The Ultimate Guide To Couch Surfing Like A Pro

So if you are new to the game of surf travel, or have had one too many instances like mine, then treat the following rules as if they were Scripture and you'll never run into the problem of dropping big $$$ on places to stay again.

1. First Impression. This goes true for anything in life, your first impression is a crucial element of being a welcome guest. Not to say that it is impossible to recover from a bad one, like that time that Brad's parents came home to their Newport Beach house while I was vomiting off the balcony--note to self, don't smoke a blunt by yourself after drinking sake bombs all night. That was a bad look, thankfully Brad's mom is a saint and didn't kick me out of the house, she actually made us all pancakes the next morning (thanks Jenean!). A good first impression can be achieved by doing things like offering to take your host out to dinner, or bringing them a unique gift, doesn't have to be expensive, that shows you put some consideration into the fact that you're being welcomed into someone else's home. Basically, don't be sloppy drunk, look them in the eye when you greet them and express sincere gratitude.
2. Bring Something To The Table. You can take this literally, as in, bring food to share. Even if it's not needed, offering to feed your host is always the right thing to do. Huge bonus if you have cooking skills (more on this below) but, even if you don't, buy extra granola bars or let them know if you're grabbing some pizza. Beyond that, offer your skills, whatever they may be! Good with a camera? Take some photos of the family or help support their business with product shots. Good with kids and/or dogs? Play with the kiddos! Take the dog for a walk. Literally, be willing to do anything that can help their daily life and you'll be a welcomed guest as long as you wish to return.
3. Be Mindful. I can't stress this point enough. If the word "mindful" is beyond you, well, then you may be a long way from being a pro couch surfer. To put it differently, read the room. As in, don't FaceTime your girlfriend from the living room if there are other people around, no one wants to hear your conversation in a foreign tongue--whether it's Hebrew, Japanese, or even English--your host doesn't want to hear you speaking to some person they'll never know. Don't listen to the audio on Instagram while someone is working, I shouldn't even need to say this, but it's distracting AF. Get some headphones or go outside and be mindful of the common space. If you snore loudly, I'm sorry to break it to you but this is a royal pain for others. It's actually the #3 cause of divorce. Good news is that there's a book called Breath that can help even the worst cases of sleep apnea. So if your sleep rhythm sounds like a dubstep concert, tape your mouth shut and force yourself to breathe through your nose. It's either that or bring your own tent to pitch in the yard.
4. Bathroom Etiquette. If there's a common bathroom, be sure to check in with other people before you hop in there for a shower--especially if you tend to be in there for more than 10 minutes. Plan on shaving your legs or maybe having a wank? Don't do it in your host's shower. Honestly, that should be a rule in itself, don't take 20-30min+ showers under any circumstances. Water is precious and most areas have limited supply--California, Bali, Australia, Baja, and even Hawai'i, (or any island for that matter) have to conserve. The population is growing, the water tables are running low throughout much of the world. Need to take a dump? Ask if anybody needs to use it quickly before you go in there and unleash the fury of your post-surf burrito.
5. Cook & Clean. The staples of domestic life are by no means confined to the women of the household. I don't care if your momma did it all for you your whole life, if you're the guest in someone's abode you better chip in on these fronts. If you help with cleaning and are a talent in the kitchen, you'll be a welcome guest in my house as long as I live. If you can't cook, do the dishes. If you notice there is a mess, clean it up. This goes a long way.
6. Keep It Low Key. Don't bring huge suitcases--unless they're filled with gifts--and travel light whenever possible (this will also save you from gnarly airline fees). Don't bring a quiver of 7 surfboards and don't bring all new clothing. May sound dumb to say that but, trust me, we have had a guest who did just that. It clutters the house and gives the impression that you've got more than enough dough to spend on a rental. Unless you're paying to stay with me, keep your gear low key.
7. Connect Them With Your Community. Do you know someone who could bring value to your host's life? Offer to connect them with your friends and community. Growing someone's network in a way that will benefit them is not something easily forgotten. If you do this well, then doors (and couches) will open for you wherever you go.
8. Reciprocity. If you stay at someone's home, make sure you return the offer if you're able. It's as simple as that.

If you follow these rules you'll be a couch surfing pro in no time.