The Road to Wrestlemania has officially begun and we already know that they two Elimination Chamber matches this year will be for the brands respective titles. I really do hope that the Great Khali as an entrant is a joke and someone else gets a shot. Why not give someone like Justin Gabriel a shot since you had to get rid of Henry, who knows, he might have stolen the show, whereas Khali will just be filler. Sometimes I think the WWE higher-ups are huffing paint most of the time. Anyway let’s get on with the report shall we…
Weekly Top Ten:
1st Place: Daniel Bryan (10/10)
Not too much of a surprise in this one. Bryan survived his steel cage match at the Royal Rumble as we all knew he would. It was a strange situation when Big Show had Bryan dangling there and I’m still not sure if Show was supposed to pull Bryan back in the ring, probably not as that would be quite a feat, but it was one of those spots where it could either be a work or a botch and it’s pretty hard for the audience to know the difference. Another situation like that was when Jericho tried to pin Sheamus in the Rumble, I’m not sure if that was a slip up by Jericho or just method acting, knowing Jericho it was probably the latter, but again we can’t know that. Back to Bryan and the Vegan world champ is coming into his own with a similar style to the S.E.S. version of Punk, but doing things on his own, at least that was until AJ came out again this week and saved her boyfriend from the wrath of an enraged Big Show. Despite AJ’s terrible acting I am actually interested to see how all this is going to play out on the road to Wrestlemania.
2nd Place: Beth Phoenix (9/10)
The same order as on the 411 heel report, which isn’t a regular occurrence funnily enough. It’s hard to deny Phoenix her place as second on the chart when she won three matches this week, one on PPV, a title match on Raw and then a tag team match on Smackdown, talk about pin-up strong. Now of course this dominance is almost solely because the WWE are pumping Beth up for a match with Kharma at Wrestlemania, but that is no bad thing, enjoy the wins now and see what happens after that, at least she hasn’t been given a flatulence gimmick like another certain diva.
3rd Place: Cody Rhodes (8/10)
The third man in is the guy who pretty much did all the work in the Royal Rumble on Sunday, even if he did say so himself. I expect Rhodes to perform well in the Elimination Chamber, honestly I wouldn’t mind it if some terrible controversy happened and the World title match at ‘Mania became a four-way between Rhodes, Barrett, Sheamus and Bryan, I think no matter what the outcome everyone would be a winner in that one. I’m hoping that since the show stealer is going to be Rock and Cena in terms of star power that they will give these Wrestlemania undercard guys a lot of time to just go at it. Rhodes might have got taken out on Smakdown by Sheamus, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t still well on the way to becoming a successful world champ by the end of 2012.
4th Place: Chris Jericho (7/10)
Jericho has finally come out of the closet, and in the process of trolling and confusing the hell out of the audience I think that Jericho has actually succeeded in turning most of his fans against him, both your lay fan who just takes what they see on TV as red, and those on the internet who are disappointed by the lack of climax to Jericho’s interesting actions from the previous month. It was a bit of a letdown seeing Jericho eliminated without any ‘end of the world’ stuff happening. I’m not sure if all that stuff has just been complete fabrication to confuse people, or if things will be revealed in the next few weeks, I’m also unsure as to which would be the better circumstance. If it has all been a ruse then it is clever but where do we go from here? On the other hand if things develop then how do you explain nothing happening at the Rumble in hindsight of Jericho’s proclamation? Either way we will just have to wait and see what happens as the Road to Wrestlemania rolls on.
5th Place: The Miz (6/10)
The Iron Man of the Rumble? Apparently so. The Miz started at number one and stayed in for a dame long time, despite not really eliminating all that many people in the long run. The Miz is in a confusing place in his career, as on the one hand he is appearing on TV shows and having interviews almost constantly, and yet the WWE seems to be apprehensive about giving him another on-air push. They seem to be fine with him being their external spokesperson, but not one of their official main event attractions. Only time will tell if Miz can pull thing out, I personally hope he does as he is actually pretty unique in the world of the WWE.
6th Place: Kane (5/10)
The re-masked machine went at it with Cena and basically came out on top, although more through distracting him with the suffering of others than actually taking him out himself. This whole rivalry really has been completely warped in terms of its similarity to comic book and horror movie storylines, a complete counter to the ‘reality movement’ that is becoming prevalent in the WWE. It could be that the WWE is testing the waters on which the fans prefer, and if they are, I know which camp my feet are firmly planted in. I want to suspend my disbelief while having interesting characters to root for, not watch two-bit writers try to reproduce stories that have been captured and told many times and infinitely better.
7th Place: Wade Barrett (4/10)
The Viper has officially derailed the Barrage and in vicious fashion, perhaps too vicious as Barrett has seemingly lost quite a lot of momentum since Orton’s return just before the Rumble. Barrett not only was eliminated from the Rumble by Orton after an RKO, but he also lost a No-DQ match to him on Smackdown as well. I can see their rivalry taking them to Wrestlemania in a grudge match, I only hope they can do something special with it since Barrett was in a joke of a match last year and he deserves a lot better. I’m thinking a First Blood match, screw the PG rating, this is Wrestlemania!
8th Place: Epico & Primo (3/10)
The tag champs suffered some humiliation at the Royal Rumble in the form of being eliminated from the match by Hardcore legend; Mic Foley, some might see that as an honour, I don’t. Still they also managed to turn back the stern test of ‘Santin-Hoooo’ on Smackdown, wow that was a great idea. I am starting to feel bad for Primo, twice now he has come into his own as a tag team champion only to find himself in a division with no worthwhile teams. It really is a shame that the guy almost certainly will be remembered as nothing but a footnote despite having enough ability to be a decent tag team wrestler. I miss the days of having a compelling tag team division and I hope someday the WWE’s attempts to revitalise the division actually works, but for now it is all minor league.
9th Place: Jinder Mahal (2/10)
Here’s a guy who I just can’t see getting over, there is nothing that the WWE or their audience finds compelling about Jinder Mahal, that is why he is being bounced around between different opponents and storylines, never really finding his place. Jinder needs to work a stable program with someone soon or I don’t think it will be too long before he finds himself ‘future endeavoured’.
10th Place: Natalya (1/10)
Winner in statistics alone, Natalya is currently playing host to perhaps one of the worst gimmicks of all time; she farts, that’s it. Someone shoot the Smackdown writers, please.
2011-2012 Season Top Ten: Overall Top Ten:
1st Place: Cody Rhodes (242/440) – 1st Place: The Miz (763/1440)
2nd Place: The Miz (219/440) – 2nd Place: C.M. Punk (666/1440)
3rd Place: Mark Henry (206/440) – 3rd Place: Chris Jericho (587/1440)
4th Place: Alberto Del Rio (200/440) – 4th Place: Cody Rhodes (479/1440)
5th Place: R-Truth (195/440) – 5th Place: Dolph Ziggler (416/1440)
6th Place: Wade Barrett (184/440) – 6th Place: Alberto Del Rio (395/1440)
7th Place: Christian (148/440) – 7th Place: Jack Swagger (391/1440)
8th Place: Dolph Ziggler (135/440) – 8th Place: Wade Barrett (386/1440)
9th Place: C.M. Punk (88/440) – 9th Place: Sheamus (294/1440)
10th Place: Jack Swagger (83/440) – 10th Place: Randy Orton (224/1440)
Weekly Filler:
The Face-Off: Teddie Long
Well here we are again, another week where Teddie Long is still stinking up the place. I really am not sure why the WWE persists in employing these terrible people as the voices of their company. Both GMs and main announcers are all just plain terrible and need to be removed! The company needs a facelift and instead they just keep up with the same old geriatrics, so decrepit are they in fact that from week to week they can’t remember what the hell they are doing. Long’s reaction to Henry on Smackdown, while clearly a way to write Henry out of the storylines so that he can rest his injuries, was a complete mental breakdown on the GM’s behalf. Why would anyone in their right mind fire one of their top talents for doing little more than raising his voice, something that other superstars do to Teddie Long on a weekly basis. This hypocrisy and inconsistency is what really eats me up about the WWE, just look at Drew McIntyre, surely if anything Teddie Long said meant anything, McIntyre would be gone right now, instead he gets chance after chance. It’s not like I want the Sinister Scotsman to go, but a little consistency and believability please, that’s all I ask!
Face the Facts: Royal Rumble Spots
Whatever you say about the Royal Rumble this year you have to admit that there were some pretty surprising and entertaining spots. First there was Kofi Kingston’s greatly entertaining handstand, which blew John Morrison’s previous Spiderman antics out of the water. That was some great innovation right there and was yet another addition to ways a superstar can survive being eliminated from the match. Then there was the return of Kharma, something that was kept a complete secret from everyone and was a great treat, especially since she ended up going against Cole, who got flattened, plus Ziggler eliminated her and looked like more of a douche doing it, which I think should be encouraged. I for one would love to see Ziggler become really abusive to the divas so that his ‘Show-off’ character takes a darker turn and he becomes a complete misogynist, as good as he is the guy needs some legitimate heel heat, and that would do it for sure. There were all the antics between Mick Foley, Santino and Ricardo Rodriguez, who was pretty much hilarious from his entrance to his exit from the match, and hell he even managed to eliminate Justin Gabriel in the process. Finally there was the winner himself; Sheamus, while it was a surprise to many of us it was a welcome one. Sheamus has been built up all year and was actually sold pretty heavily as a candidate for Rumble winner, so it wasn’t completely out of the blue, overshadowing him with the returns of Randy Orton and Christ Jericho was actually pretty smart on the WWE’s behalf. We’ll just have to see what happens now on the way to Wrestlemania.
On the Rise: Buckingham Brawl
Is it me or is TNA actually starting to get their act together again? Now there are still some tweaks, like getting rid of Sting, Hogan and Bischoff in anything but a cameo role as the mostly unseen overseers, but overall things are looking up. Not only do you have Bobby Roode still as champion, but you have Samoa Joe and Magnus proving that you can pull a team of two floundering singles competitors out of your arse, stick them together, and make them work. Case in point was this week when Impact came from right here in merry old England. The team of Joe and Magnus met the tag team champs; Matt Morgan and Crimson, in a Buckingham Brawl match, which they dominated in. Rightfully so since the rules said that whoever won the coin toss at the start of the match would get to wrestle under tornado tag rules, whereas the other team was bound by the usual rules of a tag team match. Am I the only one that thinks that this stipulation is actually brilliant, it adds lots of different dynamics to the tag team environment and could be made to be a main stay if it had a more ‘American-friendly’ name and more teams to utilize it. I’m not saying that this was ground-breaking or that TNA is the next big thing, but they aren’t so **** anymore, that’s all.
Flat-Footed: John Laurinaitis
That’s right, it’s the other GM from the WWE, this time it is the inept Johnny Ace, who rose up like a lion, only to let out the squeak of a little mouse when he was challenged. First he does nothing as the referee for the Punk-Ziggler match, which made the whole thing pretty much redundant, and then on Raw he almost kissed Triple H’s ass, in a literal sense. This guy is just cringe-worthy and not someone who should be in a McMahon position, how the mighty have fallen eh? Now maybe it seems like I flim-flam on my opinion of Laurinaitis every week, but that is because his character changes every week! Sometimes he seems like a douche who you want to see get his comeuppance, other times he just seems like a dick who you want off of your TV screen, this week he is the latter and I hope that by next week he is gone for good, because if there is one thing I can’t stand it is inconsistency.
That’s all for this week, the Royal Rumble was an entertaining affair, but it wasn’t exactly world changing. Nothing really happened with the Jericho gimmick, Orton’s return basically led to him screwing Barrett, which surely would have worked a lot better if Orton had returned at the Rumble itself, maybe not in the match but outside, distracting Barrett and getting him eliminated in the process, hitting him with an RKO on the floor as he got tossed over. But that’s all in the past now, we must look to the future and to Wrestlemania, which hopefully will showcase some great wrestling from the title matches and sensational moments from the two big draws of the year. We will just have to wait and see, for now this is James Wright signing off.
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