Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Flippinheck v Celtic

VINDALOO – 5/10 – As much expected, about the sum of zip times heehaw to do; but when he was called into action in a brief flurry, he looked a bit shaky, throwing misplaced punches like Gazza swinging after a bottle of white spirits.

MELLOW YELLOW – 5.5/10 – Clumsy at times, overhitting crosses, getting in the way. However, he was trusted enough to play out of position and gave it his best shot against their trickiest player.

TONY THE TIGER – 6.5/10 – The bold Tony sees no difference between village hillbillies or euro-sophisticats. He’ll give his all for the jersey and stuck out tonight as one of our better performers, setting up the first after a trademark overlap, might have scored himself with that proud sellik heid if the cross hadn’t been a fraction behind him. Solid shift from The Brickie.

GREAT – 5/10 – Not a lot for the big raw youth to compete with; most of his time spent following positional instruction, keeping the back door shut and concentrating on his passing.

RAQUEL – 6/10 – Who? Whit?! In a shock decision, the boss decides to recall and throw in the glamour to bedazzle the Shire Folk, utilising Raquel’s movie-star pedigree to let the bumpkins know the class of what they were up against. And this was a satisfactory return to the Hoops, notable for the quality of his passing. Is this new Raquel romance going to be a rekindled affair, or a ship passing in the night?

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