The week in NFL news explained through Christmas music
Okay, do yourself a favor real quick and take a breath. Have you actually thought about the fact that there are only two weeks left in the NFL regular season? We're barreling headlong into the postseason, and there is precious little time left to enjoy Sundays spent on the couch in front of the TV. Well, I guess you could still do that, but it's slightly different without a football game on.
Either way, now seems as good a time as any to take a breath, reflect, and catch up on the news of last week before the tail end of the season. If nothing else, we'll have something to talk about with our weird uncles over Christmas dinner. In that holiday spirit, we've chosen some classic Christmas songs to help explain the week's action.
"All I Want For Christmas Is You" - Raiders clinch first playoff berth since 2002
It's finally happened – and oddly quietly. Despite the Raiders' offensive dominance, their performance this season has kind of flown under the radar, possibly because it has actually matched up with the preseason hype.
They are by far the most penalized team in the league, their defense is questionable at best, and the team is generally very young and inexperienced, and yet, we will see them in the playoffs this year. How can you not root for them? They're fun, plucky, and run an explosive pass-first offense. All they wanted for Christmas was a playoff berth, and now they have it. Personally, I don't want a lot for Christmas – there's just one thing I need: the Raiders beating the Patriots in the playoffs. Please, Santa?
If you missed the night game on Sunday, well, spoiler alert, Ezekiel Elliot had himself a heck of a game. He averaged a very nice 6.9 yards per carry, and racked up a total of 159 yards on 23 attempts. On one of those attempts, he found the end zone and then summarily leapt into the giant red Salvation Army kettle near the end zone. Of course, since the NFL hates fun, he was flagged for this celebration, and was told he would likely be fined. After learning this, Zeke said that he would match the fine with a donation to the Salvation Army in the same amount – and since the only thing the NFL hates more than fun is bad press, they ended up not fining him. Elliot ended up donating to the Salvation Army anyway, and the charity has seen a massive uptick in donations. Hey, a happy ending! How nice.
"Santa Baby" - Refs award Odell Beckham Jr. the most unbelievable catch you'll ever See
Christmas is still five days away, but Odell Beckham Jr. already got a pretty hefty gift, courtesy of NFL refs. Despite all the flak they have gotten, deserved or otherwise, for bad calls this season, they found it within their hearts to award Odell Beckham Jr. with an amazing, unbelievable catch against the Detroit Lions, as seen here.
It's truly the most unbelievable catch you're likely to ever see. Santa really came through for OBJ this year.
"Blue Christmas" Cam Newton flagged even though he was the one hit in the head
Despite a big win over Washington yesterday, Cam Newton might be having a blue Christmas – or more accurately, a black-and-blue one. Remember when he was complaining about not getting calls that other quarterbacks get? Well, last night, Newton scrambled on a play, slid to give himself up, and was then clocked in the helmet by a defender. Per the NFL rulebook, contact to the helmet on a slide, regardless of when the slide begins or whether or not contact is unavoidable, is always a penalty. So when the refs threw laundry onto the field, Newton was probably expecting the call to go his way.
Not so.
After the play was over, Newton flipped the ball at Trent Murphy, the Washington defender that clocked him in the head. Cam got hit with a taunting penalty for his trouble. No offsetting penalties, no acknowledgement of an incredibly dangerous hit, nothing. Well, I'm sure Cam would rather have a win under his tree than a flag, anyway – especially since it keeps the Panthers' extremely tenuous playoff hopes alive.
"Away in a Manger": Texans vs Jaguars was so bad two people lost their jobs
Everything about that Texans-Jaguars game deserves to be locked away in a manger and never seen again. The rest of the analogy doesn't really work for this song, I just think that a dirty, run-down, manure-filled manger is an appropriate place for this game, one that saw the Jaguars bungle away a commanding lead and lose by one point.
Luckily for us, the game was so bad that both the Texans and the Jaguars decided to leave Brock Osweiler and Gus Bradley behind in that trash pile. I don't know if this will solve the problem, or provide any comfort to NFL fans that might have to deal with the Texans winning the division and watching them play in an honest-to-goodness playoff game, but at least it's something. Maybe if we all ask Santa really nicely, he'll make sure the Titans win the AFC South instead.
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