseason Player of the Year not livin' in fear I'd only jump off that balcony if I had a blunt and a beer.
I'm good in the hood, so yo you aint gotta worry Prime time player, low profile, just like Stephen Curry At Davidson back in 07...thought a thug went to heaven When Nevada-Las Vegas went to the Elite Eight Ranked number 7 (WHAT?)
Ey yo Notre Dame...these dogs lookin hungry Accurate with the tre pound, sharp shootin like Kyle McAlarney Theys my team to look out for (WHAT?) Pull out the strap, watch these so called dogs hit the floor Gettin stacks like Hova Big game at 'Nova (bark, bark March 2nd)
ACC Can't see me As I ride in the dark. Knight Ridin thugs, but light you up with a spark UNC, Wake, And Duke all gots they tournament seats But Miami still a dog...and they tryin to eat (bark, bark)
So before I go Let a thug know (WHAT?) JESUUUSSSSSSSSS Where can I score some blow? (bark, bark).
Today I helped out with the polling center here in Downtown Miami. Despite Florida's past ineptitude regarding voting ballots (see Bush v. Gore), it all went pretty well. But people had the most problems understanding the amendments on the ballots. For example, one amendment basically read like this: Should the Florida State government ban all legal unions from owning real property if they are illegal aliens receiving school vouchers.
Anyways, it gave me an idea. Sports fans should be allowed to propose amendments for their favorite sports. Here are some of mine
Baseball Amendment 42a.03-1
"It shall be decreed that no player may have his own music when walking up to the box. This was all good until fans were subjected to T-Pain on the ride to the stadium, as well as 4 times during the game itself. Also, it was pretty cool when they played only 3 innings to finish the World Series. Can we keep that going?"
College Football Amendment 9-2384a
"It shall be decreed that voting polls shant being until the 6th week of the season. And Kirk Herbstreit must return his hair to its natural color. This may be supplanted by Amendment 218734a4e9 which states 'Herbstreit may dye one tip per correct prediction each week'."
Fantasy Football Amendment 36-24-42
"It shall be decreed that no fantasy football participant state to others outside the league the players they have drafted. No one cares. You got Randy Moss, T.O., and Andre Johnson because there are only 4 people in your league."
Tennis Amendment 666
"It shall be decreed that no men's tennis tournament may be televised. Instead, all matches shall be depicted as Atari Pong on a gamecast on the internet (without grunting sounds)."
College Football Amendment 3.14159
"It shall be decreed that college coaches may at the half have the choice to talk to the sideline reporter or choose to eat from the 'Mystery Bag.' Often, the mystery bag will contain succulent items like the bread from Outback Steakhouse or those chocolate turtles with caramel inside of them. But sparingly, said Mystery Bag may contain such items as Joe Paterno's unfinished haggis on rye or a pound of mayonnaise."
For the last futile 25 years, fans of Philadelphia sports have been characterized as tortured souls destined to die without championships while they rot in the jail that exists below their stadium.
With every Joe Carter to blast Mitch Williams, there was a Scott Stevens to decapitate Eric Lindros. For every bad batch of Chunky Soup to project out of Donovan McNabb's esophagus, there was a Tyronn Lue to halt Allen Iverson.
The city's central sports hero actually never existed. There is a statue of this incomprehensible Philadelphia celebrity (and I'm not talking about Smarty Jones) named Rocky located at the Art Museum, but Sonny Liston is all but forgotten.
My hate affair with Philadelphia began in 1993. I just began 3rd grade when I moved to the rough cul-de-sacs of Connecticut to the even rougher fields of rural Chester County. My teacher, Ms. Kelly, a Flyer fan, would get at me for the Ranger's past woes-a Stanley Cup Championship had not been had for 54 years. That would be the last year I would ever hear of this, as that Spring, Messier would hoist the cup up like a freak granted early parole.
From then on, I knew I had to lay it on to all my Philly frenemies (as there were a lot growing up in PA and South Jersey).
The Yankees would win, and those would be written up as purchased titles. The Knicks, well... The Giants at least found some congratulations come my way after many rooted against New England.
But I found almost an equal joy in every Philly loss. The Red Wings took them in '97, the Eagles in '05 against the Pats. The Sixers in '02 by L.A. No other statement proved more true... "my enemy's enemy...."
Well, for the city that has had one of the worst runs in sports, I say good job. No city deserves to go that long in ruins, unless if its Cincinnati and no one cares. I hate to admit it, but Philly has always had the best fans. Sure they can turn on you in a dime (McNabb), but they can also jump right back on you (McNabb).
Within two months, I will most likely be graduated from the U, rendering my slogan obsolete, as it says "Live from the U." Therefore, I need to plan accordingly and get a new one. Here are some of my ideas....
My boy Mandel Ocean got Mike and I up on stage for the Pharell concert at school on Friday. Shot of the crowd during the concert in front of Richter.
Pharell
That was on Friday night. The next day, along with my friends Casey and Ryan, I got to Dolphins Stadium to be at the UM/Wake Forest game. I have little photographic evidence that I was in attandence. But it was a good game. Mike, Mandel Ocean, and I went out that night to the Beach to search for shone.
After about 4 hrs of sleep, Mike and I had luxury suite for the Dolphins/Bills game which was tizzightttt.
Going to a big school has given me a chance to make friends with a lot of people of color. This experience has been highly valuable, as I have learned that not all black people have sickle-cell.
My best friends down here are all black. And whenever I go out, its usually with said black people to clubs that cater to urban crowds. While I found out that not all people of color have the aforementioned painful blood disorder, I also learned that "these people" have a very interesting way of categorizing women, or "bitches" as they call them.
Here's the ranking system, from worst to best:
1. That's the worst bitch up in here. Most likely, the girl was a helpless victim of fetal alcohol syndrome. Or she has a really pretty face, but has no ass (a quality held above anything to black guys...including diamonds, silencers, and the no-snitching code).
2. She aight. Often said using a hand motion used when rolling dice in a game of c-lo in alley way up by ones face. She may have some ass, but not enough to enjoy.
3. Yeah, She could get it. At first, this one was tough to decipher. What was "it" exactly? Child support payments? Love? Nuclear secrets? Once I realized what it was, I began to dig deeper into this statement. The girl is just above alright, but not hot. This often applies to girls that are older. This completely differs from.....
4. SHE could get it. Notice the "yeah" has been removed from the equation. The girl definitely has a huge ass. Black guy will "ax" the girl to come home with him.
5. That bitch is badd. The holy trinity: 36-25-42 measurements. She has been spotted in videos of southern rap artists, and maybe even the KING magazine swimsuit edition. For more info on the trinity, go to :59.
If you're in your 20's, you remember two things: the first time you saw her and the first time you played as Pavel Bure in NHL 94. Not just one of the best sports games ever, but one of the best video games ever--NHL 94 had everything. Fast-paced game play, "realistic" sound effects, and "lifelike" player motions. It was fun to play, and you only needed 4 buttons to play.
Unfortunatly, NHL 94 is just like GoldenEye in a sense that yeah it was good, but it could not stand the test of time, like Super Mario games. Go head, hook up Nintendo 64 and play Bond. It sucks now. Sorry.
Anyways, for those of you who are still into fast-paced hockey gameplay, EA Sports released NHL 09 last month. Unlike some of the other HD sports games (Madden, FIFA) it really feels like you are on the ice, especially in "Be a Pro" mode. You create your own character and put him into EASHL (EA Sports Hockey League) where you can join a club of other online players, or just play on Online Team Play.
During the online Be a Pro, you are graded on your performance and all stats are kept. The better you do, the more attributes you get to add to your player as far as performance. The whole game played is in your personal perspective on the ice which is really cool. EA totally revamped hitting and the defensive AI, which means you really have to play team hockey and your position in order to succeed. It makes the game more fun--bottom line.
Sports games today require about 90 buttons to play, but NHL 09 offers three types of controls, including NHL 94 button system. NHL 94 will always be held dearly by sports video gamers, but by far, the most innovative and perfected sports game of all time is NHL 09.
Normally, I hate heating food in the microwave. But throw like 8 of them on a plate and they taste just like pancakes that someone made for me I made. I got em for like $4 at expensive-ass Publix.
If you plan on voting, trust me...do the early vote. Lines on election day will be nuts. Today I heard the line was around 1 hr at Miracle Mile. UM has busses leaving from Stanford circle every afternoon to the voting places and it will be much less of a hassle compared to election day.
I've been trying to figure out what I should be for halloween. My first choice was to be Mystery, the creepy ass clown from Pick Up Artist on VH1. It is a relevant choice that is pretty hillarious. It would also give me a reason to wear guyliner. Problem is...I don't think enough people have seen the show, and girls might think im trying to be that Mind Freak loser.
Then I thought I could be Spencer from the Hills. I could dye my hair blonde and just walk around telling girls that "If I could de-sister you, I would." Problem is, again, I don't know if enough people would get it. Facebook age: all I care about is what others think.
Anyways, your PAWG of the week is Sanaa Lathan. She's not "white" and might not have a "phat ass" but Brown Sugar was on Saturday night and it kept my attention during two of the boring games that night.
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