Ah, NFL Week 1. That glorious time of year when every team has hope and even the most unwinnable franchises convince their fans that this is the year. Spoiler alert, it’s not. But hey, at least we bettors get to sit back, analyze the chaos, and (hopefully) profit. Below, we’re breaking down some must-bet games along with the NFL’s typical eyebrow-raising quirks. Grab your coffee (or something stronger); it’s gonna be a ride.
“Preseason? We don’t need no stinking preseason!” That seems to be the vibe from NFL coaches who treat August like a glorified kickball practice. Fewer preseason games and starters who treat the sideline like a summer vacation mean you’d better bet these opening lines before the market catches up.
Joe Burrow gets it. Preseason action just isn’t for him. The man has TWO preseason completions in his career, and yet here we are with the Bengals entering 2025 primed for another AFC run. Meanwhile, the Browns’ quarterback situation is a beautiful dumpster fire featuring Joe Flacco, Kenny Pickett, and some rookies who’ve clearly bought into the “participation trophy” ethos.
The Bengals haven’t won a Week 1 since 2021. This year? They’re coming in with something to prove, and I’m laying the points at -5.5 before this line inevitably hits -6 or worse. Burrow might as well trademark “regular season maestro.”
Bill Belichick is a defensive wizard, but putting faith in this New England offense feels about as safe as crossing a busy intersection blindfolded. The total for this game keeps falling faster than my stocks during tax season. Opening at 43.5 and tumbling to 42 (and dropping daily), this feels like a slugfest where scoring might require divine intervention.
Run-heavy offense? Check. Brand-new coaches figuring things out? Big check. Bet the under here and thank me later when this game ends with an obnoxious 17-14 score.
Monday Night Football kicks off with a divisional rivalry in Chicago, featuring the Vikings and their suddenly promising futures market. The Vikings have invested everywhere it counts (offense, coaching, in not letting their QB see ghosts under pressure).
Oh, and prime-time unders still hit 60% of the time over the last six seasons. Coincidence? I think not. With totals that love landing on 43 and 40, I’m taking the under and leaning Vikings ML (+100) because, trust me, the Bears’ prospects are about as promising as my gym attendance.
Three games. Three opportunities to either book huge profits or start analyzing what went wrong before September ends. The NFL season is long, but Week 1 betting is a short burst of calculated optimism mixed with the unparalleled joy of watching chaos unfold. Now go out there, place your bets, and remember to yell at the TV while Burrow calmly dismantles the Browns. It’s tradition!
More must-reads:
Get the latest news and rumors, customized to your favorite sports and teams. Emailed daily. Always free!