Abby Wambach's memoir 'Forward' will make you want to leap with her

You know Abby Wambach’s name. You know that she’s one of the greatest human beings to ever play soccer. You know that she scored more international goals (184) throughout her career than anybody, men or women. We know the professional Abby Wambach, but even that Wambach we don't know entirely.

"Forward" was written to introduce you to the private Abby Wambach, further inform you of her public persona and take you on a journey with her toward reconciling what she refers to as her two sides. In Chapter 5 titled “Lesbian”, Wambach touches on this very notion. “My astrological sign is Gemini,” she writes, “and I have true twin personalities, always at odds with each other. On my right shoulder perches responsible, dedicated Intense Abby, … On the left, whispering loud enough to fill both ears, is bad, rebellious Chill Abby…”

This memoir is not quite comparable to anything else, and that is a credit to Wambach's sheer honesty and authenticity. She did not write this to place herself into a neat box and ride off smoothly into retirement with a perfect-from-afar legendary image—she wrote it to further break out of any box she has ever been placed in.

We've seen the moment of embrace that went viral between Wambach and her wife, Sarah, after winning the World Cup in 2015. But we didn't see their relationship crumbling behind the scenes, didn't see that they were on their way to divorcing.

We’ve seen Wambach get staples after splitting her head open during a game, we've seen her fight through countless physical injuries to remain dominant on the soccer field. We didn't know the internal demons she tangled with every day and we never heard the internal monologue screaming inside of her.

The world watched when Wambach scored (arguably) the most famous goal in U.S. Women’s National Team history during the 2011 World Cup in Germany against Brazil in the 122nd minute. One of her signature headers. Nobody knew but Abby the personal goals she was setting and failing to make, or ignoring altogether.

In a Sept. 14 appearance on ESPN’s "His & Hers," Wambach said of writing her memoir: “The process by which it took to get to here today was a really cathartic journey. It allowed me to heal. Now that the book is published, I hope that I can go out into the world and help people heal themselves.”

It’s a cathartic read, too, and I haven’t a doubt that Wambach will help many in their own healing process. (When has Abby Wambach ever missed a goal?) I can say with certainty that the book awoke emotions, hopes and monsters inside of me. (Were I to relay in this piece all of the passages I highlighted and notes I took while reading this book, you would basically have the entire book.) I bought "Forward" on Tuesday evening, and I finished reading "Forward" several hours later at 3 a.m. In one sitting. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. Once I read the final page, I wished there were more pages.

She takes the reader with her from the time she was five years old playing soccer for the first time, through discovering her sexuality and her potential on the soccer field in high school and college. She never really fell in love with the game itself—she was just really good at it and became enamored with the attention or accolades soccer gave her. She writes through her personal relationships in painstaking and vulnerable detail. Through her 15 years on the U.S. Women's National Team, where she grew up and made some of the best friendships in her life. She doesn't hold back and takes us with her down the dark road of addiction to alcohol and prescription pills. It is an emotional book sprinkled with inevitably funny moments due to Wambach's bluntly outgoing personality and wicked, mostly self-deprecating sense of humor.

There are two passages that stuck out most to me, though. First, the epigraph, which is a quote from Zora Neale Hurston’s "Dust Tracks on the Road": “There is no greater agony than bearing
an untold story inside you.”

She mentions multiple times in the following pages a desire throughout her life to truly be seen, and a belief that she is unlovable. The reader learns alongside Wambach as the book goes on that worldwide visibility isn't the answer but rather how clearly someone sees you, how clearly we see each other.

The second, a passage from Chapter 6, titled “Rookie”: “The star of the Washington Freedom is Mia Hamm, member of the legendary ’99 World Cup–winning team and the most famous female soccer player in the country. Back in Pittsford, in my childhood bedroom, a signed poster of her occupies a place of honor over my bed.”

I paused after reading this, highlighted it and noted: “I relate to this with how I am a fan of Justin Bieber (don't make fun of me, beside the point) and so many others in the world now, but want so badly to be their equal one day. A teammate, friend, collaborator. Abby made this transition with Mia Hamm. It's possible for any of us. Abby is showing that nobody on this planet is too perfect, too good, to important to hold the hand of somebody else and work together to make the world feel better.”

And that's exactly how I feel after reading "Forward." I feel like I've just gained a new friend. Anybody who reads her memoir will the same.

I'm imagining closing "Forward" and racing alongside her to the corner flag and celebrating the best goal she has ever scored.

Thank you, Abby. I see you.