Punch Drunk and Boxing Free: Part 7

When the males square up, they tend to slap, claw, and box each other with their little arms. Another unique move the males have is to balance their weight on their thick tails and grab each other’s forearms. We had an identity crisis moment with each other of sorts. 

How does the kangaroo boxing match end? Possibly with a kangaroo ripping its opponent’s  intestines out of its chest with their freakily sharp claws. Some fights go on for hours and are to the death, but many aren’t. The kangaroo who gives up throws up a white flag, AKA coughing loudly, and hops away in humiliation. 

Now you know.

Why Colonizers, Why?

Although I appreciate the ingenuity of the human race at times – someone had to think they should milk an animal and eat the hard-shelled orbs that pop out of a chicken’s backside. That’s weird and brilliant. Recruiting kangaroos to box was just as weird, but in all the wrong ways.

It is important to remember that kangaroo boxing was a big thing in the wild west of the 1890s. Animals fighting gladiator-style seemed to fulfill the people’s bloodthirst. Bears fought humans, dogs fought bears, and humans fought kangaroos.

This unique derivation of boxing was competing for popularity in both Australia and America from the turn of the 20th century until the 1920s. It’s been in the media peripherals up until the 21st century, but people seem to have lost interest now. 

The whole population dying at the hands of the marsupial helped end its popularity. Death by kangaroo is allegedly particularly unpleasant and common, especially in the ring. The gloves help, but those claws are sharp.

These animals are also very large and are not great participants. The roos were often too scared by the noise outside the ring and froze. It was not a great show. They’re also incredibly stubborn, forcing them into the ring and back into their inhumane enclosure after, which also appeared to be complicated (hint: lady kangaroos help). 

Kangaroo Boxing Stars

There have been a few famous kangaroo athletes. Most notably, John L. was named after the wrestler we discussed in this series, John L. Sullivan. He lived in an American zoo and decided he wanted a side gig. 

Apparently, John and his trainer bonded, and it was more of a playing behavior. The two organically came upon one day when John L. was feeling a little frisky and t-rexed at mealtime. The kangaroo pictured in the featured image is John L. with his trainer. Although I don’t love the sport, these two were cute examples of man and animal connecting (kinda). 

The Dark Side

Most kangaroos didn’t want to box humans.

The conditions that kangaroos were kept in were often horrific. Animal rights and awareness about needs like space, the importance of fresh air, and enrichment activities were not even thought of in the 19th century. Even John L.’s zoo life wasn’t ideal.

Kangaroos, specifically ‘trained’ to be boxers and not eye candy for human gawkers all day long, often faced significant abuse. ‘Trainers’ would often confine the animals, beat, and starve them to ‘inspire’ them to box. Roos often had boxing matches in areas that were not safe psychologically or physically due to space restrictions and a lack of an ‘escape route.’ 

Many kangaroos also died as a result of boxing injuries. There wasn’t a lot of medical attention for boxers of any species. Resident vets were not in high supply on the side of the ring.

Bad Boxing

In summary, kangaroo boxing is another stain on the cumulative conscience of humankind. A kangaroo boxing a little person clown is a lot to take in. It seems unfair to everyone involved.

Kangaroos are only designed to box each other for the ladies. Any other kind is dangerous for both humans and marsupials. It’s definitely best that we leave this version of boxing in history. It is outlawed in most places and is now just a thing you see on TikTok when tourists get too brave when visiting Australia. Let’s never bring it back in any other form.