'My Life With the Walter Boys' star Noah LaLonde breaks down Cole's season 2 arc in exclusive Yardbarker interview

When we talked for season one, we were so excited to get more of this story. Now, not only do we have season two out, and everyone has been able to watch it, but you were also renewed for season three before season two even came out. What has it been like to see that excitement, knowing that the audience really did want you to continue the story based on only your work from season one? 
Yeah, I mean, it was amazing, like the most amazing little jolt of confidence for a young actor, a young group of actors who are, for the most part, a lot of us trying to remain employed, keep doing this job that we love so much. I think to get that call and to actually let it set in, like, okay, the second one's coming out, but we'll already be filming, so that means we get to have a job. That's the first thought, honestly. We love this world, this world of Silver Falls. I've talked about this before, but until I read the scripts, until I am privy to what's going to happen, I feel like I'm a fan too. I'm waiting to find out what the hell is going to go on with this guy, specifically Cole, like, what's going to go on with this guy that I feel so invested in? But then, as soon as we wrap, I'm just left to wonder like everyone else. So, it felt really validating as an actor and for the show, and just us as a whole group, we were all so excited. 

Starting with the finale, we have those massive cliffhangers with Alex overhearing Cole and Jackie's conversation, as well as the ambulance arriving for George. What was your reaction when you first read that script? Did you do any theorizing? Were you told where this was going to lead with season three? How much information did you have when you were filming that moment? 
None, none. Again, to speak to that feeling of we wrap, we go home, what happened? You can imagine being so invested in your character, and you feel like family with these people. So your lasting image is an ambulance pulling up, and you having this girl that you love, maybe after 10 episodes, you're finally going to get somewhere with telling this person how you feel and actually getting something of a response back, but then, oh, of course, it's just all of this confusion and frustration over 10 episodes that peaks in the final moment and does not get a resolve. So no, I knew nothing of what was to come, and obviously, I do know more now, but at the time, and for however long it was, I knew nothing, and it was terrifying. I went right back to theorizing, like, all right, what's the opening shot of the third season going to be? Is it going to be a panoramic? I did the same thing for season one, what it would look like, what it would be. But yeah, just more confusion, more waiting. 

That last moment between Cole and Jackie was my favorite ship moment of the season. She says that she loves him and that she felt free when they kissed back in season one; I loved her speech about losing control. We've seen Cole really struggle with his feelings for Jackie throughout, giving her space and respecting what she asked. What did it mean for him to finally hear that and know that his feelings were reciprocated, that this wasn't just all in his head? 
Well, I think it was momentary satisfaction, like I said, followed by increasing confusion, because it's like, well, as soon as she says it, he's there to hear her clearly be distressed about it, clearly be like, "Okay, can I go?" It's not, "I love you, we need to figure out how to make this work." It's, "I love you, you happy?" It's almost as if she's been forced to feel that way, and I think, in a world where an ambulance doesn't pull up and take away the moment or in a world where Alex doesn't walk up and take away the moment, what becomes of that? What becomes of them? There's so much more that needs to be said, and I think it kind of gets lost in the chaos. But I really don't think there's a payoff for Cole at the end, like, minimal. It is so quickly overtaken by what's going on with the ambulance, Alex has been there. This situation has only just become even more complicated. So there's a minimal payoff, unfortunately, and it's more of the same of season two. Season two, that is the thing, it's like, you just almost get there every time, and you really almost get there at the end, but ultimately, it's unfulfilled for Cole because he wants to finish that conversation. He's been trying to, for a season of television. 

Moving on to Cole's arc, because you had an incredible arc this season, during the big game, Cole has to take over as coach, and he succeeds. Talk to me about what that win meant to him after all this back and forth in his healing journey.
Yeah, I think it's a really tricky journey because I kind of always thought of it as Cole's personal journey, not just as it related to coaching and as it related to football, because the whole first season, Cole is trying to figure out how to navigate his life without the fabric that defined it for so long. And so, I think it takes pulling down, taking his guard down a little bit, and trying to remove that urge to always want to cover what's going on. I think he starts to do that toward the end of season one. Hence, the way in which he's able to do things for other people, especially Jackie, with the teapot, and to have those moments. I don't think he gets intensely affected by a lot else besides what's going on in his own world, to his own fault. But when he starts to feel things for other people, and he starts to show his emotions, I far preferred it than him holding it all in and not exploring what's next for him. You watch him silently get the test scores back in season one, and you can tell he's just trying to — how can I withhold, like, keep up the appearance of still being the Cole effect version of Cole Walter, while also being this damaged inside version?

And I think season two, you see a lot of him stepping back and just kind of, again, Jackie's been such an inspiration for him this whole time, but giving himself space from the other worlds of which he existed. I think the coaching is a good experiment for him. Who's to say what will happen with that, but in the first game, he hardly feels much joy from that, because he still feels so removed from the process, to be so involved in such a part of the thing that he was for so long, and then to be back. This is the feeling that I knew so well, with me playing hockey, and even when I would go and play in recreational games where the stakes were much lower. It just didn't feel the same, and there's not really a way to describe it, and if you don't know it, or you don't have that experience, you can't explain it. It just hurts because it's almost something that felt so good, but not quite something that felt so good, and not the thing that made you feel like you and made you feel whole. So, I think you see that when he's on the sidelines, he's an assistant coach, and I think the difference between the first game that we see in episode four and the last game that we see in episode 10 is that there is more riding on it in him.

He has the aspirations to continue to do that and kind of build his own path, and whatever that means. I think that final game in episode 10 is a version of kind of his own creation, because the pieces fall apart and he's left to pick them up on his own. So I think that that journey, because it's happening in so many versions of him, too, not just with coaching. Sometimes, there's so many parallels between the different processes of healing that he's going through, but that one, I think, is clearly indicated by the fact that he's kind of on his own and he had to figure that out, only to realize that he was never really on his own. I think there's something in that, too, because when you're in this big family, in this community, I've said this so many times, I wish he would just let himself be and trust the people around him that love him. At so many turns, his mother is there for him, his brother is there for him, and Jackie wants to be there for him. He just kind of gets in his head a lot.

Especially with how he treats all of his loved ones. Helping his siblings with sports, everything with Jackie, Danny, and his mom. He just gives so much, and he doesn't always take what he should. 
Yeah, and then he lets his emotions come out in a negative way, and people wonder, 'Why'd you do that?' And I know, the viewers know, it's because he's held it through this whole thing. He's almost — sometimes it's like he's unselfish to a fault, which in turn becomes selfish, because he's not able to be the best version of himself for other people. It's that old cliche, but you've got to take care of yourself, so then you can take care of other people, and sometimes he puts himself not as a top priority, and it ends up being a little destructive. 

It's a devastating blow when he hears that the colleges he's interested in are out of reach after his junior year, despite how well he did in summer school. But then Cole ends up getting a 1250 on his SATs. What did it mean to you to see that moment of achievement and growth for your character? We're obviously all rooting for him, but there is no one rooting for him more than you, and getting that moment for him and bringing it to life must have been incredibly meaningful. 
Yeah, I mean, I think you kind of hit it on the head there. It's like, so much of this is his own journey in silence, no one knows what's going on. And then, there's these few things, like the football game, the SAT score, that are kind of out there in plain sight, and even he tries to reject that a little bit at many turns. It's like, "No, we don't need to talk about that. We don't need to talk about that. I'll do this. I'll do that." But the SAT score, again, it's one of those things that is so exciting, but so quickly... it's a tricky thing. It does feel like a nice tracking point of progress, like, hey, here's some tangible feedback from the system of education and the universe to tell you that you're on the right track. Unfortunately, that'll be overshadowed by the negative that is immediately in front of you. I mean, that's a hard one to watch. I remember feeling bad for him because it feels like there's a version of — that was the interesting thing about this season to me — in his world, everything is building for him and Jackie. It's building, and that's kind of the thing that is like, hey, I think maybe I'm good enough for you now. It's not so black and white, but it's like, hey, here's this thing that I probably could have never done when you got here, but I really have done it, and I want to share it with you. I'm finally proud of myself, but only because of you, and to take that all away from him, yeah, it's sad.

Cole is there for Jackie in really small ways: getting the players to buy tickets for her pop-up shop, dancing with her at the fall formal when no one else was, teaching her how to drive stick, and anchoring her at the Halloween party, which was one of my favorite moments of the entire season. Why do you think those small moments are so necessary, especially when she is pushing herself towards Alex? Why do you think it is so important to show that no matter what, Cole is there for her?
Well, because I think there's a duality to Cole Walter, and that is how people see him and then how he really is. So I think the part of him that really loves Jackie Howard is the real part of him that I think is a good, noble, kind-hearted person, who lets his heart lead the way, and I think there is just such this unfortunate blend of who he's trying to be, who he was, and then who he really is gets kind of lost in the shuffle there. But Jackie brings it out of him, and so at any given point, as much as he, I think, would want to be with her if — you know, I always get asked in these processes, "What do you hope for him?" Like, what do you mean? I hope that he's happy, but I think that in his eyes, that's being with Jackie. So I hope that he can get that, but I also know that he can't see much further than that right now. 

So, when she kind of steps between him and her in the beginning of the season, and says, like, "I don't want to do this right now. I can't do this right now." And there are some tangible points of progress where, then she wants to be friends because I think the part of Cole that is only with Jackie, I understand why she likes him, because he is pure, loving, and cares about the people around him. The presence of that throughout the entire season is what makes me think that it's such a real, deep-rooted love because it always shows up in light of what's going on, the status of the relationship, or whatever. That's the only thing that he's kind of consistently been is always thinking about her in some way, shape, or form. 

I do like that you mentioned their first conversation, because I loved how Cole promised her that she could never lose her new home with the Walters and that he is thrilled to have her back, because she felt so alone. Why do you think that was such an important starting point for them after where we left off in the season one finale, even though Jackie is insisting that nothing can happen between them? Cole very well could have just shut down at that point, especially towards her.  
Man, it's so, so tricky, because you have to kind of compartmentalize how, as I just mentioned, strongly he feels about her, but also how in touch he appears to be with what she needs. So it's hard to imagine that those dueling aspects of how he thinks about her and his relationship to her are [that] he really would like her, but he knows the risk at which that is, because she's lost her family, and she has now found this new version of the family, and she's left and then even come back. It's a miracle, she's back. I think he really thought she was gone, and at some point in the time that she was gone, he considered what that really could have done to her if she would have lost another family. It is the idea that he only wants to be with her so bad as to it detracts from her ability to be happy, to be whole, and to rebuild who she is as a family member, and as a sister and a daughter in this new way, so finding her community and finding her home. I think he understands how important that is, as much as that may tear him apart, because it may be the thing that stands between him and the thing that he currently wants, especially in that scene. So yeah, I think there's something there. 

You don't have to answer this question, because I know it might be a little personal, but I do want to ask in case you are comfortable sharing. We have that time jump, and we don't know what happened over the summer. I'm sure that you came up with certain stuff and filled in the blanks for your character. I'm not sure if you were told anything, but how did you figure out how you got from [where you ended in] the season one finale to the season two premiere and everything that happened in between to deal with the aftermath that we didn't necessarily get to see? 
There's so much detail I could go into here, and I won't because we probably don't have the time, and like you said, it's a little bit personal. But I would say, I like the way in which it felt like that existed in the moment that she arrives, because I just imagine a world where you're left wondering until you can't wonder anymore, and you can't stop thinking about it, but you can't get answers. You can't really figure out what went wrong, what happened; you can just kind of get some version of, okay, all that's left to do is if she comes back, I'd better have worked on the parts of me that made me unfit for her before. So, that's summer school, and that's trying to understand myself and figure out what's next, and I think there is a version of a plan. I think there is a version of a cohesive approach to what life is going to be like after football, because that's always gonna be the thing. It's like, who am I going to be? And I think he did understand that he had to work on that first before anything was going to happen with her, so after, which I'm imagining is weeks of wondering if she'll be back, why she left, all the questions, I think following the guiding light that is like, I need to be a better version for her no matter what, and that better version that's better for her is better for me too.