The most puzzling prequel movies

We live in a world oversaturated with backstory, much of it unnecessary. “Dumb and Dumber” particularly did not need backstory. Who cares about Harry meeting Lloyd? This is just about doing another movie about two dumb guys, but with a bunch of sweaty “world-building” and two actors half as talented as Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels.

Alfred Hitchcock’s “Psycho” is one of the most important movies ever made, and one of the seminal proto-slashers. It took 23 years until the first sequel, which was one of the first legacy sequels. “Psycho III” is insane, but it has some juice. What’s as galling about a “Psycho” prequel as anything is that it was the fourth “Psycho” movie. It’s basically a worse version of “Bates Motel,” but at least it’s quicker in the storytelling.

Yes, there is a “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” prequel. There is nothing interesting about those two being younger. Most of what makes “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” good is that it stars Paul Newman and Robert Redford. This movie stars Tom Berenger and William Katt. Enough said.

“Van Wilder” is a bad movie, but making a prequel to it is not inherently unnecessary. It’s likely to also be bad, but that’s a different thing. Literally half the characterization of Van Wilder is that he’s been in college forever. A movie about his freshman year is pointless, especially since Van Wilder is effectively not a character.

“Final Destination Bloodlines?” Thumbs up. “Pet Semetery: Bloodlines?” Thumbs down. The former may be the best movie in that series, which is saying something. The latter asks, “Don’t you want to see the guy Fred Gwynne played in the original movie find that spooky cemetery?” No, we didn’t. We really didn’t.

If you told us there was a sequel to “Smokin’ Aces,” we’d wonder why. A prequel, though? That’s even more puzzling. Would you believe that Tom Berenger is also in this movie? It’s almost like he isn’t picky about projects. It’s also not a good idea to make a prequel with a “2” in the title. That makes it sound like a sequel.

Technically, “Red Dragon” is also a prequel to “Silence of the Lambs” and “Hannibal,” but it isn’t spiritually a prequel. It’s just based on an earlier book. “Hannibal Rising” is a through-and-through prequel, though. It’s a “We’re out of ideas” origin story featuring an actor that isn’t Anthony Hopkins. Just watch the “Hannibal” TV show.

“Annabelle” is already dumb, and we’re against the whole cinematic universe built around the charlatans Ed and Lorraine Warren. The idea of doing a prequel about a spooky doll, though, is particularly silly. They would then do another “Annabelle” sequel, but it makes more sense to do more spooky-doll content than to explore the origins of how that doll got spooky.

“Havana Nights” is a funny subtitle, if not quite on the level of “Electric Boogaloo.” It’s truly just drawing on the popularity of “Dirty Dancing,” though. It’s doing a similar story, pretty much the same story, but has no other ties to “Dirty Dancing.” The only reason it’s a prequel is that they wanted to set it before the Cuban Revolution. Also, it’s not any good.

“Final Destination Bloodlines” revitalized the franchise, but, of course, it first had to reach its nadir. Part of the reason why there was over a decade between “Final Destination” movies is that the fifth one was so bad. Making it a prequel was also totally pointless because these movies are just about cheating a violent death and then dying a different violent death. Everything else is window dressing.

“Wonka” isn’t bad! It isn’t good, granted, but it isn’t bad. It’s fine. Timothée Chalamet is a good actor. That doesn’t mean it isn’t utterly unnecessary, though. It just smacked of IP mining in an egregious way. The origin story of Willy Wonka? No thank you.

The one thing “Orphan” had going for it, to the extent it had anything going for it, was the twist. So, spoiler: The presumed little girl is actually a thirtysomething escapee from Estonia who was being held in an asylum for the criminally insane. As such, “First Kill” has no access to a twist. It’s just telling us about, well, a thirtysomething Estonian woman escaping the asylum by killing people.

Turns out “Wicked” is the “Wizard of Oz” prequel people want. Now, we’re no “Wicked” fans, but it at least is doing a lot of prequel and later interquel business. “Oz the Great and Powerful” was directed by Sam Raimi, but it just feels wholly inert. Some of that is the star, James Franco, but it’s also because it's a bit of a mess. In addition to overlapping with “Wicked” a bit, the story of, ahem, Oscar Diggs becoming the Wizard of Oz is kind of like Dorothy’s story but less compelling.

“Marley & Me” was a hit because people love dogs, and it’s all about adoring a dog and then being all emotional and stuff. The whole thing is about a dog bringing a family together, along with love, loss, and the like. A sequel wouldn’t have worked, because it would have been about a dog corpse and that’s a hard sell, but the prequel is nonsense. It’s about a troublemaking puppy who now has a speaking voice getting into wacky adventures. This is a cheap direct-to-video film drafting off the name “Marley.”

Literally the only interesting story in the world of “Cruel Intentions” is the one in the movie “Cruel Intentions.” One year later, though, there was a prequel movie. Now, there is a story here. A show based on “Cruel Intentions” called “Manchester Prep” was ordered direct-to-series by FOX. Then, after two episodes were filmed, the show was canceled. Those two episodes, plus some added scenes with nudity, were spliced together, and this incoherent direct-to-video movie was released as a “Cruel Intentions” prequel.

John Carpenter’s “The Thing” does start with Norwegian scientists in Antarctica trying to kill a dog, which we learn is, of course, the shapeshifting alien known as the eponymous Thing. That’s a kinetic, compelling way to start a gnarly sci-fi horror film. That also means the ending of a prequel can only be so compelling, and it has to start by laying a lot of groundwork instead of jumping into the action.

We end with a film that won’t be released for a bit, but it’s definitely of the unnecessary prequel ilk. We’ve already seen too much of John Rambo as portrayed by Sylvester Stallone. We definitely don’t need a prequel. What’s the point? He’s still John Rambo. “First Blood” is about a Vietnam vet dealing with the psychological and sociological fallout of that war in 1981. That’s the ideal jumping-off point for the character. Doing anything before that is just about being out of ideas but wanting to make another Rambo movie.