The most unusual and unexpected depictions of Santa Claus

Remember the Joan Osborn song “One of Us?” Well, if you’re a Gen Xer or an Elder Millennial, you probably do. “Miracle on 34th Street” is kind of like that song, in that it presupposes that Santa, or Kris Kringle as it were, is just a guy working as a Santa at Macy’s in New York. He claims to be the real Santa Claus, though, and the way the film unfolds does seem to indicate this is indeed the case. You know, feel-good movie type stuff. Edmund Gwenn, notably, won an Oscar for his turn as the likely St. Nick.

When Jack Skellington takes on the role of Santa, a unilateral decision on his part, he certainly is atypical for the role. You know, what with being a skeleton man and generally malevolent. Even the actual Santa Claus is a bit different from the norm, though, and certainly his plight is atypical for a Christmas film. Although we are kind of used to a stop-motion Santa, so that element is less unusual.

If “Rise of the Guardians” flew under your radar, fret not. It’s a very silly movie with a goofy premise that it takes much too seriously. Santa is one of the Guardians who protect the world from the Boogeyman. The Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a bad boy Jack Frost, and, um, the Sandman round out the ranks of the Guardians. There is so much backstory and nonsense, and the whole thing can find no purchase in terms of finding anything compelling to do.

Look, we all know Santa lives in outer space and does battle with the Christian Devil over the souls of the children of the Earth. Wait, that’s not the version of Santa you’re familiar with? “Santa Claus” is a Mexican film that popped up on “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” and rightfully so. The movie sees Santa battling with Pitch and hanging out with Merlin. It’s a fascinating mishmash of ideas and myths.

What if Santa were just a guy? You know, a Tim Allen type? At the height of the fame of the “Home Improvement” star, Allen plays a man who becomes supernaturally bound to take on the role of Santa. It’s a mix of family comedy and low-level body horror. Oh, and we also see Santa Claus die in this movie, which is definitely not typical.

Rarely does Santa hang out with stoners in raunchy comedies that are desperately trying not to just rehash all the jokes from the first film. Just like, 75 percent of the jokes are tops. Adding Christmas (and 3-D) into the mix helped on that front. Santa, like Neil Patrick Harris, pops in the third film in the series. He gets shot in the head.

“Stranger Things” did a lot for the child actors from the show, but also for character actor David Harbour. While he’s no movie star, he’s gotten to have a sizable role in an MCU film, played Hellboy in a flop reboot, and gotten to headline mid-budget movies like “Violent Night.” In this action comedy, Santa used to be a Viking warrior, but now he’s, you know, a David Harbour character. Ornery, a little rough around the edges, but ultimately a standup guy. So, when he finds himself delivering presents to a mansion when the family in question is taken hostage by well-trained criminals, he springs into action. Violent action.

Though “Violent Night” was only a modest hit, it completely overshadowed “Christmas Bloody Christmas.” To be fair, this horror film has a much lower budget and was distributed by Shudder, the horror-based streaming service. It was mainly to get more content in the catalog. Technically, the Santa in question here is robotic, but he does go on a killing spree, so there’s that.

Speaking of Santa’s on killing sprees! You don’t hire a professional wrestler like Bill Goldberg to play Santa unless you want him to be violent. Also, you don’t care if the guy playing Santa can, you know, act. “Santa’s Slay” is a slasher comedy (that mostly only manages to be funny in ways it did not intend) wherein Santa is the spawn of Satan and only did all the Christmas stuff before he lost a bet to an angel. Well, that bet has been paid off, and Santa has an itch to scratch.

This 1999 made-for-TV film is pretty bananas. “Santa and Pete” leans on the St. Nicholas element of things. What if Santa went to prison, befriended a cook named Pete, and then the two traveled together to the “new world,” wherein they brought peace to the white settlers and the American Indians? Yes, that is what this movie is about.

Of course, somebody decided to do a “What if Santa had amnesia?” movie eventually! How could that not happen at least once? “Santa Who?” is a made-for-TV film that deals with Santa getting amnesia, wouldn’t you know it, right before Christmas. It should come as no surprise that the actor who plays Santa is none other than Leslie Nielsen.

It’s time for Santa’s son Nick to take on the role of Santa Claus. The only issue? He needs to be married! Sorry, fellas! You aren’t allowed to just focus on your career! In the most uninspired rom-com style imaginable, his love interest, Beth, is a single mom and high-powered advertising executive who has given up on love. The next year, there was a sequel, “Meet the Santas,” about Nick and Beth’s wedding day.

At some point, and for some reason, the “Air Bud” movies spun off into a series of “Buddies” movies. In these films there aren’t really any sports, just a bunch of puppies who can talk. The Santa Claus in this film is pretty typical, and played by George Wendt, but there is also his dog Santa Paws. Santa Paws was voiced by Tom Bosley in his last role before his death.

The Rankin-Bass stop-motion Rudolph film is a Christmas classic. It’s been a television staple every holiday season since it debuted 60 years ago. What makes Santa Claus atypical in this movie? Honestly? He’s a total jerk. Santa is kind of mean to everybody. He’s mean to Rudolph. He’s mad at Donner and his wife for having a child with a glowing red nose. Santa does not come across well in this one.

Did the folks at Rankin-Bass have a grudge against Santa? He’s obnoxious once again here, but there’s more. Santa just straight-up decides to take Christmas off. He gets sick, and then one passing joke from an elf doctor, and he decides that he’s not going to bother with the whole Christmas thing, leaving his wife to get a couple of elves to do Santa’s one job.

“A Flintstone Christmas” has a lot of the touchstones of Santa stories. This time around, Santa hurts his ankle on Fred’s roof, and then he gets a cold, so it is up to Fred (and Barney) to deliver the presents. Sure, Fred Flintstone playing substitute Santa is something, but that’s not why we included “A Flintstone Christmas.” The Flintstones are a prehistoric family. They come from the time of dinosaurs. In short, the Flintstones and all the people of Bedrock predate Jesus. How are they celebrating Christmas?

Quite literally, “South Park” was born out of a riff on Santa. Trey Parker and Matt Stone became known thanks to their second short film related to Christmas. It took off on the internet before things took off on the interview. “The Spirit of Christmas” is a name shared by two short films, but the latter one, from 1995, has since been retitled “Santa vs. Jesus.” It is crudely animated and reliant on iconoclastic, shock-value humor. To this day, that remains at the core of what Parker and Stone do, and it all took off thanks to Santa fighting Jesus.

Halloween is the holiday more associated with “The Simpsons,” but they have done plenty of Christmas episodes. A couple of them have been akin to “Treehouse of Horror” in that they involve multiple, non-canonical stories. One of those stories features Grampa, his once-mentioned brother Cyrus, and Mr. Burns being shot down during World War II. They land on a deserted island, where they also run into Santa, who has been shot down. Grampa tells the story to skepticism, but then Santa shows up at the end of the story.

This is another robotic Santa, but this time he is sentient and in the world of “Futurama,” he is canonically the Santa Claus. Also, he’s evil. Santa was built to do all the Santa stuff, but he views everybody (save for Dr. Zoidberg) as naughty, so they must be punished. Violently, ideally. The Christmas episodes from the original run of “Futurama” are among the best episodes the show ever did.

The core of “Red One” is about Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans as two quippy guys quipping it up while they try to save a kidnapped Santa. That being said, we also have ourselves an unusual Santa Claus in the mix. Oscar winner J.K. Simmons plays Santa as a jacked quasi-bro type. That may seem odd, but it does seem to be of a piece with “Red One,” which we assure you is not a compliment.