Brutal Yet Broken: 8 Elden Ring Bosses Who Needed Love

1. The Red Wolf of Radagon: A Good Boy Gone Bad

Let’s start with the obvious one. The Red Wolf of Radagon is literally just a dog. Sure, he’s a massive magical dog who can cast sorceries that would make Gandalf jealous, but underneath all that arcane fury beats the heart of man’s best friend.

I’m convinced this whole fight could be avoided with the right approach. Picture this: you walk into Raya Lucaria, drop your weapons, pull out some Rowa Fruit, and just start talking in that voice we all use with our pets. “Who’s a good magical wolf? You are! Yes, you are!”

The poor guy has probably been stuck in that academy for ages, just trying to do his job. Maybe he’s lonely. Maybe he misses walkies. All I’m saying is, we never even tried scratching behind his ears before going for the throat.

2. Starscourge Radahn: The Saddest General in Gaming

Here’s where things get genuinely heartbreaking. Radahn isn’t some evil overlord—he’s a tragedy walking on four legs. This legendary general, who once held back the very stars themselves, is now wandering around half-mad from Scarlet Rot, but still somehow caring for his tiny horse Leonard.

The fact that this mountain of a man refuses to abandon his beloved steed, despite being way too big for it, tells you everything about his character. Instead of the Radahn Festival (which is basically a medieval intervention via violence), what if we organized an actual intervention?

“Hey buddy, we know you’re going through a rough patch with the whole Scarlet Rot thing. We’ve got some researchers from Raya Lucaria who think they might have a cure. Also, Leonard looks great—you’re doing amazing with him.”

3. Loretta, Knight of the Haligtree: Duty Before Reason

Loretta represents every overprotective security guard who takes their job way too seriously. She’s a spectral knight doing her absolute best to protect the Haligtree, which is honestly admirable. The problem is, she’s so focused on her duty that she can’t see potential allies.

This screams “workplace miscommunication” to me. A simple conversation could clear everything up:

“Look, Loretta, I totally respect what you’re doing here. The Haligtree is beautiful, and you’re doing great work protecting it. But I’m not here to destroy anything—I actually want to help. How about we team up instead of beating each other senseless?”

4. Gideon Ofnir: The Know-It-All Who Needs to Learn

The All-Knowing is basically that friend who thinks they’ve figured out the entire plot of a TV show after watching half an episode. Gideon’s fatal flaw isn’t malice—its intellectual arrogance combined with a fundamental misunderstanding of the Greater Will’s nature.

This guy lives for knowledge and academic discourse. Instead of immediately throwing hands, imagine walking into his arena and saying, “Actually, Gideon, I’ve discovered something about the Greater Will that contradicts your entire thesis.”

His ego wouldn’t let him ignore that challenge. We’d probably end up having a three-hour philosophical debate instead of a boss fight. Honestly? That sounds way more interesting than dodging his spell spam.

5. The Stray Mimic Tear: Mirror, Mirror

This one’s fascinating from a psychological perspective. The Stray Mimic Tear literally copies you—your appearance, your equipment, your fighting style. But what if you entered that encounter with peaceful intentions instead of bloodlust?

If this creature truly mirrors its target, approaching it unarmed and radiating calm energy might create the most unique boss encounter in gaming history. Instead of fighting yourself, you could have a moment of genuine self-reflection. It’s like therapy, but with more existential dread.

6. Malenia, Blade of Miquella: Love Makes You Do Crazy Things

Malenia is absolutely terrifying in combat, but her motivation is pure: devotion to her brother Miquella. Everything she does stems from that familial bond. She’s not evil—she’s desperate.

The key to reasoning with Malenia lies in understanding her primary concern. Walking into that arena and immediately saying, “I know where Miquella is, and I can help you save him from Mohg” would probably stop her mid-waterfowl dance.

Her entire identity revolves around being Miquella’s protector. Offer her a better way to fulfill that role, and you might just avoid becoming Scarlet Rot fertilizer.

7. The Fire Giant: Eternal Loneliness

Talk about a thankless job. The Fire Giant is bound to tend the Forge of the Giants for eternity, completely alone, while everyone treats him like a monster. This guy has been doing cosmic maintenance work since before your character was even born, and his reward is getting stabbed in the ankles by every Tarnished who wanders by.

Maybe what he needs isn’t death—maybe he needs a conversation with someone who acknowledges his sacrifice. “Hey, I see what you’re doing here. This whole ‘maintaining the cosmic flame’ thing must be exhausting. Want to talk about it? I’ve got time.”

8. Mohg, Lord of Blood: Misguided Ambition

Mohg is undeniably twisted, but he’s also calculating and strategic. His methods are horrific, but his goal—elevating Miquella to godhood—comes from a place of genuine belief, even if it’s completely misguided.

A diplomatic approach here would require careful maneuvering. You’d need to appeal to his strategic mind while offering an alternative path to his goals. “Your current methods have failed, Mohg. But I know ancient rituals that could accomplish what you seek without harming Miquella. Interested in hearing alternatives?”

The Real Boss: Our Own Assumptions

The more I think about these potential conversations, the more I realize that maybe the real enemy in Elden Ring isn’t any individual boss—it’s our assumption that violence is the only solution. The Lands Between is a broken world where communication has failed, but that doesn’t mean it has to stay that way.

Sure, trying to negotiate with these bosses would probably result in getting flattened 99% of the time. But that 1% chance of turning an enemy into an ally? That’s the kind of risk that makes gaming memorable.

Next time you boot up Elden Ring, maybe consider what words might accomplish before reaching for your weapon. You’ll probably still die horribly, but at least you’ll die knowing you tried to solve problems like a civilized person.

Who knows? Maybe in the next FromSoftware game, we’ll get actual dialogue trees with bosses. Until then, I’ll keep dreaming of a world where every encounter doesn’t end with someone respawning at a Site of Grace.

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