Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Killie Vanilli

VINDALOO – 6/10 – Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s a ball…Awe Naw…So shocked to see some action after half an hour that he couldn’t adjust his feet to make the flukey cross that evaded his desperate grasp. ‘One of those’ that had him flummoxed and wearing the perplexed look of someone who thinks his cat has just started talking to him. But there’s an aura of confidence about young Vinny that you find in all great goalkeepers; a decisiveness that emanates responsibility and control – not afraid to make the calls or the mistakes; breeds confidence in a defence he’s not shy about berating or encouraging. So far, so impressive. Bigger tests to come but they’ll be met with relish, not anxiety, going by his demeanour; that’s what we in the goalkeeping fraternity (season and
a half covering for injured first choice, amateur; Dino Zoff, let me tell you…) call a GOOD thing.

GREGGS THE BAKER – 7/10 – Will he stay or will he go? Go seems to be the accepted rumour. But if so, then it’ll be with my best wishes for a guy who has been the very definition of application and betterment since he broke his unfancied way into the starting eleven. Like a true professional baker, he’s at his best when he’s busiest and the pastries are rising. There’s no truth in the rumour I started about him being the originator of the famous Killie pie when he was at the club, but that’s a little known FACT. So who better to face in maybe a final Celtic Park bake-off than his old club with another champions medal beckoning. Exhibited his worth – usual intensity for an hour, that little-recognised craftwork wins are built upon; some might say over the top – Calmac had to stress there was no need to sacrifice his first-born to Baphomet in the centre circle prior to kick-off.

WAYNE GRETZKY – 7/10 – It’s been a long stride through a long season for the great elken warrior and he’s carried the hopes of millions on his back heroically well across continents and oceans. And he’s newly married too, so a bit knackered, I’d expect…So does The Moose have a few more treks up and down the Celtic flank left in him? On this showing, all the way to the glorious end. Throwing in two assists, striding inside as Jamesy teased the flank, and ended up being subbed still visibly concussed by CCV’s howitzer.

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