Fisher price: What Texas A&M coach could buy with his buyout money
If Texas A&M fans had their way, Jimbo Fisher would be coaching his final games as the Aggies' head coach. A&M is 3-4, with difficult games against Mississippi, LSU and Florida left. Multiple outlets report Fisher's seat is among the hottest in college football.
With an $86 million buyout on the table -- if Fisher gets fired for on-field performance, so no pulling a Costanza -- the coach might be hoping that's where this thing is headed, too.
A pot of gold is within reach for Fisher. Here's our advice on how he could spend it:
1. Buy a private island
Real estate is one of the sounder investments one can make, but Fisher might want to avoid big-city real estate. May we suggest Royal Island, a private island in the Caribbean?
PROS: Royal Island offers scenic views and a wonderful escape. At a cost of $50 million, Fisher would have more than pocket change left over, and as a potential source of income, he'd never have to think about coaching again.
CONS: He'd need to formulate a game plan to maximize his earnings. If his offensive strategies for the Aggies this season are any indication, he might quickly run out of money.
2. 'We Bought A Zoo,' Jimbo Fisher movie edition
Maybe Fisher wants to stay a little closer to home... or he's a huge Matt Damon fan.
PROS: Per Profitable Adventure, "It's not unusual for a [zoo] park to spend $10,000 to $12,000 per day (or more) just to keep up with costs, plus millions more on elaborate exhibits." Fisher could bankroll that endeavor, and like the private island idea, it would come with the potential to make money.
In the words of Damon in "We Bought A Zoo," "It's a good dream and it's got cool animals and some pretty great people, too."
CONS: He ends up buying all the best animals, begins a feud with the San Diego Zoo, and then doesn't do anything with all the awesome animals he just bought. Also, if he's like Damon, his family ends up hating him.
3. Buy out other coaches
Using data from BetMGM, Fisher could fund the buyouts of coaches Neal Brown (West Virginia), Eliah Drinkwitz (Missouri), Brian Harsin (Auburn), Scott Satterfield (Louisville) and still have $41,825,000 left over.
He could go another route and buy Nick Saban ($43.2 million) and Josh Heupel ($25.8 million) out of their contracts for the most expensive Masterclass ever. (h/t al.com)
PROS: Money can buy happiness, but the memories he would make with his other coaches on the hot seat would last a lifetime. With the money left over, they could split the cost of the private island, too.
CONS: Fisher might not recover once Heupel teaches him what an offense is capable of doing in 2022, and that's saying nothing about the number of rulers Saban will throw at him.
4. Buy bitcoin
Per data provided by Google, Fisher could become a crypto-bro and turn his buyout into 4,135.29 bitcoin.
PROS: The bitcoin market has quieted over the past few months. Buying in while stock is low could mean a big payday in his future.
CONS: Fisher's luck on the football field translates to cryptocurrency and its value plummets further and we never hear about bitcoin again. (Wait, we thought this was supposed to be a con.)
5. Buy a ticket to space
Maybe Fisher isn't interested in an island, a zoo, bitcoin or a rendezvous.
Anywhere on Earth might be too close to College Station for some A&M fans. With his buyout, he'd comfortably be able to afford the rumored $55 million ticket to fly SpaceX.
PROS: He could go on a once-in-a-lifetime journey and experience the vast openness of space.
CONS: That is a lot of money to throw away for one trip, and with the way things are going, he might not even need to purchase a seat.
Texas A&M fans might just surprise him with a one-way ticket.
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