The Royal Rumble is pure, uncut sports entertainment ... and we love it
There are a great many things that differentiate WWE from pro sports. Its lack of an offseason ranks high among them. Whereas the NFL is coming down the homestretch to its version of WrestleMania and the NBA is in its dog days akin to, say, the few weeks before No Mercy, WWE chugs along year-round. The action never stops for more than a few days at a time.
That always-on nature brings advantages and disadvantages. On one hand, fans can depend on the product being there every week. On the other, a constant supply of programming — and this is without considering all of the peripheral WWE material, ranging from the weekly NXT show to special events like the Cruiserweight Classic and U.K. Tournament — necessarily means it isn’t all essential.
In lieu of an offseason, WWE cultivates seasons within seasons. The most important among them, WrestleMania season, kicks off with Sunday’s Royal Rumble.
The size and nature of the Royal Rumble match allow for countless different stories to be told. On the macro scale, it can be the tale of an underdog surviving against the odds, like Rey Mysterio winning from the No. 1 spot in 2006, or a returnee pulling a snatch-and-grab job, like John Cena returning from injury at No. 30 to win it in 2008. The winner is the big story, but there can easily be a dozen other subplots to keep an eye on. New guys debut, and old guys return. Alliances get formed, and bonds get broken. New feuds are started, and others are revisited.
Last year alone we had AJ Styles’ WWE debut; Sami Zayn’s full-time main-roster debut; the continuation of the Zayn-Owens rivalry; the Wyatt Family teaming up to dispatch Brock Lesnar; the League of Nations (RIP) knocking Roman Reigns out of the match for a half hour, only for Roman to nearly pull off a Super-Cena-style comeback; and Triple H returning in full wrestler mode to make sure he didn’t.
The point is, with 30 competitors and upward of an hour to work with, the Royal Rumble is a versatile tool. It’s an event that lends itself equally well to one-on-one conflicts and multi-man brawls, hosses and acrobats, comedy and drama. The only limits are the bookers’ imaginations. The Rumble doesn’t necessarily require the very best talent to be fun, or memorable, or even legendary. But when it does have premier talent, it stands to reason that a premier match will result.
This year looks to have more talent than most in recent memory. As of Tuesday’s SmackDown, we know the identities of 22 entrants. There isn’t a pushover in the bunch. We have three part-timers who happen to be among the kayfabe-strongest wrestlers ever: Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and the Undertaker. We have all three members of the New Day, any of whom could break out on a singles run, as well as the whole Wyatt Family. We have a couple monsters-in-training, Braun Strowman and Baron Corbin. We have a bunch of babyfaces — Dean Ambrose, Sami Zayn, Cesaro and Sheamus (the latter granted face status by association), Big Cass, Mojo Rawley — and a bunch of heels — Chris Jericho, The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Rusev — any of whom you could make a reasonable case for. Plus, we have a legendary giant in the Big Show.
One should take this with a shaker’s worth of salt since it’s his job to sell the thing, but Triple H shoveled some more coal into the engine of the hype train: “It really is one of the biggest Rumbles I can think of. Sometimes there's a year in the Rumble where you think, 'Okay, I can see this or that happening. This seems like where the Rumble might be headed.' But this year, it's really tough to call. And I think that's when the Rumble's at its best, when you can't really put your finger on what's going to happen.”
No less an authority than Jim Ross, who no longer has a vested interest in WWE’s fortunes, echoed Trips’ sentiments, writing, “This Rumble event is one of the best booked WWE events in a good while…There are really no reasons why this event Sunday should not be a strong night of pro wrestling entertainment.”
The Royal Rumble is a bellwether of who’s who and what’s what. The big prize is a title shot at WrestleMania (and the accordant status as a central figure in the months to come), but it doubles as a State of the WWE Address. Who will be the iron man? Who will clear the ring? Who will be in the final four? Wrestling storylines are famously fickle, so a strong Rumble showing doesn’t guarantee anything beyond, but it’s still fun to get caught up in the imagination. Fantasy booking is constant subtext. The Rumble feeds that beast better than any other pay-per-view.
Looking at this year’s list of entrants again, it’s not hard to get excited. There’s a ton of juice, especially compared to the relative jobberdom of some of last year’s participants (e.g., Tyler Breeze, Curtis Axel, Goldust, R-Truth, Jack Swagger). Some of the fun is sapped from the 2017 edition since we already know so many of the competitors, but there’s still room for surprises. There’s the mystery of who else will enter — a returning Finn Balor? NXT colossus Samoa Joe? Uber jobber James Ellsworth? New Japan six-star-earner Kenny Omega? (editor's update: Nope, not going to happen.) — but more than that, there’s the mystery of what order all these guys will join the fray.
With every entrance comes the countdown, and countdowns are compelling. Every 90 seconds (or so; wrestling is nothing if not a vehicle for bending the rules), the crowd counts down from 10 and imagines who might be standing at Gorilla position. And every time those seconds expire, we’re treated to arguably the best thing in all of wrestling: the entrance pop. The music hits, and the crowd reacts. There’s no time for critical analysis of whether this guy deserves a boo or a cheer. It’s visceral. (Not to be confused with Viscera, RIP.)
The Rumble takes all of the glorious absurdity of pro wrestling and distills it into one big match, like if you took all the grease from a Waffle House griddle and shaped it into a cake. No match requires more suspension of disbelief. Whether wrestlers are bumping for old-timers, killing time with 10-minute rest holds or turning their backs on guys they thought they eliminated, you just have to accept it. It takes the basic conceit of wrestling — sure, it’s scripted, but this is supposed to be fun! — and turns it up to 11.
For my money, it’s the most fun WWE event of the year. It’s an event accessible to wrestling die-hards and novices alike. Sometimes you’ll get a stinker, but a bad Royal Rumble is like bad pizza or bad sex. It’s the playoffs, an all-star game, homecoming weekend and draft day rolled into one. It’s pro wrestling being what pro wrestling is supposed to be: pure, uncut sports entertainment.
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