Mariners name sandwich monstrosity after two offseason additions

Mitch Haniger is a longtime Seattle fan favorite who returned to the team this winter after one year with the San Francisco Giants. Mitch Garver is about to start his first year with the Mariners after winning a World Series with the Texas Rangers last year. And crucially, both their first names rhyme with the second syllable of "sandwich."

Hence, "The Double MitchWich." Haniger's half is a flatbread, containing grilled chicken breast, marinated tomatoes, crispy bacon, avocado and Havarti cheese. Lest you think the avocado might make this item healthy, keep in mind that's it's deep-fried.

Garver's half is inspired by his upbringing in New Mexico, and it's made of marinated pulled pork, sliced black forest ham, Swiss cheese, dijonnaise and sliced pickles, served on Cuban bread. Combined, that's 10 ingredients, three different varieties of pork, two kinds of cheese, two kinds of bread and mayonnaise.

The Mariners say that a portion of the proceeds from MitchWich sales will go to a local hospital, which is admirable. And pragamatic, since consuming an entire Double Mitchwich might send you to the hospital.

Perhaps that's the perfect tribute to the two players. Both have struggled mightily with injuries over the years and had extended stints on the injured list. If you eat a Double MitchWich, you probably wouldn't be able to play baseball for at least 10-15 days either.

Haniger is a right fielder and Garver is a catcher, but history would tell us that they're likely to spend time at designated hitter. Two players, born three weeks apart, who share a love of sandwiches and long medical charts.

Perhaps the Double MitchWich is a metaphor for Seattle's DH spot. Last year, Seattle's designated hitters were terrible, so why not take two beefy sluggers (note: the Double MitchWich contains no beef) and mash them together in a fascinating platoon? It might be terrible, and they might not complement each other, but it's better than a calzone. Or a Canzone. (OF/DH Dominic Canzone, who hit .215 for Seattle last year.)

It's an exciting addition to the stadium food lineup which the Mariners hope will be equaled by exciting additions to the actual lineup. The Mariners have invested in some hard-hitting sluggers and a sandwich that will hit your arteries hard. Let's hope they've also invested in some defibrillators.