ROMANTIC LOG CABIN - FIRESIDE - NIGHT

Betty and Rick arrive after a long drive up to the cabin amidst the beautiful Aspen sky and Rick builds a roaring fire in the stone fireplace, while Betty unpacks.

Betty's Internal Monologue: This is really romantic. He is so sweet... And so fucking obvious. Does he really think this is going to be a surprise? My God, we went ring shopping like 4 months ago and now we're going to Aspen for a romantic weekend on my fucking birthday. Gimme a break. Should I mess with him and find the engagement ring in his bag and hide it? That would be awesome. No, that would be so mean. I don't want to ruin the "surprise."

Rick (with an audible nervous crackle in his language): Miss Betty. Come down to the fireplace, I have a surprise for you.

Betty's Internal Monologue: Alright, just let me get my Visine so it looks like I'm crying. Remember, act surprised and say you love it even though it's probably ugly. Alright, game time baby.

Betty: Coming.

Betty walks down the wooden staircase to find Rick kneeling on his one knee by the light of his handmade fire.

Betty: Oh my God. I can't believe it.

Rick: Betty, will you marry me?

Betty: Yay. Wee. Woohoo. Of course. Nice ring. Can we get drunk now?
_______________________________________________________

That was meant to reflect how surprised I am that Daunte Culpepper started his first game for the Detroit Lions and helped the Lions on their way to a perfect 0-16 season. In fact, Daunte's 104 yards, 1 interception, zero touchdowns, and 47.5 passer rating helped Detroit suffer their worst defeat yet in their worst season ever - making this the worst game in the worst NFL football season ever.

Fortunately, Drew Stanton got some playing time finally and threw a touchdown pass and went 6-8, which is great news considering the Lions just blew what will amount to around $5 million bucks on a really crappy washed up Daunte Cuklpepper who will probably get injured during practice this week.

Forgive me if I am not surprised by Culpepper's performance. Apparently, the rest of the Lions organziation forgot that he is not good and hasn't been good since Minnesota... in freaking 2004.

In his defense, the Lion's defense stink it up really bad as well, so he wasn't the only one sucking out there. The defense gave up 384 total yards, not to mention three touchdowns in the first half alone to Maurice Jones-Drew. The offense never had a chance to catch a rhythm.

Now, we will all be reeling with anticpation as we wait until Sunday to see who wins the starting QB job, but if you don't know, you don't know the Lions. It's inevitable that Stanton will start playing really well, while Culpepper winds up a collosal waste of money. That's just the way it goes on the Lions. Nothing makes sense.

Thus, I have one fearless forecast for this Lion's team and Drew Stanton will ochestrate this ballsy Nostradamism. Detroit will take down the undefeated Titans on Thanksgiving Day in a marvelous victory. Why? Simply put, nothing ever makes sense with the Lions.Subscribe to us

Every year NFL.com runs this shitty campaign about the rules of Fantasy Football. It's a chance to pop the cherries on the few remaining people out there that have yet to try Fantasy Football. In reality it's a nice little campaign for the novice, but for us we are PROS at this shit and needed to come up with a manifesto that relates better to our needs. And so today we are opening the first topic on the importance of team names.

Simply stated, I can't stress enough just how important a team name really is for Fantasy Football. It defines who you are as an owner and what you are going to bring to the table week in and week out. It needs to be a well thought out process and next to marriage or buying your first home, it's probably the 3rd most important decision in a person's life.

The first step is knowing your audience. I mean if you're playing in a league with Mike, Bob and Joe from the office...you may have to discretely censor yourself. For example, a name like "Taught Ballbag" or "Seething Phallus" probably won't suffice. You'd better think of something intriguing, but less explicit. In these instances I like to pull out a name like the "Four Skins." Note the spelling and though they may think they know what you mean, you can always disguise it by claiming it refers to Golf.

Trust me, you'll feel better knowing you've duped them into not thinking you're a total pervert. Anyhow, do not ever under any circumstances pull out a fucking name like "The Destroyers" or "Gridiron Glory" or "Fin to Win." Gay. Gay. Gay. Nothing says "here is my douche bag subpoena to be me made fun of all season long like a shitty team name" amongst co-workers.

Once we start talking about the league with your buddies...the stakes get raised. You've got to come strong or simply submit to being the designated as the "mangina" of the league. Censorship is out the window in these leagues and like an interview for a job, you only have one chance to make a good first impression.

Now, I've heard and seen some great names floating around this here internet from time to time. Here are a few examples of such names of which I will take NO credit for; 3rd and Long Duk Dong, Shartzilla, Air Tight Rape, Romancing the Bone, DBL Perpetrator, Good Touch/Bad Touch, Cuntstick, Open Wound, Optimus Cock, etc. These are all GREAT examples of a team name and could be used with discretion if you see fit in your own league.

However, remember the last thing you want to do is come off as un-original. For me, I use the "OBCO" method when I name my Fantasy teams. Have an ORIGINAL, BOLD, CREATIVE and hopefully OFFENSIVE team name. If your team name sucksa€¦chances are your team is going to suck, it's just a fact. The name should come to you in lights, kind of how Eddie from Torrance explained the name "Dirk Diggler" to Jack Horner and Reed Rothschild. You'll know the name when it hits you, it will just feel right.

Um, for the record any name from "Boogie Nights" should now be off limits due to being played out. And that gets me onto the notion of DO NOT ever use the same theme or copycat somebody else's team name/idea. Credibility lost. For the record, several years back I used the name "Chest Rockwell" and one year we let a new guy into our league and he straight up ganked the notion and used "Dirk Diggler" as his name. It was a long season of shame for the offender.

Lastly, once you have your name, just fucking stick with it. If you failed miserably the first go round...start prepping for next season to get it right. You totally deserve the "dude you need to douche your pussy" jokes all season long. Sporadic name changes only serve the notion that your team sucks and you have ZERO creativity.

And so with that, we're off to hit the think pad and establish the perfect name for this year's teams. Best of luck with your league and your team name. As always, comments and name suggestions are very welcome below.Subscribe to us

The Allen Iverson era for Detroit begins tonight in Toronto. And for those wondering what would happen between Iverson and Rodney Stuckey for that all important jersey #3...it's been settled. The NBA simply wouldn't allow jersey changes in mid-season and if Iverson sticks around or if the Pistons keep him around next season -- he'll have to wait to open the checkbook until then.

For now, he'll have to settle for the jersey that reads #1. Initially, this means nothing. So what, it's just another jersey number and who really cares all that much? Well, the one coincidental thing to consider is that #1 belonged to a Piston legend. Yup, the same Piston legend that just got traded to Denver, Chauncey Billups.

Apologies here if I'm picking a meaningless scab, but I can't help to think that Billups deserved a little better. I'm sure Billups could give two shits about the number and it's not as if the Pistons were going to raise his jersey into the rafters later this season. That said, it means something and it just ain't right.

Billups gave the Pistons all he had and then some throughout the course of his stay. As obvious as it was that he could no longer help the Pistons get over the hump, it still doesn't warrant dishing out his number to the next guy that steps in the locker room. Is this a potential jinx? Nah, probably not, but I just feel like the organization should've at least put Billups number to rest for this season. Then again, what other choice did they really have?

Shit, they couldn't supply Iverson with his traditional #3 and they weren't going to give him #4 or #11. So, I guess that's just how things roll. Yeah, I'm just picking at a scab right now. However, for years Chauncey meant everything to this organization and it's just tough love in this business. That said, it's almost tip-off and moving on - let's welcome the new Chauncey or the new #1 for the Pistons Allen Iverson. Right or wrong on the jersey...who knows?Subscribe to us

One of my random imeem buddies sent me this epic Bruce Springsteen playlist yesterday, so let's ring in the dawn of the world's first beige president with pride. Despite the hangover, this whole thing feels pretty special and I think this will be a positive transition not only for the US, but for the globe.

Driving back from lunch yesterday, two of my good buddies and co-workers, one from India and the other from Ecuador, asked who I planned to cast on my ballot. I responded "Obama." Neither being able to vote themselves, responded, "Good, becuase otherwise we would have thrown your ass out of the car right here and left you to walk home."

Bruce Springsteen - The BossSubscribe to us

If there is one benefit of the fanhood of a miserable sports franchise, it would have to be Halloween. When a team sucks to the colossal level that the Detroit Lions suck, the possibilities are endless. Not only do the legendary costume party appearances by Jon Kitna and Roy Williams provide some great laughs, but there are dozens more - many of which are very easy. So, here's a sampling of ideas, just in time for um, next year?

Why bother even getting excited for the Lions game this weekend...right? Well, for one it's not going to be blacked-out, because thankfully they are on the road this weekend. And they are heading over to Chicago for an afternoon tilt with the Bears. You might recall the last time out the Lions turned Kyle Orton into the 2nd coming of Peyton Manning.

Well, Orton took that confidence and continues to ride with it. The Lions actually went into Soldier Field last season and won a hard fought - DEFENSIVE - yup, defensive game. Ironically, that also done on the grind and legs of Kevin Jones, who now happens to be a 2nd stringer on the Bears. Still though, if you'd like to toss a wager on the table and can find the odds - I'd almost bet the house that Kevin Jones gets a Touchdown this week against his old team.

And let's not kid ourselves, despite his terminal knee - Jones could probably sneak in a vulture TD if he were in a wheelchair. Ahem, you can gather I'm not all too confident about that Lions defense. Really, Sunday is just a formality for the Lions. Yes, a stepping stone on the route to perfecting imperfection. Does that make sense?

Well, what I mean is this season is no longer about pride or talent evaluation. It's about proving that a team can claw, scrape and fight to win ball games and still - yes, still go 0-16. All this talk about who would win between the Bengals and Lions or who is the actually the worse team. The answer my friends is quite simple, the Lions are the worst team in the NFL.

Am I ashamed, nope. In fact, I'm rooting for this continued imperfection all the way until the end of the season. Look, what purpose does 6-10 or 5-11 really serve you anyhow? If you're gonna lose - you may as well distinguish yourself. We would always hear - the last 0-16 team was the Detroit Lions. It would live on and on, that's our only hope at a legacy.

So, if you're looking from my bold prediction it's not pretty, but...

Bears 27
Lions 14

Deep. Deep. Sigh.Subscribe to us

We'd all love to believe that these Pistons are still that fun loving bunch that plays hard, plays the right way and just wins 'Ships. Allow me to welcome you to sobering reality and 2008. It's been 4 years since the Pistons were crowned the kings. They've gone from oh, who are those guys to ugh, not these guys again. Yes, I'm a die hard Pistons fan and even I know everyone outside of Detroit is sick of them.

My apologies if you're not on board with the concept that most casual NBA fans would just as soon see this team crumble and vanish from the foreground of the Eastern Conference. Well, tough shit sometimes this is how it goes. You know the drill about this team, they've been to SIX (count 'em) SIX straight Eastern Conference Finals. However, only twice have they advanced to the Finals and only once have they captured the Trophy.

In that time they've gone from up-n-comers with a chip on their shoulders to an arrogant often self-righteous group that has always believed in this imaginary switch they could turn on and off. Seriously, it's all we've heard about since 2005. Yes, we get it - you guys can turn the energy on and off when you so desire. Unfortunately, that "imaginary" switch is running low on power guys.

In this mini era of dominance (let's face it - this ain't dynasty) they've gone through three coaches (Rick Carlisle, Larry Brown, Flip Saunders) and are entering this season with their fourth coach this decade alone, Michael Curry. Somehow, this is supposed to convince us that despite being a "great" core group of players, it's the coach that can make all the difference. Hmm.

Also, during this time they let an NBA Finals slip through their fingertips by leaving Robert Horry wide open to steal Game 5 and the momentum of the 2005 NBA Finals. A win in that series surely would've cemented the legacy for this era of Piston Basketball. Yet, that wasn't meant to be. They've also watched a couple inferior, yet hungrier teams (Miami in '06 and Cleveland '07) TAKE, yes TAKE the Eastern Conference Finals from them. Save a few mental lapses and perhaps, they could've at least taken Boston the distance last year.

Then again, why cry over the past? It is what it is, simply put. What hasn't changed all too much during this run is the "core" players, as mentioned. Sure, they were glad to see Ben Wallace flee out of town just as he hit his downslope, but the mainstays Chauncey, Rip, Sheed and Tayshaun still linger. In some cases, you'd say that's a good thing, maybe even a GREAT thing. However, with this group you have to wonder if their time together is simply spent.

"Where do we go now?" - should be the theme of the 2008 Pistons. And let's face it, really there's only one of two directions they can go. One would be back to the Finals to FINALLY seal the deal or two to falter and fall back into mediocrity amongst the Eastern Conference. However, to predict any such season for this team is damn nearly impossible.

This team has oh-so many questions lingering over them before the ball even tips. And really who gives a damn about this regular season, because for this group - it hardly matters. Joe Dumars has made it abundantly clear that this season and every season is all about going after Championships and NOT 4th place finishes. Easier said than done.

A year older and perhaps, a year worn from trying to climb the mountain and failing yet again. The main question that will linger and haunt this Pistons team all season is their legacy. Championship windows in any sport do NOT stay open very long. The Pistons window is running against father time and if they can't answer the call this year, that legacy of which we speak has already christened to be dubbed the Atlanta Braves of the NBA.

Is this fair? Probably. Look, this team has given so many great memories over the years and I hardly intend for a Season preview to be an obituary, but facts are facts - it's win NOW or ELSE! Basically, we can't really be sure what we're going to get with the Pistons this season. That "core" group is older, the youth movement is expected, but what if they aren't ready?

On the one hand you could take the safe route and predict 50+ wins and another Central Division title. Or you could say it's the end of an era they struggle to win 45+ games and finish third in the Central. There are just way too many scenarios for this team. And really, I'm just ready to watch it unfold. And here's to moving into the great unknown for another season of DETROIT BASKETBALL!!!Subscribe to us

Man, just as we started getting a little optimistic for the future, the news breaks today that the Lions are entering contract negotiations with freaking Daunte Culpepper. Granted, the man is a staunch negotiator and undeniably handsome, but he has the mobility of a Buckingham Palace guard.

It was first reported about 45 minutes ago by the Free Press that Culpepper canceled his trip to Kansas City in favor of a workout in Detroit. ESPN is now reporting that Culpepper and the Lions are entering early-stage negotiations. This makes absolutely no sense from a rebuilding phase (or just "building phase" I suppose, since the Lions ain't never been built in the first place). Culpepper will likely cost the team in the neighborhood of $8 to $10 million for two years and considering he can't move, this isn't exactly a bargain.

Stay focused Detroit; let's eat the season and just move on. Turn the ball over to Stanton for the rest of the season and give him a chance. Come next year, let's focus on getting a franchise QB...

There is only one suitable outcome for the Lions 2008-2009 season, a perfect 0-16 season. We finally rid ourselves of our Ahab and the mutiny will only end rightly with the perfect storm. The defeated season sets the perfect backdrop to our quest for a winning season.

I want the 0-16 season so bad I can taste it. I want this disastrous, never-ending era to close with the worst season in NFL history with the Matt Millen era immortalized as the worst mismanagement in the history of sports. The worst team ever.

In doing so, the Lions are not just spraying Febreze in Millen's office to over up his lingering stink from his rotten ass and B.O. Jackson body odor, it razes the whole damn building erasing any acknowledgement that he was ever there.

Then we can finally move on. We already made what I think might have been the best personnel move in Lions history by trading Roy Williams for a bounty of draft picks. To get 3 drafts picks, including a #1 for a quality receiver is a lopsided trade in the Detroit's favor. If you haven't noticed, the Lions have a better one anyway and Williams had begun turning himself into a cancer for the Lions. The Lions do not need guys second guessing the game plan and making issues about play calling, formations, and targets. That trade begun the rebuild. And for once, I don't think we are talking about a Lion's annual rebuild, I mean a real rebuild from the ground up - one that is going to work.

The next step is the coaching decision. I think this time, we need a proven NFL coach. While it's too early to make any real predictions on availability, it's pretty uch a forgone conclusion that Marineeli will be gone. I cannot see how after the horrible job he did instilling that train wreck Tampa 2 defense, why he would return. I'd even be surprised if he lasts the rest of the season. While I do not normally support mid-season NFL coaching changes like the Lane Kiffin firing, in this case you might as well cut the cord and start moving forward. Obviously this season is over for the Lions, so you might as well make the coaching change and treat the rest of the season like practice. What's to lose.

I would not claim to really have an educated stance on the candidates, but I love the Bill Cowher suggestion that has been tossed around from time to time, particularly in the context of a coach and Gm package deal. We have seen enough bullshit attempts at high-falutin' West Coast offenses. Let's get a hard nosed program with a running game and a bad ass defense. Let's be serious, this is Big Ten country, with the Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, and Minnesota Vikings. Who needs a spread offense, run and shoot, west coast, or whatever other name du jour you wanna slap on it. Let's get a real football team.

The other key ingredient, which needs to happen this year the selection of our franchise quarterback to lead the Detroit Lion's for the next 10 years. This is a one time decision and there will be no more Harringtons, Kitnas, Peetes, or Wares. We need the guy that every god damn sports fan in Michigan owns a jersey and the posters go on every kids' wall. I want Colt McCoy. I'm actually sitting in the Austin airport as I type this and I believe this is our guy. Call it a feeling. McCoy has more talent and leadership than I remember in a college player really ever. While they say he wants to stay in Austin for one more year and thay he may not have the arm strength to be a great NFL QB, I'll take the 80% completion rate and worry about adapting from there. We'll just have to wait and see come draft day if he is available. Plus, he has the greatest name for a gunslinger in the history of the game. I apologize to the state of Texas for taking your boy, but McCoy should be a Lion. We need him.

So, take pleasure in our pain one last time NFL fans, because this historic 0-16 disaster is all part of the plan. Mark my words; the end is here. As we sit and watch from the absolute trough of the curve, there is nowhere to go but up. The Lions as you know them will only exist for 8 more weeks, so let's all watch and laugh. And then get excited, because it's finally gonna end.Subscribe to us

With the "BIG" game fast approaching...I'm taking a deep look at just what this all really means. Honestly, never has a game like this meant so much, for so many utterly stupid reasons. We get it, Michigan is in a down year and State remains somewhat of an enigma. However, the reality that soon sets in - is that if State can't win this one, they're never gonna beat Michigan. So, let's just tap it right off the bat and let me explain to you why Michigan will finally friggin' lose to State.

And believe me - I've been waiting since 2001 for this weekend.

Laws of Nature: Yup, it's just about time that Michigan State waltzed into Ann Arbor and left with a victory. In fact, the Spartans haven't won in the Big House since 1990. Yes, your eyes do NOT deceive you a€" that's going on 18 long years. Ouch! Well, if ever a Michigan team was ripe for the pickens and vulnerable this is it. Streaks are just meant to be broken and although State has flirted with winning at the Big House maybe once over that time, the gut says this is it.

Rich Rodriguez is an Idiot and a D-Bag: Congratulations Michigan you completely revamped the Football program after another "supposed" disastrous season under Lloyd Carr. You opted to toss aside your old school stagnant offense, stale thought process, along with part of your tradition and hopped into bed with Rich Rod.

How's the spread offense treating you thus far? Oh wait, I know a€" Rich Rod just needs to get bring in "his" guys and then the system will make sense. The one problem is nobody in there right mind can honestly think Rich Rod will be around long enough to flourish if the once proud University of Michigan program fails to even qualify as Bowl Eligible. One can accept taking a step back if it means eventually taking a greater step forward. However, under the Rich Rod era a€" the program hasn't taken a step back a€" it's fallen backwards on it's ass into a ditch.

Of course, at least when Rich Rod leaves offices vacant it's a smooth transition. I mean he left very little mess at West Virginia a€" oops a€" I've hit a sore spot. Yup, Rich Rod is the complete opposite of anybody you'd ever imagine to coach Michigan. And just happens he's the complete opposite of Mark Dantonio. Just another reason why Michigan will lose.

Javon Ringer Won't Be Stopped: Senior season a€" one last chance to FINALLY beat Michigan. Do you think Ringer isn't up to the task? Coming off his worst game of the season a week ago, the Wolverines will simply have no answer. He'll punish the Michigan defense the same way Chris Perry and Mike Hart to name a few have done to the Spartans in their final game of the rivalry in the past.

Michigan Sucks: They do. Plain and simple. If we thought Appalachian State was the apocalypse, how can we can we categorize this season? They're 2-5 and the outlook is no brighter down the stretch. After the Michigan State game, three of their next 4 games are on the road. And the lone home game is against #22 Northwestern. Seriously, 2-10 is not out of the realm of possibility. Years from now Toledo players will always be able to brag that they beat Michigan at the Big House. Oh yes, who could forget the amazing comeback against Wisconsin, but wait the Badgers suck too!!!

Michigan Fans are Fair Weather and they're Still Assholes: Silence. Crickets. That's what you hear from Michigan fans this season. At first it was excuses like "oh, we are in a transition period" or "we don't have the talent." All the while, don't lie Michigan fan, despite the loss of the famed Senior class a€" you fully expected to at least be fighting for a Bowl Game. Yet, now that filthy swagger and arrogance is gone. Hail to the victors my ass. Most Michigan fans have taken on the usual Spartan response "I don't care a€" I just drink for the games." Yeah, sure of course you don't carea€¦LIAR!

They Simply Deserve to Lose: If exhibits one through five weren't enough I can't help. This is for all the bull-shit Spartan fans have had to endure over the years. Simply put, fuck being the step-brother a€" we're gonna win this game. You damn well know you don't deserve it and therefore we'll take it.

Rant completea€¦Fuck Michigan.Subscribe to us

Now that the unthinkable finally occurred (no, Pizza Hut did not build a pizza box made entirely of cheese... yet) and the Detroit Lions finally parted ways with the worst front office personnel man in football history, Matt Millen, Rod Marinelli's days are undeniably numbered. Obviously, us GoWF boys cannot resist an opportunity to chime in with some ideas. In reality, I'd love to see Cowher in the spot, but today were looking at some other good candidates, our favorite coaches from football movies.
The Long Shots
Tony D'Amato - While D'Amato certainly had the fire in his belly, his age and inability to put front office fatcats in their place, make him an unlikely candidate for the role. D'Amato struggles with keeping his game modern, so owners worry about his ability to adapt to the modern game. Finally, with new management on the way, it's too risky to hire a coach with a track record of succumbing to top brass demands against his better judgement.
Coach Klein - While Coach Klein built a sturdy reputation for discovering talent in even the strangest of places, the Lions are looking for a bit harder nose. Klein is known to get intimidated easily when facing big name coaches and must win games. Plus, this movie just sucked way to bad.
Molly McGrath - Women in jobs traditionally held by men are all the rage these days. The Lions thought maybe they could at least land one stinking Monday Night Football game if they pulled a publicity stunt like hiring former Wildcats' head coach, Molly McGrath. McGrath does not have a whole lot of coaching experience, but she still looks pretty damn good despite being in her early 60s.
The Short List
Bud Kilmer - The man could certainly motivate. He got players to play for him despite being hurt. Sure, he was a little insane and probably drove a wedge through one of the best team's the State of Texas High School Football circuit had ever seen, but you gotta hand it to him - he got the most out of his players. Shit, he has a stadium named after him and he didn't buying with the money he saved by firing all his automotive industry employees.
What could he do for the Lions? Wonders, I tell you, wonders. He's an old fashioned ball coach who'd certainly keep the ball on the ground, but he'd bring a pedigree of toughness to the organization that's sorely been lacking. And would he alienate a few folks along the way? Yes, but so friggin' be it - the Lions are team in need of tough love and we all know Bud Kilmer can deliver just that.
Coach Harris - While it would be nice to land a coach with some pro coaching experience, scouting is at the top of the list of root causes for the Lions over the past decade. Coach Harris brought in top recruits to the Adams Atoms in All-American quarterback Stan Gable, first round defensive lineman, Fred "The Ogle" Palowakski, and speed receiver, Danny Burke. Harris also brings an the aggressive, no bullshit personality the Lions need to right the ship in a hurry. Ultimately though, questions about Harris' character will likely keep him out of serious contention for the head coaching job, as Harris made national news for a widely publicized pep rally fight with a number of Adams students.
Jimmy McGinty - McGinty has a nice resume having turned a team of replacement players into a very good football team during the pro football strike of 1987. McGinty also earned praise from the Lions organization for developing a has-been quarterback into a leader in Shane Falco - clearly of pinnacle importance to the current Lions' roster. McGinty has all of the right credentials and experience, but he already retired once and his eyebrows and ears are starting to look like sleeping cats. In other words, he's too old.
Sign Him Up
Ed "Straght Arrow" Genaro - Straight Arrow Genaro really offers everything the Lions need. He took a chance on a quarterback that nobody believed in and turned him in to one of the top passers in the NCAA. He works hard with his receiving corps and does not give up on them as illustrated by the stunning development of Featherstone after struggling with drops for the better part of the season. They turned a haphazarrd group of roustabouts into a formidable defense with incredible linebacker play. Finally, the most impressive feat however, which addresses the Lions Achilles heal, is Genaro built a tremendous offensive line with zero scholarships.





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1) Aaron Rodgers is the third highest scoring player in the entire NFL.

2) Lee Evans is averaging 27 yards per reception.

3) Of the top 25 scoring wide receivers, only seven were generally drafted in the first four rounds (Fitty, Wayne, Andre Johnson, Brandon Marshall, Boldin, TO, and Housh)...

Speed. It is the great equalizer. Be you small or large, black or white, rich or poor, football or futbol; if you're fast (and a video game athlete), we love you. This one goes out to all those terrific speedsters throughout the years who led the league in seven categories, played both ways, and ran up scores on a daily basis: the fastest players in video game history.

Theoren Fleury, NHL '94 - While I'm sure Steve Yzerman, Jeremy Roenick, and Don Sweeney would have something to say about this, Fleury was at times the smallest player in the league, yet he destroyed everybody. Nobody really knows why he had this amazing checking ability in the game, but he was bad as hell and in this not really humble opinion, the best player in the game.

Check out Theo scrapping in USSR versus Canada juniors in an absolute gang fight. Honestly, if you have never seen this, it is a must see.



Vince Coleman, RBI Baseball a€" The number six on the all time stolen base list is by far the number one on the video game list. Coleman was lethal for the two-player game, because you could taunt your opponent with unfair contests of pickle and hit homers off a bunt.

Skinny Guys, Nintendo Hockey a€" While they couldn't fight worth a damn and their shot was the speed of a glass of wine spilling in a carpet commercial, the little guys could skate.

The QB in John Elway's Quarterback a€" I forget if this came from a secret code or the Game Genie, but you could make these guys flat out fly. We're talking about "when you use somebody else's mouse who keeps it on ludicrous speed and then you try to highlight a few rows in Excel" fast. While John Elway's football otherwise sucked, when you turned up the juice, this was one of the best video games of the early Nintendo days.

Michael Vick, Madden '07 a€" Check this out. There is a site called Madden Tips with a section called "How do you stop Michael Vick?" Good lord that conversation is intense. You mean you don't just run Monster Blitz every down anymore? Anyway, Vick is damn near unstoppable as he is faster than Chinese delivery and throws lasers on the run.



Demarcus Beasley, FIFA '08 - I confess, I used Google for this one, but the intentions were good. I wanted a nice diverse list for all sports fans to enjoy. I really did used to play FIFA all the time and it ruled, but all I really remember is Argentina was damn fast, but no particular players. So, instead you get Beasley. According to the video game forums, he is fast as hell as long as you don't hit up the updates (then he's injured).

Bo Jackson, Tecmo Bowl or Bill Walsh College Football'93 a€" From team obvious, we could not leave Bo Jackson off the list. Everybody knows about Bo's Tecmo skills, but he's underrated in Walsh.



Barry Sanders, Super Tecmo Bowl a€" Could we get a moment of silence for the career that got cut short? There should have been so much more, but at least we'll always have Super Tecmo.

One last YouTube, because this guy has some nice moves.



So who else should be one here?

Author's Note: Is it not a little weird how much time people spend videotaping themselves play video games?Subscribe to us

Thanks to a dirty habit of reading the AM New York on the subway in the morning (which is promptly followed by reading USA Today on the train), I noticed Chuck Klosterman was slotted to read at the Union Square Barnes & Noble this evening.

Generally speaking, book readings are sort of weird - the primary reason being because they often take place in a bookstore... with a podium. Ever hear of a bar? Nevertheless, I popped in at 7 pm prompt and despite being amongst what I would estimate at 150 people, I got a seat up front.

Chuck came out, made a crack about deciding if he should walk up the stiars or the ramp, rattled off a funny anecdote about iPhone's being equipped with crappy versions of every phone application known to man/woman, and cracked open the cover of his new book, "Downtown Owl." Unbeknownst to me, the book is actually Klosterman's first attempt at a full length work of fiction, which is great news. Not wanting to reveal too much about the characters or confuse the fact that it is really based on three primary characters, he chose to read one chapter about a peripheral character, a gym teacher whose vice is impregnating high school girls.

The writing felt much like his personal writing, but obviously sans the herba buena induced internal dialogue and replaced with fictional character dialogue. The charm is the same and the reading piqued the interest level for sure. I did space out for a while wondering if I read this book, how weird it will be to get to the chapter a) I already heard read aloud and b) if I will visualize the exact surroundings of Barnes & Noble (primarily the instructions on getting an autographed copy of the book that are neatly adhered to the back of every single seat).

The best part of seeing a book reading or the like is hearing the bonkers questions people come up with at the Q&A.

Of course, some dude asked about Buzz Bissinger, Will Leitch, the Internet, and all that. Klosterman basically said what we all know. Blogs suck because there are too many and most aren't very good. So it goes.

Another guy asked come January, "Who will be the Super Bowl champ and who will be president?" Chuck first responded confidently, "Obama will win, but it's gonna be really close" and then decided on the spot, "Philadelphia will be Super Bowl champs." Good choice, but nobody will be Super Bowl champs in January. The game is actually in February.

One person asked the most impossible question of all time. I actually got nervous thinking that I was at an interview. "If you could go back in time and ask one person a single question, what would it be?" The answer: "Jesus. How did you let this all happen?" or something to that effect. It was pretty hilarious. He went on to describe a game he and his buddies play where they ask random questions and once asked, "If you could call your 15 year old self for 20 seconds, what would you say?" Then he mocked his friends who said "Buy Google stock." I might tell myself to go see the Dead before Jerry kicks the can. Actually, I'd say to buy Google.

Anyway, I always really liked Chuck Klosterman, but I like him more now. He genuinely wanted to stand there and keep answering questions after the B&N host gave him the "2 more questions" cue on separate occasions and he genuinely thanked everyone for coming. It always seems like you know a writer or a musician when you connect with their work, but it's definitely cool when you can kinda confirm it, which is what this reading did today.Subscribe to us

It felt like it was meant to be, a symbolic changing of the guard in AFC if you will. The Meadowlands was unbelievably adorned with Brett Favre jerseys (green ones, blue one, green and yellow ones, and even makeshift spray painted ones), considering the fact that he had not played a single game in New Jersey as a Jet yet. The terrible cliches were out in force, including but not limited to excessive use of Braodway Brett and Jett Favre. And of course, Tom Brady wasn't playing.

When the first drive commenced, Brett Favre looked exactly like the Brett Favre who picked apart my Lions last Thanksgiving with 20 straight completions. That first drive reminded why this guy is so popular. When he is on, he's the best quarterback in the world. The Jets made quick work of the Pats defense, marching right down the field. Then, in classic Jets form, they sputtered in the red zone, settling for a field goal from the 11. Which they missed. And That was the end of the game.

From that moment on, the Jets looked bad. The line which was so dominant just a drive before, couldn't keep the pressure off. The running game, despite a much improved O-Line, couldn't get it going. Brett's best completion came on a tremendous grab by Jericho Cotchery on a towering one-on-one fly pattern only to be called back by a crappy offensive pass interference call. Favre's only TD pass came on a red zone crossing pattern, which was a blatant pick one the defender that they got away with, so I guess it's only fair.

Most reports will say that Cassel outplayed Favre, but that's a stretch. Cassel did little to nothing outside of his first nice drive as well. After that it was the a wholly uninspired game. Favre did throw a disastrous pick though, which was just a terrible throw.

Overall, this was a poorly played game by two teams, but the Pats made less dumb mistakes. Also, Ben Graham's punting was a major contributor as the Pats started most drives inside the 50. I think the big Aussie drank a lot of bloody mary's Sunday morning in hopes of curbing his hangover, because he practically missed the ball on every punt. One actually flew about 25 yards out of bounds.

As for notes about my first trip to the Meadowlands, the dude with the Fireman's hat who does the J-E-T-S chant was amusing, not because he does anything enjoyable, but more so because the kid I sat next to for most of the game was terrified of him. Everytime he came on the Jumbo he would excitedly tell us, "He's on again, look, look." So, finally I asked, "Do you actually like him?" and he matter-of-factly responded, "Not at all, I'm scared of him."

Also, Jenn Sterger seems to have found a new role as Sprint's random in-game, on-field personality, whereby she introduces the cheerleaders before they bust into a routine. It's pretty random and she actually has a pretty bad on-air presence. I think she is actually a decent writer, so not sure why she keeps going this route. She also asks trivia questions to fans and that type of thing. Remember that sweet interview we did with her? Man are we cool or what?


A lot of people give the Meadowlands a bad rap for transportation to and from the stadium. I was actually totally impressed with the NJ Transit system. The train from Penn Station took 10 minutes and then we promptly took the bus for a net travel time of about 45 minutes. After the game, the wait for that bus was slightly on the brutal side, but nothing like what I expected. I'm sure the complaints come more from people who attempt to drive to the game.

In terms of crazy fan stories, I don't have any good ones today, because I was doing the work thing, so we didn't get to tailgate, but it looked like a great parking lot scene out there. Jets fans definitely know how to do it up.

All in all, just a poorly played game, but a grand old time at the soon to be defunct Meadowlands. It always fun to check out a new venue for the first time, unfortunately, I really hoped for a different outcome. Next time, the Jets win this game.Subscribe to us