Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Stoned-Apis

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6/10 – The silent protest couldn’t match how quiet Kasper’s afternoon was. One straight forward stop, a narrow escape, and the rest of the game spent calculating how many minutes this season he’s been standing hands on hips waiting in vain for the opposite net to bulge.

SCRATCHY – 7.5/10 MOTM – The Uruguayan Charlie Manson’s got a bit of dynamism about him. Not sure what I expected but it was less than he produced; intelligent runs and use of the ball, superb deliveries, and he’s got a left boot like a traction engine – fairly lashed that one off the bar. Let’s hope this was just a regular day at the Spahn Movie Ranch for him and not a psychotic episode. If so, KT’s got some proper competition.

TONY THE TIGER – 6.5/10 – The Brickie doesn’t shirk the call – the quintessential fan in a jersey gave his all and almost augmented it with some sparkling moments. But the finesse wasn’t there at crucial times when we’ve previously seen the Ralston killer ball.

OF JUSTICE – 7/10 – A challenge for Liam – up against the SPL’s most complimentary and troublesome strike force. If ever the Ginger Baresi would have his wits tested domestically it was through Susan Boyle’s mezzo-soprano notes and Davie Bowie’s strangely androgynous alter-egos, not to mention trying to work out where those different-coloured eyes were glancing next…

Wait a minute. Wrong Boyle and Bowie.

Yeah… Eh, pace and physicality, that’s it – a handful of a duo but Liam exhibited a reassuring prowess not always appreciated by the casual observer; his anticipation and movement was terrific, mirroring his opponents and allowing him to be on them like white on rice.

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