Comparing Bengals Opposing Quarterbacks to Dragon Ball Characters

It’s June 24. The Cincinnati Bengals’ season doesn’t kick off for 75 days, and there’s a massive heatwave hitting the Midwest. Why not get a little creative to pass the time? Let’s compare the opposing quarterbacks on the Bengals’ schedule to the most influential anime of all time: Dragon Ball/Dragon Ball Z/Dragon Ball Super!

The Bengals face 14 different teams, and most have, at the very least, a predictable choice to start at quarterback (thank you, Cleveland Browns). Looking through the lens from the perspective of the Bengals, for example, Joe Burrow would be Goku. He’s the hero. When Burrow is on, he looks like he’s Mastered Ultra Instinct out there, especially when he has to lock in.

For example, the Bengals don’t play the Kansas City Chiefs this year. If they did, Patrick Mahomes would be Beerus because Mahomes is, without a doubt, a God of Destruction.

There should be more villains on this list, but, realistically, there are only two quarterbacks, in their current forms, who rival “Goku.”

This is 100% a joke, don’t think too much about it.

Comparing Bengals Opposing QBs to Dragon Ball Characters

Cleveland Browns: Joe Flacco (Master Roshi)/Kenny Pickett (Nappa)/Dillon Gabriel (Goten)/Shedeur Sanders (Pikkon)

The only team on the Bengals’ schedule that doesn’t have an obvious starting quarterback is the Browns. Naturally. So, we had to think up a character for all four possible starters.

Flacco = Roshi. He’s old, he’s a mentor, and he’s pretty washed. However, if anyone who watched the Tournament of Power can attest, he can snag a W or two. Flacco led the Browns to the playoffs after being signed off the street in 2023. Is 2025 Flacco the same guy? We will find out.

Pickett is Nappa. He can beat some low-level teams with a little help, but the second an above-average team comes by, he folds. Pickett has a ring now, just like how Nappa rode to relevance off the back of Prince Vegeta. The Steelers had a winning record with Pickett at quarterback, but was his play the reason?

Then, there are the rookies. Gabriel is a mystery at this point. We know what he did in college, but will he get the opportunity at the NFL level? In Dragon Ball Z canon, that’s Goten. Since he doesn’t do much fighting until the Dragon Ball Super Super Hero movie, we don’t know what he will become. Also, low-hanging fruit, but they’re both short. Shedeur Sanders is Pikkon. Could he be a franchise quarterback? Could he be forgotten? Both are possible. Same with Pikkon. He went toe-to-toe with post-Cell Games Super Saiyan Goku. Unfortunately, he’s not canon.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Trevor Lawrence (Piccolo)

If there is a Dragon Ball Z character who is loved by fans without really doing anything, it’s Piccolo. It’s the same with Trevor Lawrence. Piccolo was introduced as the next big bad, and then that took a backseat as he stopped being evil (to make it as simple as humanly possible). Lawrence was a can’t-miss prospect who, to this point, has not done much. He and his gorgeous flowing locks could be considered, as the kids say, an “aura farmer.” What character across all of anime is considered the biggest aura farmer? Piccolo.

Piccolo vs. Android 17 was a legendary fight, and it’s his only really big moment (pre-Dragon Ball Super Super Heroes movie). That fight is to Pioccolo what Lawrence’s comeback in the playoffs over the Los Angeles Chargers means to the quarterback.

Minnesota Vikings: J.J. McCarthy (Monaka)

This is the most tongue-in-cheek choice on the list. J.J. McCarthy is considered the next franchise quarterback and has had all kinds of hype surrounding him. However, thanks to a preseason injury last year, we haven’t seen anything from him. There’s one character that was all hype with no substance in Dragon Ball Super: Monaka.

Could McCarthy be Cell-worthy in time? Sure. Could he flame out due to three collegiate seasons of knowing the defense’s plays before the snap? Also possible!

Denver Broncos: Bo Nix (Android 17)

Need a quarterback who isn’t exactly the flashiest but is going to get the job done? Bo Nix. As a rookie, Nix wasn’t revolutionary, but he helped lead the Denver Broncos back to the playoffs for the first time since 2015. He wasn’t rattled in the face of pressure and was able to do what he had to do to win.

Last year, he only had two games with over 300 passing yards and even won one game with 60 passing yards. One of the more impressive performances of the year was against the Bengals. Nix went toe-to-toe with Burrow before Tee Higgins put the Bengals on his back and won the game in overtime.

That’s Android 17. In the one time the two fought, Android 17 was able to keep up with Goku in the lead up to the Tournament of Power. He even (spoilers) won the whole thing after some great strategy. He’s nothing flashy, but he’s solid.

Detroit Lions: Jared Goff (Tien Shenhan)

Tien is a respectable martial artist in the Dragon Ball Z universe. He’s one of the best in the ” fight the bad guy until Goku gets here” gang and was part of the reason the Z fighters were able to survive long enough for Goku to get to the battle in time a handful of times. If you can’t have a Saiyan, Tien is a solid pick.

That’s Jared Goff. Is Goff one of the premier quarterbacks in the NFL? Probably not. The former top-overall pick has not been that franchise-altering player, but he’s been solid for both the Los Angeles Rams and Detroit Lions. Will he win a Super Bowl by himself or is it more likely that he will be able to guide the team to success? It’s the same with Tien.

Green Bay Packers: Jordan Love (Majin Buu)

A potentially league-altering quarterback groomed by a wizard to unleash after years of waiting? Jordan Love is Majin Buu. Currently, he’s likely most comparable to the first form we see in Dragon Ball Z. He’s not quite “Super Buu” or any of the variations therewithin, nor is he “Kid Buu,” the purest form of evil in the canon.

Love’s career started after years of sitting behind Aaron Rodgers in Green Bay, and he was finally unleashed to wreak havoc on the league. The potential is there, and it shines through every now and then. If he can continue to develop, the Packers can experience the unhinged greatness that is Kid Buu. But, as of now, it’s still the first form.

Pittsburgh Steelers: Aaron Rodgers (Hercule)

No comment.

New York Jets: Justin Fields (Trunks)

Unrealized potential.

When he is initially introduced, Trunks looked to be a Goku and Vegeta-level ally who came out of nowhere and effortlessly destroyed Frieza and King Cold. He came back for the Cell saga and then again in Super for the Zamasu/Goku Black arc. He never truly got back to the hype of that first appearance.

Fields was a monster at Ohio State. Then, he was drafted by a poorly run organization, and he floundered. With the Steelers, he was decent enough to earn a shot to start for the New York Jets this fall, evidently.

The 11th pick in the 2021 NFL Draft was actually on pace for a career year if he was given a full season to work with the Steelers. Will he finally realize that potential with the Jets?

Chicago Bears: Caleb Williams (Kid Trunks)

The current timeline’s Trunks was a kid up until the Super Heroes movie, and was a ball of potential. As Vegeta’s son, the expectations were high and the audience already got a taste of what Trunks would be.

As of now, Caleb Williams, the former first-overall pick, is a mystery of sorts. He has shown glimpses of greatness, but there have been plenty of rookie moments from him. With the right coaching, Trunks could develop into one of the toughest fighters in-universe. The same could be said for Williams.

New England Patriots: Drake Maye (Gohan)

Another case of potential with a massively high ceiling, Drake Maye, is consistently being lauded as the next big thing. The New England Patriots quarterback was finally given the reins after a few games and despite the losing record, he was a bright spot on what was an overwhelmingly awful roster.

This year should be another step forward for the franchise quarterback. Gohan was supposed to be the next man up when it came to leading the franchise and being the strongest in the anime. For a short time, he was.

Now, if the Patriots can get “Beast” Gohan, look out.

Baltimore Ravens: Lamar Jackson (Frieza)

Burrow’s biggest adversary. Goku’s most famous enemy. Lamar Jackson. Frieza.

There are layers to this one. Yes, Goku repeatedly beats Frieza thanks to the gift that keeps giving: plot armor. In the current manga that hasn’t yet been adapted to anime, Frieza could be argued to have surpassed Goku.

Frieza is a ridiculously frustrating character and such a recurring threat that it’s almost like Doctor Who and the Daleks (yes, let’s mix metaphors).

Over the last two seasons, since Sam Hubbard‘s fumble recovery to lead the Bengals to a win in the playoffs, the Ravens have won four straight games. In the three games with a fully healthy Burrow (he was knocked out of the Week 11 matchup in 2023), the Ravens won by three, three, and one point. The two teams have been so level despite the obvious on-paper deficiencies on the defensive side of the ball for the Bengals. All three of those losses could have gone either way. It could be argued that both of last year’s losses should have been wins.

That’s Goku vs. Frieza.

Buffalo Bills: Josh Allen (Vegeta)

Speaking of quarterbacks even in the same realm as Burrow, you have Josh Allen. Honestly, this was between Vegeta and Broly (Z Broly, not Super Broly).

On paper, is Vegeta stronger than Goku? Probably. For each step forward with Goku, Vegeta is right there. On even footing, Vegeta is nearly able to beat Goku. Side note, technically, neither has won in a one-on-one matchup unless you count the sparring session in the Super Heroes movie.

On the field, Allen could be argued as one of the few quarterbacks who is better than Burrow. Ask Bills fans, it’s obvious. Ask Bengals fans, Burrow still clears. Why? Burrow is 2-0 against the Bills and might’ve been 3-0 if not for the Damar Hamlin game. Burrow went into Buffalo in a snowstorm and came out with a 17-point win.

Miami Dolphins: Tua Tagovailoa (Yamcha)

No comment.

Arizona Cardinals: Kyler Murray (Krillin)

Aside from the short jokes, Kyler Murray is very Krillin-esque. He is a solid quarterback who is memed to oblivion. He can carry an offense and is up and down on a week-to-week basis.

Yes, he’s gotten injured and is not quite on the level of the Saiyan-tier quarterbacks. At the same time, he is good enough to quarterback the Cardinals to relevancy.