How Crazy Is It To Think That Pokemon Could Become Food

Farfetch’d – The OG Food Pokémon

I mean, come on. Farfetch’d literally waddles around holding its own garnish. That leek it carries? It’s not just for show. Game Freak wasn’t even subtle about this one. Someone in-universe decided they might as well equip this poor duck with its meal prep essentials. Imagine roasting a Farfetch’d, leek included, with some butter and spices. If you’ve cooked duck before, you know it’s deliciously rich and savory, and I’d bet this little feathered fighter tastes just as good. Does defeating one in battle come with a dinner reservation? Asking for science.

Miltank – Your New Favorite Steak Source

Miltank is basically the Pokémon equivalent of a dairy cow, but uh… cows aren’t exactly just for milk. You can’t deny its potential to replace your next ribeye. Miltank steaks? Gourmet. Tender, flavorful, and perfect with a side of mashed potatoes. Don’t look at me like that; you know I’m making sense. It’s already yielding MooMoo Milk, so don’t tell me eating one is crossing the line.

And if we’re being honest, the Pokémon universe probably has a joint somewhere specializing in Miltank burgers. No way they’re letting that prime ground beef go to waste.

Magikarp – Essentially Sushi on Demand

Before you raise an eyebrow, do people eat fish in the Pokémon world? Uh, yes. And if you’ve watched any part of the anime, you’ll remember those scenes where Magikarp flops around uselessly while everyone groans about how unappetizing it is. But let’s be real for a minute—isn’t it just the Pokémon version of red snapper or carp? Picture slicing it into sashimi or grilling it whole for a tender, buttery result. Besides, Magikarp has to taste miles better than its terrifying evolution, Gyarados. Sorry, big guy, but you’re too intimidating for a dinner party.

Slowpoke Tail – Controversy on a Stick

Oh yes, we’re going there. Pokémon lore makes it clear that Slowpoke tails are so tasty that they have an actual black market. Team Rocket is smuggling them, and said tails are described as delicacies. I’m imagining something akin to braised pork or glazed ham. The ethics of this? Questionable, sure. But apparently, they grow back… so it’s like a weird renewable food source? Lawyers, don’t come for me; I’m just pointing out the universe logic here.

Combee and Honey – A Sweet Treat

Okay, I’m not a monster. I’m not suggesting roasting Combee itself, but hear me out on the honey. These hard-working bees already produce tasty, sought-after golden nectar. Fancy some on toast or drizzled over pancakes? That’s the Pokémon breakfast dream right there. If your Combee happens to have a steady honey supply, you’re living the high life. Bonus points for it being sustainable and cruelty-free. Who said all Pokémon-based foods had to feel terrible?

Tropius – The Walking Fruit Basket

Tropius doesn’t just look like a tropical plant monster; it literally grows fruit on its neck. According to the Pokedex, kids snack on those bananas (or banana-like fruit, depending on the translation) all the time. Tell me that doesn’t sound delightful. A Pokémon that’s not only friendly but also grows snacks? Sign me up. Plus, imagine juicing Tropius fruit for smoothies! This isn’t just food; it’s a lifestyle.

Appletun – The Literal Apple Pie Pokémon

Appletun is, without a doubt, one of the easiest inclusions on this list. I mean, look at the thing. Its design practically screams dessert. A walking, breathing apple pie with a flaky, baked crust on its back? No one is safe from temptation. Combine that with the sweet aroma (confirmed in its Pokédex entries!), and you’re telling me you wouldn’t at least consider serving it at Thanksgiving? Just call it a “self-saucing dessert Pokémon” and move on.

Pidgeotto and Fried Chicken Vibes

Alright, hear me out before you react. Pidgeotto, in all its bird-like glory, gives off serious “could be a rotisserie chicken” energy. Tell me you wouldn’t toss it in a blend of herbs and spices and roast it to crispy perfection. Don’t pretend you don’t see the possibility. If Pidgey is the Chick-fil-A special, then Pidgeotto is a sit-down Sunday roast. Harsh? Maybe. But accurate? Absolutely.

Pokémon Dining Ethics and Final Thoughts

Look, I get it. Eating Pokémon would raise ethical questions. Are they animals? Are they sentient beings? Could I emotionally recover if one stared at me with those huge, watery eyes? Probably not. But let’s not ignore the fact that the Pokémon world has hinted more than once at the “edible” nature of its creatures. If people are already chowing down on Slowpoke tails, then don’t act like my hypothetical barbecue is anything new.

Still, the next time I play Pokémon, I might find myself wondering if Miltank steaks are on the menu at the local café. My future trainer avatar is going to need emotional fortitude… and maybe a bottle of ketchup.

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