‘I miss him’ - On Cowboys HC Brian Schottenheimer and missing your dad on Father’s Day

“I know he’s proud, I miss him," said an emotional Dallas Cowboys head coach Brian Schottenheimer after a long pause when asked what he would tell his dad if he could ahead of Father's Day weekend.

During his first few months as the head coach of the Cowboys, I’ve found it extremely easy to relate to him for a very specific reason.

He misses his dad, legendary NFL coach Marty Schottenheimer, who passed away in 2021. But it’s more than that. It’s the way he talks about his pops. The new Cowboys head coach has talked about his father in multiple press conferences now. You just don’t see NFL coaches do that much. But I get it. Sometimes, I find it nearly impossible to keep bringing up mine in any conversation.

This weekend while shopping with my girlfriend I saw a shirt with way too many flowers in it and immediately thought my old man—who died to cancer at 54 years old—would love it and would act in utter disbelief when we would tell him we didn't love it. Moments later my girlfriend and I laughed at the memory of him playfully mocking her because of her driving. Later in the day, I talked to a New England Patriots fan about how my old man had also rooted for the Pats for so many years. It's not an obsession, but it's easy to be reminded of him and I don't see anything wrong in bringing him up. It warms my heart to talk about the guy. It’s been like that since 2023 when he died.

It’s just part of my daily routine. I like talking about him. Now, I’m not a psychologist or anything but I like to believe I do it in a healthy way. I remember him with a smile and I reflect about him and I make sure not to “avoid” feeling down by shutting off my emotions. I think Schottenheimer is in a similar boat. 

"I would tell him that I used all the life lessons that he taught me—not just about football, but about life and being a good man and a good husband and a good father," Schottenheimer said. "And I think I'm doing okay for myself. But I know he's proud. I miss him like crazy."

Man. As I sit here typing words into the keyboard on Father's Day night, I know Schottenheimer saying he knows his dad is proud of him doesn't come from him being happy about where he's at: Fulfilling his dream of becoming a head coach after a decade's worth of offensive coordinator experience. Rather, it's about him finding peace in the thought that his dad can rest easy knowing he's son is doing alright. 

And then there's the missing. Earlier in the offseason, Schottenheimer admitted he wished he could reach out to his dad for advice. I bet for him it's about football but I bet anyone who's lost a father—specially when he was young—is familiar with the feeling of not knowing any random thing (for me it's been about bills and paperwork) and wishing I could ring him up. 

“I've been thinking about this, really, my whole life as a professional, what I wanted to do," Schottenheimer said back in May. ·"But there's things that come up every day and kind of like, I wish my dad was still here. I'd reach out to him.”

Mostly, I miss talking to my old man and I'm sure Schottenheimer feels the same way. About whatever. It wasn't ever the deep stuff. It was football, work, or that food place he tried once and immediately became his favorite ever (this would change often). Many times it would be about sports betting and what was the play of the day. 

To anyone who lost a beloved father, know Brian's words apply to everyone out there. He's proud. And it's alright to miss him.