Satire Saturday: Former Bears Coach Matt Eberflus Reveals His Real Coaching Philosophy, FLOPS

When asked about the "L" in FLOPS, Eberflus beamed with pride. "Leading at halftime became our signal to implement the 'Lose Second-Half Leads' protocol. It worked brilliantly—just ask the Washington Commanders."

Sources close to the team reveal that "Overthink Simple Decisions" was perhaps Eberflus's masterpiece, particularly showcased in his innovative 'When Should I Throw The Red Flag Flowchart,' which reportedly ran 47 pages long and was partially generated by the Bears' proprietary internal AI system developed by George McCaskey himself.

"The 'P' for 'Piss Off Fans' really separated us from other teams," Eberflus added. "While other teams were aggressively trying to win football games, we were building character through strategic surrender."

As for the "S," Eberflus maintained his trademark optimistic demeanor: "Smiling through defeat became second nature. When you find a way to lose in this manner week in and week out, you need to find your happy place. I think I can speak for everyone when I say everyone at Halas Hall has been pretty happy."

The ex-coach claims his FLOPS system will be his lasting legacy in Chicago, though Bears fans seem to have their own acronym for his tenure: GONE.

Note: This article is purely satirical. Any resemblance to actual Matt Eberflus coaching philosophies that led to multiple blown leads and questionable game management decisions is purely coincidental.