NFL Divisional Round watchablity index

During the regular season, we let you know how many times you could stand to get away from any given afternoon slate on Sunday. This isn’t the regular season; it’s the playoffs, when everything is ramped up to the nth degree and whatever other high degrees you might be familiar with. So here’s where I lay out what ridiculous situation would have to play out for you to abandon watching any given postseason game.

Seattle Seahawks at Atlanta Falcons
Saturday, 4:35 p.m. ET/1:35 p.m. PT (FOX)

Dan Quinn was asked this week whether the Falcons would be willing to play tracks from Future in the Georgia Dome to get under the skin of Russell Wilson. He replied that he wouldn’t even consider it. Such an antipathy for righteous owns would be a problem for me if I were in charge of a team, which luckily I am not. If the Seahawks pull off the upset, I lay all the blame on this decision. That or the Falcons having a terrible defense. To their credit, though, the Falcons are having Ludacris perform at halftime.

What Could Drive You Away: A chili cook-off two towns over.

Houston Texans at New England Patriots
Saturday 8:15 p.m. ET/5:15 p.m. PT (CBS)

The main drama here is whether Bill Belichick opts to show mercy for his old cohorts. Based on everything we know about him, the safe money is on no. How many fluky scores off turnovers would the Texans need to actually have a shot at pulling this off? No fewer than four, per my extremely just pulled out of nowhere estimation.

What Could Drive You Away: A preference not to see awful people continually triumph again and again, almost effortlessly.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Kansas City Chiefs
Sunday 1:05 p.m. ET/10:05 PT (NBC)

Kansas City has a less than gleaming record with playoff byes, having gone one-and-done the last three times they’ve earned the right to skip the Wild Card round. That nasty 10-year stretch between 1995 and 2003 has little to do with this year’s team, fans at Arrowhead surely know that history well, and will be quite vocal about the idea of it happening again. Roethlisberger says his foot is fine despite getting rolled up late in the win over Miami. Given that he was 22-27 for 300 yards and five touchdowns in the first meeting, Kansas City could use him at less than 100 percent.

What Could Drive You Away: Lena Dunham has promised to recede from public life but only if you meet her in a baseball diamond in a exurban park and listen to her views on ghosting RIGHT NOW.

Green Bay Packers at Dallas Cowboys
Sunday 4:40 p.m. ET/1:40 p.m. PT

Jordy Nelson’s status remains in doubt for Sunday. If he does play, he may be sporting a Kevlar vest underneath his jersey. The Packers offense likely can’t afford to take 27 minutes off the way it did against the Giants. Dallas has proved it can run well on Green Bay’s offense, which is likely to limit the amount of possessions the Packers will get. Dak Prescott tied Roethlisberger with 13 regular season wins in his rookie season, though hopefully he fares a little better in his first postseason.

What Could Drive You Away: A temptation to track down anyone who filled out the Cowboys bandwagon application.