Found February 07, 2013 on Ring Side News:
We are in Jacksonville, Florida and your announcers are Michael ‘Tebow’ Cole and John ‘We Fight on Friday Nights’ Layfield. Michael Cole has an announcement about Vince McMahon’s condition. He is recovering from his surgery on Monday. Cody Rhodes has something to say before his match. He says that they should shut this down because this show is become a complete farce. Cody says that his friend Damien Sandow informs him that a farce is comic work of improbable situations. This is what the Elimination Chamber is setting up to be. It is comical and ludicrous. Michael tells Cody that he has a match with Sheamus. Cody says that his match is not happening until they address the biggest issue in all of WWE. He has been waiting six years to become World Champion. In the Elimination Chamber, you have six superstars who have won and lost the title. You do not have six former champions, you have six failures. Cody demands a chair and he says that he is not going anywhere until Booker T comes out and gives him his rightful place in the Elimination Chamber Match. Cody sits down in the ring and Michael Cole tells Cody that Booker is the General Manager of Smackdown and he is not at Main Event. Cody says that somebody better get Booker T. Cody will not leave until he gets what he wants and he wants Booker T. Sheamus’ music plays and he is definitely not Booker T. Sheamus says that as entertaining as this is, enough is enough. They have a match so he tells Cody to put the chair away and take a Brogue Kick like a man so the people can get what they came to see. Cody says that this has nothing to do with Sheamus. Cody mocks Sheamus (while sounding like Drew McIntyre) and says that he beat Daniel Bryan in 18 seconds and now I’m BFF with John Cena and Ryback fella. Sheamus tells Cody that his impression sucked. They have a match and he doesn’t intend to leave empty handed. Cody says that unless his name is Booker T, he wants nothing to so with him. Sheamus wants to know what Cody wants. He wants to know if Cody wants to play role games. Sheamus asks Cody what would Booker T do if he stepped in this ring. Sheamus channels Booker T and he throws out a sucka. Cody says that he doesn’t need Booker T. He will go higher than Booker T. Sheamus suggests that he go to Vickie Guerrero and Sheamus mimics Vickie. He says that Old Saddlebags has more to deal with than Cody’s crap. Cody says that he has some connections and they owe the Rhodes family some favors. Sheamus wants to know if Cody would go up to the Chairman of the Board, a man who had surgery, and demand a Championship match. Cody says that is what he is trying to say. Sheamus wonders if Cody is out of his mind because we know what Vince would say. Sheamus throws out a You’re Fired. Cody punches Sheamus and Sheamus punches Cody back. Cody goes to the floor and we go to commercial. Match Number One: Sheamus versus Cody Rhodes Cody avoids Sheamus and he pushes Sheamus. Sheamus pushes back and Cody goes down. Sheamus with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Cody with a kick and side head lock. Cody holds on to the side head lock when Sheamus goes for an Irish whip. Sheamus gets Cody up but Cody holds on to the side head lock and he takes Sheamus to the mat. Sheamus with a forearm and shoulder tackle. Sheamus with a series of shoulder tackles and Cody goes to the floor. Cody takes his time to get back into the ring. Cody with punches to Sheamus and then he kicks Sheamus. Sheamus with a punch and forearm. Sheamus blocks a hip toss but Cody avoids a short arm clothesline. Sheamus with a back breaker for a near fall. Sheamus with a hammer lock and sends him into the turnbuckles. Sheamus with a single arm DDT and he gets a near fall. Sheamus with an arm bar and he rubs his forearm against Cody’s shoulder. Cody backs Sheamus into the corner and connects with elbows. Sheamus with a hard Irish whip. Sheamus with a knee drop to the back of the head and he gets a near fall. Sheamus with a suplex but Cody with punches. Cody with a kick and then he charges into the corner but Sheamus with a clothesline. Sheamus points to the turnbuckle across the ring and then he tries to throw Cody over the top rope but Cody skins the cat. Sheamus sends Cody to the apron and it is time for the ‘I wish he would do it to my fellow commentator’ forearms and then Sheamus knocks Cody off the apron with a running forearm. Sheamus goes to the floor but Cody kicks Sheamus in the leg. Cody with punches to Sheamus but Sheamus punches back and Sheamus tries to send Cody into the ring post but Sheamus is sent into the ring post. Sheamus runs Cody into the ring post and then hits a fallaway slam into the ringside barrier and then Sheamus returns to the ring and we go to commercial. We are back and Sheamus tries to suplex Cody from the ring to the floor but Cody blocks it and he drops Sheamus’ arm in the top rope and Cody sends Sheamus into the ring post and Sheamus goes to the floor. Cody kicks Sheamus when he returns to the ring. Michael Cole announces that Alberto Del Rio is suspended for Smackdown due to his actions in the last week. Meanwhile, Cody chokes Sheamus and then connects with a knee to the midsection followed by forearms and gets a near fall. Cody and Sheamus exchange punches until Sheamus gets the advantage. Cody with a drop kick to the knee and then Cody with a running knee to the head and he gets a near fall. Cody with a hammer lock using the knee while he applies a chin lock. Cody turns it into a front face lock. Sheamus pushes Cody away and hits a uranage back breaker and both men are down. Sheamus with two running double sledges and then he runs Cody into the corner and then hits a running knee lift. Sheamus goes up top but Cody with an enzuigiri and Sheamus falls to the mat. Cody gets a near fall. Cody with a kick to the back of the knee and he sets for Cross Rhodes but Sheamus with a snap mare. Sheamus gets Cody up for White Noise and hits it. Sheamus pounds his chest as he prepares for the Brogue Kick and Sheamus hits it and gets the three count. Winner: Sheamus We go to commercial. We are back and are you ready to Fandango? He is coming soon. Damien Sandow has something to say before his match with Daniel Bryan. He begs everyone’s indulgence for a moment. He introduces himself and he says that he is disgusted at the tragedy that we have just witnessed. He says that his best friend Cody Rhodes should be in the Elimination Chamber match. He is more disgusted that the half wits cheered an albino Irishman as he does poor impressions. Damien demands SILENCE. For reasons of good form . . . he stops to thank the fans for their irrelevant opinions (by chanting ‘You Suck’ at Damien). He says that for reasons of good form, he will avenge Cody’s loss by defeating his arch nemesis. Damien calls out ‘Bearded Goat Face’ and he summons thee. Match Number Two: Daniel Bryan versus Damien Sandow Bryan with a kick and European uppercuts to Sandow. Sandow with a kick but Bryan with a running knee to the midsection and a kick to the back. Sandow with a kick and punch to Bryan. Bryan with a flying clothesline and then he sets for the running drop kick to the corner and he hits it. Bryan gets a near fall. Bryan with a head butt. Sandow with a kick to the chest but Bryan sends Sandow through the ropes to the floor. Bryan with a running knee off the apron. Bryan rolls Sandow back into the ring and Kane’s pyro goes off. This can’t be good for Bryan. Sandow with a rollup for a near fall. Bryan with Kicks of No to the chest and then Bryan yells at Kane again. Kane signals the pyro and it distracts Bryan and Sandow with a shoulder to the midsection followed by Terminus for the three count. Winner: Damien Sandow Brodus Clay walks through the back and Aksana stops him. She says that Brodus’ dancers they not good. Tamina tells Brodus that he needs real women. Aksana tell Brodus to hire them. Cameron and Naomi stop by and they tell Aksana and Tamina to get out of here. Tamina tells Cameron and Naomi that they can’t take them. Aksana tells them to ‘Calm down Kofi’. That pisses of Naomi and then Cameron throws some of the food on Aksana and Tamina. We go to commercial. We are back with a look at the situation that set up the six man tag match at the Elimination between the Shield and the team of Sheamus, John Cena, and Ryback. Brodus Clay comes to the ring with the Funkettes. Tamina and Aksana come from behind and attack Naomi and Cameron and they brawl at ringside. Brodus and a referee try to separate these four women and we go to commercial. Match Number Three: Naomi and Cameron (with Brodus Clay) versus Aksana and Tamina Snuka Tamina kicks Cameron and connects with a forearm to the back. Cameron with a wheelbarrow into an arm drag. Cameron dances in the ring and then we see Tamina push Cameron out of the corner. Cameron with a bulldog for a near fall. Tamina drops Cameron on the top turnbuckle. Tamina with a slam and she connects with a few leg drops. Tamina with a reverse chin lock. Tamina sends Cameron to the mat and she tags in Aksana. Aksana chokes Cameron in the ropes and Tamina gets a shot in when the referee was not looking. Aksana with a side slam and she seductively crawls to make the cover and gets a near fall. Aksana with a reverse chin lock. Cameron with an arm drag to escape but Aksana with a knee to the head. Aksana with an Irish whip but Cameron moves when Aksana charges into the corner. Cameron with a rollup for a near fall. Cameron takes Aksana to the mat and Naomi tags in. Naomi with a head scissors and a flip clothesline. Naomi with a drop kick that sends Tamina to the floor. Naomi sends Aksana to the floor. Naomi teases a dive to the floor and then she takes care of Tamina. Naomi goes up top and hits a cross body for a near fall. Naomi with a flying leg lariat for the three count. Winners: Cameron and Naomi After the match, Brodus and the Funkettes celebrate by dancing in the ring. We go to credits. Source: PWInsider.com
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