Jim Gaffigan hopes that his wife Jeannie never appears on the family's injured list.
Gaffigan resorted to gridiron tropes during a recent appearance on "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert," comparing his role as a father to being second on an NFL depth chart. The comedic repertoire of the Illinois native often centers upon family matters -- including his five children.
This week's interview with Colbert, staged to promote his ongoing "Barely Alive" tour, was no exception, as he humorously compared parenting to an NFL team's passing hierarchy. While mothers are "the hero of the story," Gaffigan places himself and his fellow fathers alongside names like Ryan Fitzpatrick.
"Dads are kind of like the backup quarterback in the NFL," Gaffigan said. "You're on the team, but you're not the star. On the rare occasion that you're brought into the game, people are nervous, you know? ... They're good for a play or two, but people are like 'When's the starter coming back?'"
Gaffigan, 57, is well-versed in football affairs, having played the game in college at both Purdue and Georgetown as an offensive lineman.
The backup quarterback comparison is perhaps a multi-layered self-dig for Gaffigan, a devout fan of the Indianapolis Colts: Indianapolis has had a quarterback start every game in a regular season only three times in the past nine years, a stark departure from Peyton Manning taking over every game from 1998 through 2010.
This time around, Indianapolis (3-4) has already lost promising starter Anthony Richardson for the season, forcing them to turn things over to well-traveled reliever Gardner Minshew.
Minshew, mustachioed like a stereotypical father himself, has posted a 61.3 quarterback rating across three games. He's thrown for 1,187 yards and five touchdowns while celebrating two scores on the ground as well.
Gaffigan's Colts return to action on Sunday when they host the New Orleans Saints (1 p.m. ET, FOX). His "Barely Alive" tour hits the West Coast in November alongside fellow comic Jerry Seinfeld at Chase Center in San Francisco.
More must-reads: