Welcome to Loserville: Guaranteed losses in 2024 for every AFC team

The start of the regular season isn't until Sept. 5 (Baltimore at Kansas City), but we're already daydreaming about NFL games that count.

With teams prepping for mini-camps, we asked Yardbarker NFL writers to dissect schedules and project a guaranteed loss for every AFC team.

Look out, Las Vegas, and welcome to Loserville.

AFC East 

BUFFALO BILLS | at Lions (Dec. 15) | Although QB Josh Allen is 2-0 against the Lions in his career, this matchup comes at an inconvenient time for Buffalo, which has a brutal stretch of games against the Chiefs, 49ers and Rams before playing Detroit. It's possible the Bills could be looking ahead to their Weeks 16 and 18 games with the lowly Patriots by the time their game with the Lions comes around.

MIAMI DOLPHINS | at Browns (Dec. 29) | It's clear the Dolphins don't play well in cold weather, which could prove disastrous for the team because its final two regular-season games are at Cleveland and at the New York Jets. Cleveland should be the colder environment, and if it's 40 degrees Fahrenheit or below on game day, it will be an issue for the Dolphins. Miami has lost its past 11 games when the temperature is that frigid.

NEW YORK JETS | vs. Bills (Oct. 14) | The Bills haven't won their past two road games against New York, something the team is surely aware of and positioned to change. The Jets might not be the inferior team, but Buffalo could be too challenging an opponent to beat just eight days after New York returns from playing Minnesota in Frankfurt, Germany.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS | at Jaguars (Oct. 20) | There were plenty of options to choose from because New England is projected to win just 4.5 games this season, but its Week 7 trip to London stands out. Aside from the travel schedule and time-zone adjustment, the Patriots will face a Jaguars team that won't deal with the same issues, as Jacksonville will be on the second leg of back-to-back games in London. — Colum Dell

AFC West

DENVER BRONCOS | at Seahawks (Sept. 8) | Figure on the Broncos, probably led by rookie QB Bo Nix making his first NFL start, dropping their third straight season opener. Denver has lost two of its past three matchups against Seattle.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS | vs. Bengals ( Sept. 15) | Bengals QB Joe Burrow is 3-1 against Kansas City’s Patrick Mahomes in the regular season and playoffs. Burrow missed seven games with a right wrist injury last season, but Pro Football Focus’ Trevor Sikkema rates him as the third-best QB in the NFL. Don’t be shocked if he earns another statement win against Mahomes.

LAS VEGAS RAIDERS | at Ravens (Sept. 15) | Whether Aidan O’Connell or Gardner Minshew II wins the starting QB job, don’t bank on either jump-starting an offense that ranked 23rd in the league in points (19.5 PPG) last season. Vegas will probably struggle to keep up with Baltimore, which finished fourth in the league in points (28.4) in 2023.

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS | at Chiefs (Dec. 8) | New Chargers head coach Jim Harbaugh should help L.A. improve, but FanDuel gives the Chiefs the best odds (-230) to win the AFC West. Plus, the Chargers have lost two of their past three games at Arrowhead Stadium and five straight against Kansas City. — Clark Dalton

AFC North 

BALTIMORE RAVENS | at Steelers (Nov. 17) | The Ravens have lost seven of their past eight games against the Steelers, and that trend will likely continue in their first meeting of the 2024 season. This Week 11 road game comes at the end of a tough four-game stretch that includes divisional games against the Browns and Bengals, so Baltimore may be hobbling into Pittsburgh.

CINCINNATI BENGALS | at Browns (Oct. 20) | The Bengals will be a much better team in 2024 with QB Joe Burrow returning from injury, but he has struggled against the Browns in his career (1-5). Blame the offensive line for woes against Cleveland for Burrow, who has been sacked 20 times in the six meetings.

CLEVELAND BROWNS | vs. Cowboys (Sept. 8) | The Browns could catch a lot of teams by surprise, but that isn’t happening in Week 1 against the Cowboys. The status of QB Deshaun Watson and RB Nick Chubb — both of whom are recovering from injuries — is up in the air. Even if they do play, they will likely need to shake off plenty of rust first.

PITTSBURGH STEELERS | at Eagles (Dec. 15) | The battle for Pennsylvania has not gone well recently for the Steelers, who have lost two of the past three meetings and gotten outscored 98-54 in those games. This Week 15 road game also comes during Pittsburgh’s brutal final two-month stretch when it has all six AFC North matchups. — Aaron Becker

AFC South 

HOUSTON TEXANS | vs. Ravens (Dec. 25) | Baltimore has become Houston’s new Achilles' heel. The Texans went 0-2 against the Ravens last season, losing by 24 and 16 points, and until Houston can show it can be more competitive against elite teams, this game should be considered a loss for the Texans.

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS | vs. Lions (Nov. 24) | Detroit may just be the worst stylistic matchup on Indy’s 2024 schedule. The Lions throw the ball all over the field and have weapons (WRs Amon-Ra St. Brown and Jameson Williams, TE Sam LaPorta and RB Jahmyr Gibbs) some teams can only dream of. The Colts don’t have enough firepower in the secondary to hold Detroit under 30 points.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS | at Eagles (Nov. 3) | The Jaguars don’t typically fare well against top-tier quarterbacks, as only two of their nine wins last season came against top-15 QBs. Jalen Hurts is a dual-threat QB who presents myriad problems for Jacksonville’s underwhelming pass defense, which ranked 26th last season.

TENNESSEE TITANS | vs. Packers (Sept. 22) | An ascending star QB, three legit weapons at receiver, one of the top running backs in the NFL — this game has disaster written all over it for the Titans. Tennessee’s secondary is improved after adding CBs L'Jarius Sneed and Chidobe Awuzie, but the pass rush isn’t as good as it was last season after losing leading sacker Denico Autry, who's now with the Texans. Plus, the Titans’ run defense will have its hands full against Josh Jacobs, the former Raider. — Michael Gallagher