Former Giants head coach Tom Coughlin has faced--and won--some difficult challenges throughout his NFL coaching career.
But these days, the two-time Super Bowl-winning head coach is facing a challenge like none other that has seen him decide to make the ultimate sacrifice of love.
Judy Coughlin, to whom the former head coach has been married for 54 years, was diagnosed with progressive supranuclear palsy in 2020, an incurable brain disorder, he revealed in a deeply personal and moving essay appearing in the New York Times.
“As so many of you are gearing up for another NFL season, I will be sitting far from the sidelines, at the bedside and holding the hand of my biggest supporter, my beloved wife, the mother of our children and a grandmother to our grandchildren," Coughlin wrote.
Coughlin's decision to put aside his interests to care for his wife encapsulates the lessons he tried to instill on his players at the college and NFL levels about responsibility, sacrifice, and accountability.
"I am not seeking sympathy. It’s the last thing I want. It’s the last thing that most caregivers want," Coughlin said. "Taking care of Judy is a promise I made 54 years ago when she was crazy enough to say 'I do.'"
Coughlin admitted that becoming a full-time caregiver of a loved one isn't easy, given the unpredictability that comes with the territory.
“Judy’s decline has been nothing but gut-wrenching and has placed me in a club with the tens of millions of other Americans who serve as a primary caregiver for a loved one,” Coughlin.
“Admittedly, transitioning from being with an NFL franchise to full-time caregiver wasn’t easy. It’s still not easy. The playbook is either changing by the minute or so numbingly repetitious, you lose track of time and self.”
As a head coach both at Boston College and with the Giants, Coughlin drew his share of criticism from players and media for what was perceived as draconian schools of thought related to discipline and accountability.
But Coughlin's intent was always pure from the get-go, and to this day, many of his former players have spoken glowingly about how the old-school coach's ways have helped them grow into responsible husbands and fathers.
"I do want the players I coached in college and in the NFL who thought all my crazy ideas about discipline, commitment and accountability ended when they left the field to know that is not the case," Coughlin said.
"The truth is that is when those qualities matter most. A friend said we don’t get to choose our sunset, and that’s true, but I am so blessed to get to hold Judy’s hand through hers."
Coughlin, who founded the Tom Coughlin Jay Fund with his family to provide financial and emotional support to families with children diagnosed with cancer, has seen that struggle up close through the families the organization has helped through the years.
As the Coughlin family faces the gut-wrenching battle of watching their matriarch battle a disease with no known cure, the former head coach is intent on making whatever time Judy has left as memorable as can be.
“I’ve learned firsthand caregiving is all-consuming," Coughlin said. “It is mentally and physically exhausting.
"I’ve spent my entire life preparing for some of the biggest games a person could play, but nothing can prepare you to be a caregiver who has to watch a loved one slip away.”
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